The Bachelors

The Bachelors by Muriel Spark

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Authors: Muriel Spark
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very
different thing,’ Marlene said. ‘That’s idolatry. In Spain, for instance —
well, perhaps I shouldn’t say. I once had an Irish maid, she was most
difficult. But anyhow, you don’t get through to the saints, do you? They
don’t send you messages. Have you heard the actual voice of any one of your saints?’
    ‘No,’
said Ronald. ‘You’ve got a point there.’
    ‘I have
indeed,’ Marlene said. ‘I’ve heard my husband’s actual voice. Haven’t I, Tim? I’ve
heard Harry. His own dynamic voice.
    ‘Uncle
Harry was always very dynamic,’ Tim murmured.
    ‘Have a
bit more lamb,’ Marlene said. ‘It’s got to be eaten up. You boys aren’t eating
anything.’
    ‘Thank
you, I will,’ said Ronald.
    ‘Thanks,’
said Tim.
    ‘Tim,’
said Marlene, ‘fill Ronald’s glass and your own, for goodness’ sake. What do
you do for a living, Ronald?’
    ‘I work
in a museum devoted to graphology.’
    ‘Handwriting,’
said Tim.
    ‘Throughout
the ages,’ Ronald said.
    ‘Can
you read handwriting?’
    ‘I read
it all day long.’
    ‘Can
you judge a person’s character from their handwriting?’
    ‘No,’
Ronald said.
    ‘That’s
exactly what I expected you to say,’ Marlene said. ‘I think you’re killing.’
    ‘Ronald,’
said Tim, ‘is sometimes consulted by the police on questions of forgery.’
    ‘No!’
said Marlene.
    ‘Yes,’
said Tim, ‘he is.’
    ‘How thrilling!’
said Marlene. ‘I do love to see a genuine fraud exposed.’
    ‘Well,
now,’ Tim said, ‘since you mention it, I did feel that last night’
    ‘Oh,
Patrick completely exposed him,’ Marlene said, turning to explain to Ronald. ‘This
fraud-clairvoyant Dr. Mike Garland who entered our midst during our séance last
night was completely outwitted by our leading medium whose name is Patrick
Seton.’
    ‘No!’
Ronald said.
    ‘Yes,’
said Marlene. ‘Garland created a great disturbance, being in the pay of one of
our members — one of our former members — Mrs. Freda Flower, but Patrick
gained the ascendancy. He was unshakeable — wasn’t he, Tim?’
    ‘I was
obliged to leave,’ said Tim, ‘before the end.’
    ‘Another
time you must go and lie down on a bed, Tim. It was too bad of you to leave me
with Freda Flower in hysterics. Did you notice the absurd pose that Dr. Garland
— doctor so-called — adopted during the séance when he was giving clairvoyance?
I knew he was a fraud the moment he raised up his head to give
utterance. Did you notice, Tim, how he raised his head without relaxing in his
chair? He didn’t lean back in his chair, you see, he didn’t lean back. And I
knew right away he was fully conscious of all he was saying. I’m making further
investigations about Garland. He ought to be exposed.’
    Tim’s
eyes glanced briefly at the hatch. Marlene noticed it and realised she had
betrayed her peep-hole.
    Tim’s
eyes returned to his soufflé and he said, ‘This is delicious, Marlene.’
    ‘I am
rather clairvoyant myself,’ Marlene said specifically to Ronald, with a tiny
swing of her ear-rings, ‘and this enables me to see through a fraud
immediately. They can’t get away with anything from me.’
    ‘When
is Patrick’s case coming up?’ Tim said.
    ‘Freda
will not proceed with the case,’ Marlene said, ‘if I know anything of Freda.
She has too much faith in Patrick, although she won’t admit it, to ignore the
warnings which he transmitted to her last night from the other side. However, I
have told Freda Flower that she is no longer welcome in our midst.’ She looked
at Tim who was still looking elsewhere. ‘I feel bound, Tim,’ she said, ‘to keep
an eye on things.’
    ‘Oh,
quite,’ Tim said, wiping his glasses with his white handkerchief.
    ‘It’s
all very well for you to stand in judgment, ‘she said.
    ‘Who,
me?’ Tim said.
    ‘But
you are a comparative newcomer to the Circle. You know nothing of the inner
workings. That was evident last night. Your seating

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