see a black eye,” she said even though she knew neither one of them would be that cruel.
His mouth tipped up at the corner. “Matty Ice started off pretty cool, but he mellowed. I told your brothers why I’m here…that you haven’t grieved over Kim yet and we haven’t…dealt with whatever this is between us.”
She fisted her hands in the hem of her shirt, feeling exposed and more than ganged up on. “You had no right to talk about me—about us—behind my back. But then again, you already did. Moira and Caroline told me earlier you’d been in touch with everyone but Andy.”
His jaw turned hard. “I had every right to talk to them! You lied to your family about me and tried to make me into someone I’m not. A guy who doesn’t want kids with his wife. You didn’t play fair.”
It was true, and the shame of that knowledge stung her cheeks, but she hadn’t wanted to risk losing their support. Her family was everything to her, the one thing she could fall back on when the world went crazy. “I know I didn’t play fair.” It was as much as she could admit to him right then.
He huffed out a sigh. “I cared about them, Nat. I still do. They had a right to know my side. I didn’t want them thinking I was some insensitive prick who would say something that awful right after his wife’s best friend and sister-in-law had died.”
He was like a harsh light, and since she was someone who wanted to stay in the dark, she strode away from him on impulse. Then she stopped in her tracks, realizing she was bringing him further into the house—not a wise plan. “So we’re choosing sides then? You're trying to get my family to gang up on me.”
His face fell. “No one wants to gang on you, babe. We love you. You’re not you, and you haven’t been for a while now. I’m only drawing attention to what everyone else in your family has already noticed.”
Yeah, and how had she reacted when Moira and Caroline finally mentioned it? She’d pushed them away.
Just like you did with Blake, she heard a voice say gently in her head.
She ignored it. “Why does everyone keep harping on this? I just want to be left alone.”
He had his arms wrapped around her before she could blink.
“No, you don’t. Babe, you’re not a loner. As someone who just lost his brother, I know there’s a balance between dealing with your grief in private and surrounding yourself with people who love you. You pushed the rest of us away completely.”
He was getting way too close to the truth, and it made her quake inside. Her face was scrunched against his chest, and though she wanted so badly to let herself be comforted by him, she locked her muscles against the feel of his hard body pressed against hers. Finally she did push him away. Hard. He loosened his grip, giving her more room, but he didn’t totally drop those sinewy arms of his.
“Let me go, Blake.”
“Just let me hold you for a minute. Is that going to kill you? Don’t you remember how much you loved for me to hold you, simply hold you, when one of us came home after a crappy day at work?”
Oh, how she remembered. She had grown to crave his strong arms around her. They always provided whatever she needed—comfort, security, strength. And she’d provided that same simple comfort for him after each devastating loss, on and off the field. At times it had terrified her how much she needed him.
But even the comfort of his arms hadn’t taken away the pain of Kim being diagnosed with cancer, and so she’d avoided his touch, anyone’s touch, fearing she’d shatter into a million pieces and go mad.
“God, you still smell the same,” he whispered. “I could never forget that smell.”
His warm breath against her ear made the hairs on the back of her neck raise. Being this close, she could feel his heart pounding like he’d run a sprint—the rapid beat matching her own. Something liquid rolled through her belly, cradled against his hips as she was.
It had been so
His mouth tipped up at the corner. “Matty Ice started off pretty cool, but he mellowed. I told your brothers why I’m here…that you haven’t grieved over Kim yet and we haven’t…dealt with whatever this is between us.”
She fisted her hands in the hem of her shirt, feeling exposed and more than ganged up on. “You had no right to talk about me—about us—behind my back. But then again, you already did. Moira and Caroline told me earlier you’d been in touch with everyone but Andy.”
His jaw turned hard. “I had every right to talk to them! You lied to your family about me and tried to make me into someone I’m not. A guy who doesn’t want kids with his wife. You didn’t play fair.”
It was true, and the shame of that knowledge stung her cheeks, but she hadn’t wanted to risk losing their support. Her family was everything to her, the one thing she could fall back on when the world went crazy. “I know I didn’t play fair.” It was as much as she could admit to him right then.
He huffed out a sigh. “I cared about them, Nat. I still do. They had a right to know my side. I didn’t want them thinking I was some insensitive prick who would say something that awful right after his wife’s best friend and sister-in-law had died.”
He was like a harsh light, and since she was someone who wanted to stay in the dark, she strode away from him on impulse. Then she stopped in her tracks, realizing she was bringing him further into the house—not a wise plan. “So we’re choosing sides then? You're trying to get my family to gang up on me.”
His face fell. “No one wants to gang on you, babe. We love you. You’re not you, and you haven’t been for a while now. I’m only drawing attention to what everyone else in your family has already noticed.”
Yeah, and how had she reacted when Moira and Caroline finally mentioned it? She’d pushed them away.
Just like you did with Blake, she heard a voice say gently in her head.
She ignored it. “Why does everyone keep harping on this? I just want to be left alone.”
He had his arms wrapped around her before she could blink.
“No, you don’t. Babe, you’re not a loner. As someone who just lost his brother, I know there’s a balance between dealing with your grief in private and surrounding yourself with people who love you. You pushed the rest of us away completely.”
He was getting way too close to the truth, and it made her quake inside. Her face was scrunched against his chest, and though she wanted so badly to let herself be comforted by him, she locked her muscles against the feel of his hard body pressed against hers. Finally she did push him away. Hard. He loosened his grip, giving her more room, but he didn’t totally drop those sinewy arms of his.
“Let me go, Blake.”
“Just let me hold you for a minute. Is that going to kill you? Don’t you remember how much you loved for me to hold you, simply hold you, when one of us came home after a crappy day at work?”
Oh, how she remembered. She had grown to crave his strong arms around her. They always provided whatever she needed—comfort, security, strength. And she’d provided that same simple comfort for him after each devastating loss, on and off the field. At times it had terrified her how much she needed him.
But even the comfort of his arms hadn’t taken away the pain of Kim being diagnosed with cancer, and so she’d avoided his touch, anyone’s touch, fearing she’d shatter into a million pieces and go mad.
“God, you still smell the same,” he whispered. “I could never forget that smell.”
His warm breath against her ear made the hairs on the back of her neck raise. Being this close, she could feel his heart pounding like he’d run a sprint—the rapid beat matching her own. Something liquid rolled through her belly, cradled against his hips as she was.
It had been so
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