feeding
and changing Axel for the third time tonight.
Axel was constantly hungry and then constantly pooping.
It was an endless cycle. Most parents say, be prepared for no sleep. Well they
should warn you that when they are awake, all they do is shit and eat.
Occasionally they cry.
“Why?” Jameson looked at me confused, his eyes following
Lucas down the hall.
“He’s wearing my maternity bra.” I told him rocking Axel
in his room. “It’s weird.”
Jameson took off to find Lucas.
I was not impressed with Logan and Lucas that
evening. They were either crying or laughing. I couldn’t understand how two
six-year old kids could be so annoying.
Around nine that night, everyone finally left and we were
once again alone with the baby.
You know that feeling you get when everything is right in
the world; you’re calm and collected?
That was not us at all, especially when it came time to
bath him that night. Andrea and Nancy offered to stay but we were adamant that
we could do this on our own.
Half way through the bath, I was ready to call them.
We had more soap and water on us than the baby, and let
me tell you, we had an abundance of water and entirely too much soap for one
baby.
Poor Axel just whimpered away. It was evident he sensed
we had no idea what we were doing.
“You have got too much soap on him.” I told Jameson while
he tried to wash his baby boy parts.
“No I don’t.”
“Yes ... yes you
do.”
“No I don’t.” he stated firmly turning to glare at me
holding our soapy baby in the air.
What did Axel do? He peed mid-air all over Jameson.
This made me happy.
“Apparently you’ll need more soap.” I told him
handing over the soap giggling hysterically.
My giggling turned to shrieking when Jameson turned Axel
on me.
I was now the one being peed on while Jameson laughed his
ass off. This made me unhappy.
“ Whhaa ... whhaa ... ” Axel started crying and momentarily
shocked us.
I say momentarily because he was still peeing on us.
“See ... he doesn’t
like his mommy peed on.” I smiled at both of them holding a towel up to cover
the stream.
“I’m sorry little man,” Jameson set him back in the
water. “mommy asked for it.” He turned to look over at me, amused. “Husband one.
Wife zero.”
“Oh hell no, we’re not starting that again.”
“Yes ... yes we
are.”
For being only four days old, Axel made the most
expressive faces. The one he was currently making made me smile. It was a set
scowl at Jameson, and kind of resembled the one Jameson gave most people. He
wasn’t impressed with our argument. I guess I wouldn’t be either if I was naked
in a bath and the two people who were supposed to be washing me were arguing.
Eventually we finished the bathing ritual. I couldn’t
believe how much work these tiny humans were.
So far, today I got up, fed him, burped him, changed him
and then rocked him to sleep. I must have done that ten times.
Once I finished up and he was asleep for a nap, it
started all over again a few hours later.
It was exhausting. I felt bad for women who have twins or
triplets or worse, six babies.
What were they thinking?
I didn’t get any better at being a new mommy. In fact, I
think it took a turn for the worst after a few days. I couldn’t understand
where the normal version of me had disappeared to. It was like she was on
vacation.
“Is that normal?” Jameson asked me.
“Is what normal?”
“The crying ... it
can’t be normal,” he ran his hand over the back of his neck. “can it?”
“What the fuck did you think was going to happen when we
had the baby?” I snapped. “They cry.”
“Well,” he lifted my chin for me to look at him, tears
falling down my cheeks. “I would expect it from the child ... not from you.”
“I’m sorry!” I wailed. “I have no clue what I’m doing and
neither do you!” the baby’s diaper was on backward, how that was possible was
beyond me, you’d think he would have noticed
and changing Axel for the third time tonight.
Axel was constantly hungry and then constantly pooping.
It was an endless cycle. Most parents say, be prepared for no sleep. Well they
should warn you that when they are awake, all they do is shit and eat.
Occasionally they cry.
“Why?” Jameson looked at me confused, his eyes following
Lucas down the hall.
“He’s wearing my maternity bra.” I told him rocking Axel
in his room. “It’s weird.”
Jameson took off to find Lucas.
I was not impressed with Logan and Lucas that
evening. They were either crying or laughing. I couldn’t understand how two
six-year old kids could be so annoying.
Around nine that night, everyone finally left and we were
once again alone with the baby.
You know that feeling you get when everything is right in
the world; you’re calm and collected?
That was not us at all, especially when it came time to
bath him that night. Andrea and Nancy offered to stay but we were adamant that
we could do this on our own.
Half way through the bath, I was ready to call them.
We had more soap and water on us than the baby, and let
me tell you, we had an abundance of water and entirely too much soap for one
baby.
Poor Axel just whimpered away. It was evident he sensed
we had no idea what we were doing.
“You have got too much soap on him.” I told Jameson while
he tried to wash his baby boy parts.
“No I don’t.”
“Yes ... yes you
do.”
“No I don’t.” he stated firmly turning to glare at me
holding our soapy baby in the air.
What did Axel do? He peed mid-air all over Jameson.
This made me happy.
“Apparently you’ll need more soap.” I told him
handing over the soap giggling hysterically.
My giggling turned to shrieking when Jameson turned Axel
on me.
I was now the one being peed on while Jameson laughed his
ass off. This made me unhappy.
“ Whhaa ... whhaa ... ” Axel started crying and momentarily
shocked us.
I say momentarily because he was still peeing on us.
“See ... he doesn’t
like his mommy peed on.” I smiled at both of them holding a towel up to cover
the stream.
“I’m sorry little man,” Jameson set him back in the
water. “mommy asked for it.” He turned to look over at me, amused. “Husband one.
Wife zero.”
“Oh hell no, we’re not starting that again.”
“Yes ... yes we
are.”
For being only four days old, Axel made the most
expressive faces. The one he was currently making made me smile. It was a set
scowl at Jameson, and kind of resembled the one Jameson gave most people. He
wasn’t impressed with our argument. I guess I wouldn’t be either if I was naked
in a bath and the two people who were supposed to be washing me were arguing.
Eventually we finished the bathing ritual. I couldn’t
believe how much work these tiny humans were.
So far, today I got up, fed him, burped him, changed him
and then rocked him to sleep. I must have done that ten times.
Once I finished up and he was asleep for a nap, it
started all over again a few hours later.
It was exhausting. I felt bad for women who have twins or
triplets or worse, six babies.
What were they thinking?
I didn’t get any better at being a new mommy. In fact, I
think it took a turn for the worst after a few days. I couldn’t understand
where the normal version of me had disappeared to. It was like she was on
vacation.
“Is that normal?” Jameson asked me.
“Is what normal?”
“The crying ... it
can’t be normal,” he ran his hand over the back of his neck. “can it?”
“What the fuck did you think was going to happen when we
had the baby?” I snapped. “They cry.”
“Well,” he lifted my chin for me to look at him, tears
falling down my cheeks. “I would expect it from the child ... not from you.”
“I’m sorry!” I wailed. “I have no clue what I’m doing and
neither do you!” the baby’s diaper was on backward, how that was possible was
beyond me, you’d think he would have noticed
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