this relaxation response will be in stressful situations—which is why strengthening the PNS is a major focus of the Positive Feedback program. 26
While it can sometimes feel as though we’re at the mercy of our brittle nerves, we can direct the growth and change of our brain and our entire nervous system. In fact, we do this in every positive choice we make, whether or not we do it consciously. When we opt to calm ourselves down, take deep breaths, meditate, take time to rest and replenish, we increase the strength of the PNS. We spend more time in a relaxed, contented state and our organs (especially our brain) get a break from their stress hormone bath. Our brain becomes less reactive to stimuli—we take a break, stay mindful, and thoughtfully choose an appropriate response to any situation. We start to fill up our tool chest with Positive Feedback emotional responses—empathy, love, patience—rather than reaching for the biggest hammer in the Negative Feedback tool chest: fear. By making those positive choices, we activate our Adaptive Response and nestle ourselves comfortably in Positive Feedback.
Yet we cannot become complacent. When, despite our positive tools, we make choices that trigger the SNS—focusing on the negative, surrounding ourselves with drama, not sleeping enough, or eating tons of sugar—we again weaken our parasympathetic response, encourage an increase in inflammation and stress hormones, and nudge ourselves back into Negative Feedback.
In the case of Amy, the patient I introduced at the beginning of this chapter, her pain was telling her this very clear message: Slow down. She needed to take the time to care for herself; to feed her body nourishing, anti-inflammatory foods; to get the full seven hours of sleep that her body craved; and to relax and replenish her nervous system instead of pressing forward, working harder, never stopping. She needed to reverse the cycle and get back into Positive Feedback.
During those many hours in bed recovering from shingles, she literally came face to face with her pain as a snake of burning nerves shot up, red hot, through her eyebrows, over her forehead, and under her hairline. Her doctor had told her that shingles among young and middle-aged people is almost always triggered by stress and a lack of self-care: “It’s your system’s way of throwing the fire alarm and really getting your attention,” he’d said.
Amy got the message. All the encouragement and guidance I’d been giving her over the years finally came together. Brought to attention by a rampaging virus, she now understood what she needed to do.
She took out the packet describing the Positive Feedback program I’d given her years before. After reading it carefully, she spent an afternoon in bed doing several of the Reflect exercises described. While creating her Body Timeline—one of those Reflect exercises—she realized that after her youngest child was born, she’d abandoned the daily walk that had always kept her sane. She had always intended to resume her walks, but life had intervened, as it tends to do, and she was shocked to realize it had been five years since she’d exercised on a regular basis.
The next day, she started to do the Morning Glory routine and her Tibetan Rites soon after waking. After a few days, she felt stronger and decided to dive right into the Release phase. She threw out all her inflammatory foods and focused her diet on fresh, whole vegetables and fruits, green smoothies, and salads. She drank filtered water and rested, meditating under her ice packs. She started to talk back to the negative voices, to hold herself as gently as she’d held her babies, to surround herself in a circle of positive white light, just as I’d taught her in our meditation routine at the office. She threw herself body and soul into the Positive Feedback program.
And now, four weeks after being at the lowest point ever in her body’s health, Amy looked positively
While it can sometimes feel as though we’re at the mercy of our brittle nerves, we can direct the growth and change of our brain and our entire nervous system. In fact, we do this in every positive choice we make, whether or not we do it consciously. When we opt to calm ourselves down, take deep breaths, meditate, take time to rest and replenish, we increase the strength of the PNS. We spend more time in a relaxed, contented state and our organs (especially our brain) get a break from their stress hormone bath. Our brain becomes less reactive to stimuli—we take a break, stay mindful, and thoughtfully choose an appropriate response to any situation. We start to fill up our tool chest with Positive Feedback emotional responses—empathy, love, patience—rather than reaching for the biggest hammer in the Negative Feedback tool chest: fear. By making those positive choices, we activate our Adaptive Response and nestle ourselves comfortably in Positive Feedback.
Yet we cannot become complacent. When, despite our positive tools, we make choices that trigger the SNS—focusing on the negative, surrounding ourselves with drama, not sleeping enough, or eating tons of sugar—we again weaken our parasympathetic response, encourage an increase in inflammation and stress hormones, and nudge ourselves back into Negative Feedback.
In the case of Amy, the patient I introduced at the beginning of this chapter, her pain was telling her this very clear message: Slow down. She needed to take the time to care for herself; to feed her body nourishing, anti-inflammatory foods; to get the full seven hours of sleep that her body craved; and to relax and replenish her nervous system instead of pressing forward, working harder, never stopping. She needed to reverse the cycle and get back into Positive Feedback.
During those many hours in bed recovering from shingles, she literally came face to face with her pain as a snake of burning nerves shot up, red hot, through her eyebrows, over her forehead, and under her hairline. Her doctor had told her that shingles among young and middle-aged people is almost always triggered by stress and a lack of self-care: “It’s your system’s way of throwing the fire alarm and really getting your attention,” he’d said.
Amy got the message. All the encouragement and guidance I’d been giving her over the years finally came together. Brought to attention by a rampaging virus, she now understood what she needed to do.
She took out the packet describing the Positive Feedback program I’d given her years before. After reading it carefully, she spent an afternoon in bed doing several of the Reflect exercises described. While creating her Body Timeline—one of those Reflect exercises—she realized that after her youngest child was born, she’d abandoned the daily walk that had always kept her sane. She had always intended to resume her walks, but life had intervened, as it tends to do, and she was shocked to realize it had been five years since she’d exercised on a regular basis.
The next day, she started to do the Morning Glory routine and her Tibetan Rites soon after waking. After a few days, she felt stronger and decided to dive right into the Release phase. She threw out all her inflammatory foods and focused her diet on fresh, whole vegetables and fruits, green smoothies, and salads. She drank filtered water and rested, meditating under her ice packs. She started to talk back to the negative voices, to hold herself as gently as she’d held her babies, to surround herself in a circle of positive white light, just as I’d taught her in our meditation routine at the office. She threw herself body and soul into the Positive Feedback program.
And now, four weeks after being at the lowest point ever in her body’s health, Amy looked positively
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