outside. And this guy, he’s not bleeding. Then he starts that shaking you can’t stop, and you realise there might be more. And then there is blood, he’s coughing it up. And then this guy, he’s dead. Just like that. And you could have done something, but you didn’t, and you didn’t because you were distracted, and then it was too late.
Unravelling. You see what I mean? Well, that’s what happened that day at Musso and Frank’s. I thought I was lining up a nice surprise. Then I realised it might not be such a good idea, but I couldn’t let it go. Then I realised that all the stuff Poppy told me that first night about her sister wasn’t in the past at all. And then I realised that regardless of what we’d agreed and regardless of what she’d told me, I still wanted more than she wanted to give, but before I could say that, she was standing up and the waiter was hovering in the background and looking at our steaks. Poppy was crying. I’d never see her cry real tears and I was pretty certain they were real tears, and instead of doing—I don’t know what I could have done, but I didn’t do it. Instead, I said the most inane thing I could think of. ‘There’s no need to be scared,’ I said. ‘The war’s over.’
‘It’s not the only thing that’s over,’ she said, pushing the table back so violently that it scraped along the wooden floor, making a shrieking noise that turned every head that wasn’t already looking our way.
I threw a bundle of bills down on the table and followed her out of the restaurant onto Hollywood Boulevard. As I grabbed her arm, she turned towards me, her face white, but whatever she was going to say was lost. There was a flash, that smell as the light went off, and there we were, caught on-camera, exposed and raw in the middle of a break-up for all the world to see.
Poppy
They took another picture as I wrenched my hand free. I forgot we came in his car. I thought about running. In London, that’s what I’d have done, but here in Hollywood people don’t walk on the pavements—sidewalks. So I sat in the car, determined not to speak, incapable of speaking at first. Lewis drove me home, silent, his knuckles tight on the wheel. I thought he was angry. I was too caught up in what I was feeling to see anything else.
By the time he pulled into my driveway, I had myself under a little bit of control. Lewis being Lewis, I knew he couldn’t let it go without an explanation, and so I was steeling myself to give him one as I led the way out to the pool.
‘I don’t understand why it has to be over,’ he said.
‘You know perfectly well why. You’re asking something from me that I’m simply not prepared to give,’ I said to him. Even though I’d actually already given it, had already fallen for him. But I thought as long as he didn’t know, I could go back, you see, to where I’d been before. I thought I’d learned a tough lesson from Daisy. I didn’t realise then, in the heat of all that emotion, that I hadn’t learned anything at all. I still thought I could go back. I clung to that thought as though it was a life raft.
‘We can forget this. We can carry on as we were.’
I did notice a hint of desperation in his voice then, and that surprised me. Then I realised he was thinking about his movies and his Broadway show. Which was more than I’d been thinking of. ‘I never break a contract,’ I said, ‘and I won’t start now. This was always a business arrangement. Just because you and I no longer want to play hootchy-kootchy…’
‘
You
don’t want to.’
‘…doesn’t mean I’ll be anything other than professional,’ I continued, cutting him off. I was playing the lady of the manor, stopping short of looking down my nose. Pathetic, but it was all I could come up with. I had to get rid of him. ‘I expect you’ll find a way for us to work together that doesn’t entail too much contact.’ Even as I said it I felt sick. I couldn’t begin to imagine
Unravelling. You see what I mean? Well, that’s what happened that day at Musso and Frank’s. I thought I was lining up a nice surprise. Then I realised it might not be such a good idea, but I couldn’t let it go. Then I realised that all the stuff Poppy told me that first night about her sister wasn’t in the past at all. And then I realised that regardless of what we’d agreed and regardless of what she’d told me, I still wanted more than she wanted to give, but before I could say that, she was standing up and the waiter was hovering in the background and looking at our steaks. Poppy was crying. I’d never see her cry real tears and I was pretty certain they were real tears, and instead of doing—I don’t know what I could have done, but I didn’t do it. Instead, I said the most inane thing I could think of. ‘There’s no need to be scared,’ I said. ‘The war’s over.’
‘It’s not the only thing that’s over,’ she said, pushing the table back so violently that it scraped along the wooden floor, making a shrieking noise that turned every head that wasn’t already looking our way.
I threw a bundle of bills down on the table and followed her out of the restaurant onto Hollywood Boulevard. As I grabbed her arm, she turned towards me, her face white, but whatever she was going to say was lost. There was a flash, that smell as the light went off, and there we were, caught on-camera, exposed and raw in the middle of a break-up for all the world to see.
Poppy
They took another picture as I wrenched my hand free. I forgot we came in his car. I thought about running. In London, that’s what I’d have done, but here in Hollywood people don’t walk on the pavements—sidewalks. So I sat in the car, determined not to speak, incapable of speaking at first. Lewis drove me home, silent, his knuckles tight on the wheel. I thought he was angry. I was too caught up in what I was feeling to see anything else.
By the time he pulled into my driveway, I had myself under a little bit of control. Lewis being Lewis, I knew he couldn’t let it go without an explanation, and so I was steeling myself to give him one as I led the way out to the pool.
‘I don’t understand why it has to be over,’ he said.
‘You know perfectly well why. You’re asking something from me that I’m simply not prepared to give,’ I said to him. Even though I’d actually already given it, had already fallen for him. But I thought as long as he didn’t know, I could go back, you see, to where I’d been before. I thought I’d learned a tough lesson from Daisy. I didn’t realise then, in the heat of all that emotion, that I hadn’t learned anything at all. I still thought I could go back. I clung to that thought as though it was a life raft.
‘We can forget this. We can carry on as we were.’
I did notice a hint of desperation in his voice then, and that surprised me. Then I realised he was thinking about his movies and his Broadway show. Which was more than I’d been thinking of. ‘I never break a contract,’ I said, ‘and I won’t start now. This was always a business arrangement. Just because you and I no longer want to play hootchy-kootchy…’
‘
You
don’t want to.’
‘…doesn’t mean I’ll be anything other than professional,’ I continued, cutting him off. I was playing the lady of the manor, stopping short of looking down my nose. Pathetic, but it was all I could come up with. I had to get rid of him. ‘I expect you’ll find a way for us to work together that doesn’t entail too much contact.’ Even as I said it I felt sick. I couldn’t begin to imagine
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