The Cowboy Bible and Other Stories by Carlos Velázquez Page A

up intoxicated to meet him runs the risk of him putting you in charge of the municipal dog pound or making you a Green Party volunteer for some political cause.
    If, as Santi Carrillo proposes, music journalism is just a bourgeois extravagance, then we can understand the reviews that followed The Cowgirl Bible’s first presentation, what we might call a comeback, with her new trio: The Midnight Angel of Oil for Cars:
The lewdness The Cowgirl Bible Parker deploys so directly reflects the nearly endless pubis she’s had available during almost the entire tour of England she’s just completed. It’s part of one of the rhythmic patterns that have become her trademark during that time. During the intro and the verse we can hear the drums, the blade, and the bass playing in unison through an upbeat 7/4. The emphatic gestures come before and after the beat in a way that’s totally innovative for heavy metal, especially when the band emphasizes the bass-drum pattern. At other times, it’s more conventional, as in the razor solo, which is nonetheless very effective. The Cowgirl Bible’s solo is like a high spiritual scream and evolves to a sonorous seduction, intensified by the use of the Octavia and its shameless adornments. It’s one of The Cowgirl Bible’s most inventive interludes, complete with phrases that she builds on as if she were talking to herself.
    Portinarismos aside, and no longer the amateur who’d been invited to perform only at informal gatherings and cocktail parties, The Cowgirl Bible turned out to be a real virtuoso on the wah-wah pedal. As with Jesus’s life, a part of The Cowgirl Bible’s life runs perpendicular to this narrative, without our knowing her whereabouts. There’s a hole in the story. If indeed INRI went into seclusion in the desert to talk with YHWH, in an anti-apocryphal version of Vicente Fernández’s song, Hoy platiqué con mi gallo , The Cowgirl Bible Parker, on the B-side, also decided to seclude herself in the desert, according to certain non-canonical gospels, to make a deal with the State’s unholy lover, Satan. This happened between her visit to Crossroad and her triumphant comeback. It was about a three-year period. What was The Cowgirl Bible’s address during this time? Could it be true she was abducted by Egyptian extraterrestrial telenovela addicts? Was this foretold in Jaime Pausán’s prophecies? Remain in your seats. After the talk we’ll open up for questions.
    Jesus fled to the desert so he wouldn’t be seduced by evil’s gourmet desserts: flan, egg custard, rice pudding, pastries, cookies, sodacerveza sodacerveza , gorditas , chicharrón picadillo gorditas in mole, lonches lonches lonches , and masks masks masks bring your masks we’ve got a Místico el Huracán Ramírez Damián 666 mask, send your boy send your gal we’ll give you three packs of caguama for six caramel apples, tamales tamales we have hot tamales, yes you heard right for just forty pesos we’re gonna let you have two pairs of socks four swim suits and a shawl today only and before eight p.m. c’mon up close, for your mother-in-law the plague spider fly cockroach bring your roach powder bring it bring it, a watermelon fat watermelon Chinese watermelon sweet five for ten pesos, red melon red melon red, a little something for the love of God ma’am I’m just trying to get enough for fare to Juárez I’m gonna cross the border to join up with my carnal who’s in Elay I’ll sweep your street wash your car mow your lawn in the name of the little virgin of Guadalupop even if it’s just a taco ma’am may God repay you with many children and may God keep you in his Holy Glory amen, etc.
    The Cowgirl Bible didn’t have to go anywhere. She was already in the desert. So she went to meet the Boss of Bosses. Respected at every level. Old and wise: Satan.
    This is how it happened:
    But first, a problem that all systole narratives face: how to represent the devil. Is it true or false that he