with any regularity
was through his mobile. Yeah, well, I know it’s the oldest
trick in the book, but when you want to believe someone,
you do.
I wouldn’t have brought him back to the house but he
claimed to be Mr I Might Be Able To Fix Your Metro too.
Also it was Saturday afternoon, Nan’s nap time, and I
knew Charlotte had gone into town as usual, so the coast
should have been clear. Hah. When is my coast ever bloody
clear?
He’d not been under the car two minutes when Nan
appeared at the front door. I motioned her to go back inside
but she only waved back, put her hand to the jamb and
lowered herself down the step. Then she waddled down
the path holding some bit of paper aloft.
‘I’ve won a Range Rover,’ she said, pushing a letter
in my face. ‘Charlotte can have it, she can have it for
school.’
I thought there hadn’t been any post that morning, but
Nan had been up before me.
‘Let’s have a look.’ I whipped it off her and scanned the
contents. ‘Load of rubbish. No, you haven’t, Mum. It’s junk
mail. And it’s for me anyway.’
‘It never is.’ Nan looked cross.
‘Look, what does that say?’ I pointed at the address
window. ‘See?’
She peered forward and huffed at me. Then she spotted
Davy, who had wriggled himself back out from under the
chassis while we’d been talking. ‘Who’s this?’
‘Davy, Mum.’
‘Jamie? Eeh, you favour a German.’ She reached down
and touched his leg. ‘Is he foreign?’
‘No. Come on back inside and I’ll make you some tea.’
She gave him a glazed smile before retreating. ‘You
want to watch them swanky pants,’ was her parting shot.
‘Don’t get muck on ’em.’
We went back up the path, me holding her elbow to
stop her escaping, and I got her ensconced in her chair
and put the telly on. Love Boat , ideal. Then I came out
again.
The Ribble bus went past and stopped at the corner.
Charlotte got off, face like thunder.
When she got close enough she held up a carrier bag
and snapped, ‘They wouldn’t take it back! Can you believe
it! Just because I’d washed it! I tell you what, I’m never
shopping there again, bunch of rip-off merchants.’
She stepped angrily over Davy’s legs, then paused as
she realized they were coming out from under my car.
‘Bloody hell,’ she said staring down. ‘Mum? Mum, who
is this?’
‘It’s Davy. A, er, friend of mine.’
She shot me a withering look.
Davy shuffled out, grin at the ready, wiping his hands
on the oily rag. Then his face fell. There was a pause.
‘Jesus, Mum; we’ve met, actually,’ said Charlotte in icy
tones. ‘Last week, at Krystal’s. I’m sure you remember, all
those teenage girls . God, how disgusting. Twenty-eight, my
arse! You’re really wrinkly in the daylight, Mr Leather
Pants. Don’t you ever wear anything else? They must be
beginning to stink by now.’
The penny was beginning to drop.
‘You old, sick bastard,’ she said, and turned on her heel.
I gaped after her. Charlotte ?
‘Small world,’ said Davy.
‘I’ll give you small world,’ I snarled. My leg twitched
with the effort of not kicking him. ‘You want reporting.
Get your hands off my car and leave my daughter alone,
or I might do something vicious with that socket set.’
‘You’ll laugh about this one day,’ I heard him saying as
I walked away.
When I got inside Charlotte had stropped off upstairs,
but Nan was still watching Love Boat . A soft-focused couple
were embracing to a backdrop of blue sea, and from the
bridge a little boy was watching them, a big smile on his
face. The captain put his hand on the boy’s shoulder and a
tear twinkled in his eye. ‘I guess your mom’s found what
she was looking for, Jimmy,’ he said as the music swelled
and the credits rolled.
‘I forgot to tell you, I’ve won a Range Rover,’ said Nan,
pulling out an envelope from under the cushion.
‘Jesus Christ,’ I said, snatching it off her.
was through his mobile. Yeah, well, I know it’s the oldest
trick in the book, but when you want to believe someone,
you do.
I wouldn’t have brought him back to the house but he
claimed to be Mr I Might Be Able To Fix Your Metro too.
Also it was Saturday afternoon, Nan’s nap time, and I
knew Charlotte had gone into town as usual, so the coast
should have been clear. Hah. When is my coast ever bloody
clear?
He’d not been under the car two minutes when Nan
appeared at the front door. I motioned her to go back inside
but she only waved back, put her hand to the jamb and
lowered herself down the step. Then she waddled down
the path holding some bit of paper aloft.
‘I’ve won a Range Rover,’ she said, pushing a letter
in my face. ‘Charlotte can have it, she can have it for
school.’
I thought there hadn’t been any post that morning, but
Nan had been up before me.
‘Let’s have a look.’ I whipped it off her and scanned the
contents. ‘Load of rubbish. No, you haven’t, Mum. It’s junk
mail. And it’s for me anyway.’
‘It never is.’ Nan looked cross.
‘Look, what does that say?’ I pointed at the address
window. ‘See?’
She peered forward and huffed at me. Then she spotted
Davy, who had wriggled himself back out from under the
chassis while we’d been talking. ‘Who’s this?’
‘Davy, Mum.’
‘Jamie? Eeh, you favour a German.’ She reached down
and touched his leg. ‘Is he foreign?’
‘No. Come on back inside and I’ll make you some tea.’
She gave him a glazed smile before retreating. ‘You
want to watch them swanky pants,’ was her parting shot.
‘Don’t get muck on ’em.’
We went back up the path, me holding her elbow to
stop her escaping, and I got her ensconced in her chair
and put the telly on. Love Boat , ideal. Then I came out
again.
The Ribble bus went past and stopped at the corner.
Charlotte got off, face like thunder.
When she got close enough she held up a carrier bag
and snapped, ‘They wouldn’t take it back! Can you believe
it! Just because I’d washed it! I tell you what, I’m never
shopping there again, bunch of rip-off merchants.’
She stepped angrily over Davy’s legs, then paused as
she realized they were coming out from under my car.
‘Bloody hell,’ she said staring down. ‘Mum? Mum, who
is this?’
‘It’s Davy. A, er, friend of mine.’
She shot me a withering look.
Davy shuffled out, grin at the ready, wiping his hands
on the oily rag. Then his face fell. There was a pause.
‘Jesus, Mum; we’ve met, actually,’ said Charlotte in icy
tones. ‘Last week, at Krystal’s. I’m sure you remember, all
those teenage girls . God, how disgusting. Twenty-eight, my
arse! You’re really wrinkly in the daylight, Mr Leather
Pants. Don’t you ever wear anything else? They must be
beginning to stink by now.’
The penny was beginning to drop.
‘You old, sick bastard,’ she said, and turned on her heel.
I gaped after her. Charlotte ?
‘Small world,’ said Davy.
‘I’ll give you small world,’ I snarled. My leg twitched
with the effort of not kicking him. ‘You want reporting.
Get your hands off my car and leave my daughter alone,
or I might do something vicious with that socket set.’
‘You’ll laugh about this one day,’ I heard him saying as
I walked away.
When I got inside Charlotte had stropped off upstairs,
but Nan was still watching Love Boat . A soft-focused couple
were embracing to a backdrop of blue sea, and from the
bridge a little boy was watching them, a big smile on his
face. The captain put his hand on the boy’s shoulder and a
tear twinkled in his eye. ‘I guess your mom’s found what
she was looking for, Jimmy,’ he said as the music swelled
and the credits rolled.
‘I forgot to tell you, I’ve won a Range Rover,’ said Nan,
pulling out an envelope from under the cushion.
‘Jesus Christ,’ I said, snatching it off her.
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