radiant. I asked her what the trigger had been—what had made this time work, when at so many other moments in her life she had denied herself that healing. “The pain got so loud that I couldn’t hear anything else,” she said. “I finally stopped running away; I just stopped and listened. And now here I am.”
In her Reflect stage, she realized that she’d been working so hard because she didn’t feel able to say no: She put everyone else’s needs before her own. Anyone who asked a favor of her got put to the top of her list—and she got pushed off the end.
As Amy dug down and reviewed the Body Timeline she’d prepared, she realized that the pattern went deeper. She saw that her intense focus on work had been draining her for years. That she hadn’t felt inspired in many years—perhaps even decades. Her dedication to her corporation felt unbalanced, unfulfilling—even traumatic. And as she dug deeper, she came face to face with the truth: She’d lost herself, at seventeen, when her father had died and her mother had refused to send her to art school. A dutiful daughter, Amy chose a business major at a nearby university, attended an MBA program, and joined the corporate world right out of grad school. And she’d never been the same since.
All those years, those decades in between, Amy had been running from that pain. She ate her grief about her dad’s death, putting on the extra weight to hide her sadness from the world. She worked hard at her job to prove to her mom that she didn’t have to worry about her—but the hours toiling at a job she secretly resented took a huge toll.
When her kids were born, she poured all her repressed creative energy into them. She ran them to every artistic club and class possible, determined to give them the outlet she’d denied herself. She poured herself into them, fiercely protecting their creative expression—and all the while, the pain of her own forgotten dreams lived on in her tissues, coming out through her aching back, her extra pounds, her shingles sores.
But now, here she stood before me, a new woman, free and whole.
She twirled around, at least ten pounds off her frame, her hair shining, her body seeming to levitate. The very picture of Positive Feedback!
When I see her now, she tells me about her latest painting or collaborative art project. She and her husband downscaled their life to create space and time and financial wherewithal for her art. Despite a big shift in their income, she doesn’t miss the old lifestyle; she feels as if she’s finally living instead of simply existing.
Amy still occasionally has that tension in her neck—things get too hectic, the kids’ rehearsals are time-consuming, her own art school projects are due. “But I’m listening, Vicky,” she’ll say. Her Negative Feedback breakdown left her with a handy pain signal: Whenever she gets stressed or doesn’t sleep enough, or has too much sugar, or isn’t doing enough to nurture her art, she’ll feel a little tingle on her face where the shingles came out, just a little tickle at her hairline: I’m here , her pain says. Don’t forget about me. But Amy knows that, even when she tips into Negative Feedback temporarily, the road back to Positive Feedback is just one step away.
Amy’s shingles pain is a clear signal that she’ll carry with her for life: a little warning bell that she’s approaching Negative Feedback again. In week 1 of the Positive Feedback program, outlined in detail in part 2 of this book, we’ll go through two exercises, the Body Map and the Body Timeline, that enable you to recognize the patterns that your pain follows—the physical outlines, the what and when and where of the pain.
Unresolved painful issues may be in your tissues, but they can be released. When I manipulate patients’ muscles and connective tissues, I often help unlock the blocked bloodflow to those areas of the brain that are holding on to old, “forgotten” memories.
In her Reflect stage, she realized that she’d been working so hard because she didn’t feel able to say no: She put everyone else’s needs before her own. Anyone who asked a favor of her got put to the top of her list—and she got pushed off the end.
As Amy dug down and reviewed the Body Timeline she’d prepared, she realized that the pattern went deeper. She saw that her intense focus on work had been draining her for years. That she hadn’t felt inspired in many years—perhaps even decades. Her dedication to her corporation felt unbalanced, unfulfilling—even traumatic. And as she dug deeper, she came face to face with the truth: She’d lost herself, at seventeen, when her father had died and her mother had refused to send her to art school. A dutiful daughter, Amy chose a business major at a nearby university, attended an MBA program, and joined the corporate world right out of grad school. And she’d never been the same since.
All those years, those decades in between, Amy had been running from that pain. She ate her grief about her dad’s death, putting on the extra weight to hide her sadness from the world. She worked hard at her job to prove to her mom that she didn’t have to worry about her—but the hours toiling at a job she secretly resented took a huge toll.
When her kids were born, she poured all her repressed creative energy into them. She ran them to every artistic club and class possible, determined to give them the outlet she’d denied herself. She poured herself into them, fiercely protecting their creative expression—and all the while, the pain of her own forgotten dreams lived on in her tissues, coming out through her aching back, her extra pounds, her shingles sores.
But now, here she stood before me, a new woman, free and whole.
She twirled around, at least ten pounds off her frame, her hair shining, her body seeming to levitate. The very picture of Positive Feedback!
When I see her now, she tells me about her latest painting or collaborative art project. She and her husband downscaled their life to create space and time and financial wherewithal for her art. Despite a big shift in their income, she doesn’t miss the old lifestyle; she feels as if she’s finally living instead of simply existing.
Amy still occasionally has that tension in her neck—things get too hectic, the kids’ rehearsals are time-consuming, her own art school projects are due. “But I’m listening, Vicky,” she’ll say. Her Negative Feedback breakdown left her with a handy pain signal: Whenever she gets stressed or doesn’t sleep enough, or has too much sugar, or isn’t doing enough to nurture her art, she’ll feel a little tingle on her face where the shingles came out, just a little tickle at her hairline: I’m here , her pain says. Don’t forget about me. But Amy knows that, even when she tips into Negative Feedback temporarily, the road back to Positive Feedback is just one step away.
Amy’s shingles pain is a clear signal that she’ll carry with her for life: a little warning bell that she’s approaching Negative Feedback again. In week 1 of the Positive Feedback program, outlined in detail in part 2 of this book, we’ll go through two exercises, the Body Map and the Body Timeline, that enable you to recognize the patterns that your pain follows—the physical outlines, the what and when and where of the pain.
Unresolved painful issues may be in your tissues, but they can be released. When I manipulate patients’ muscles and connective tissues, I often help unlock the blocked bloodflow to those areas of the brain that are holding on to old, “forgotten” memories.
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