yet she would not look up, for her breast burned with shame. Shame for how she had failed her foster-family; shame that she had never yet shared … least of all with Linnet, who thought her so bright, so strong.
But then Linnet’s hands were cradling Rhiann’s bent head, stroking her hair, her shoulders, firm and gentle at the same time. ‘Child of my heart, their deaths could never be laid at your door; you never failed anyone.’
At those words, Rhiann gave a shudder in Linnet’s arms. ‘Then why am I exiled from Her grace? I am punished!’
‘No.’ Linnet struggled to raise Rhiann’s face, to reach through her pain, brushing her cold tears away. ‘It is the grief of the raid that blocks you, child, the pain of what those animals did. You will heal and regain what you have lost.’
Slowly, Rhiann shook her head, staring out at the dark, rustling trees over Linnet’s shoulder. ‘I must find Her again, and prove myself worthy. I thought … I thought surrendering to Eremon’s love was the key, but it is not … my love is not enough.’ Rhiann’s mouth spasmed with despair, and Linnet pressed desperate lips to her forehead.
‘The Goddess is love, not judgement,’ Linnet whispered. It is pain that shrouds you, that is all.’
‘That is not all, it cannot be all.’ With aching muscles, Rhiann drew herself to her feet, swaying a little, wiping her wet cheeks with harsh fingers. ‘There is more I must do. To atone.’
Linnet slowly rose. The chill of the night air was now creeping beneath the folds of Rhiann’s wool dress, and the pool was wreathed in mist. She sensed Linnet’s distress reaching out to her across the clearing, yet her aunt made no move forward.
After a long moment of silence Linnet’s shoulders slumped, her head bowing, and the energy cradling Rhiann suddenly seemed to dim. In the cold space it left she shivered, wrapping her arms around herself. Her heart was cloven, and desperately she realized she must force the edges back together now. For if they spilled open, all the pain of all the years would bleed out, and there would be nothing left. She must gain control …
Her breath rattling in her chest, Rhiann turned and looked out at the dark woods, seeking to contain the despair, the disappointment, the abandonment in a shell of numbness. That had worked before, and enabled her to keep going. She had to cling to her mind, to protect her heart.
Abruptly, she was arrested by a thought from the deep recesses of her mind. I must find a way to earn Her favour … but I have not gone far enough … loving Eremon was not enough …
In desperation Rhiann grasped at the thought, and hung on. As the failure was great, so the task she had to fulfil must be greater still. And it had been given to her long ago; she’d known all along how important it was. She did not realize she had spoken aloud until Linnet took a step closer. ‘A task, child? What task?’
Rhiann spun to face her, strength flowing back into her limbs. ‘My vision, aunt, my dream! Over the years it has changed, but it has been there since I was a child, calling me.’
‘You never told me of a dream.’ Linnet’s face was in shadow, the moonlight a sheen on her hair.
‘I thought you would think me proud – that, or mad!’ Rhiann’s hand floated towards Linnet, then clenched by her side, the words rushing out like an undammed stream. ‘I will tell you. I am in a valley of light, and all the people of Alba are around me. Eagles cry from the mountains above, bringing danger – they are the Romans, you see. Yet I stand in the valley, cupping the cauldron of the goddess Ceridwen, gathering the Source so that it will drive back the eagles, the shadows, protecting my land and people.’
Rhiann paused for a moment, savouring the feeling of the Source that resounded through her dream, the light that ran through all things and connected all worlds. In life she had to struggle to feel it, but in that dream it poured from
But then Linnet’s hands were cradling Rhiann’s bent head, stroking her hair, her shoulders, firm and gentle at the same time. ‘Child of my heart, their deaths could never be laid at your door; you never failed anyone.’
At those words, Rhiann gave a shudder in Linnet’s arms. ‘Then why am I exiled from Her grace? I am punished!’
‘No.’ Linnet struggled to raise Rhiann’s face, to reach through her pain, brushing her cold tears away. ‘It is the grief of the raid that blocks you, child, the pain of what those animals did. You will heal and regain what you have lost.’
Slowly, Rhiann shook her head, staring out at the dark, rustling trees over Linnet’s shoulder. ‘I must find Her again, and prove myself worthy. I thought … I thought surrendering to Eremon’s love was the key, but it is not … my love is not enough.’ Rhiann’s mouth spasmed with despair, and Linnet pressed desperate lips to her forehead.
‘The Goddess is love, not judgement,’ Linnet whispered. It is pain that shrouds you, that is all.’
‘That is not all, it cannot be all.’ With aching muscles, Rhiann drew herself to her feet, swaying a little, wiping her wet cheeks with harsh fingers. ‘There is more I must do. To atone.’
Linnet slowly rose. The chill of the night air was now creeping beneath the folds of Rhiann’s wool dress, and the pool was wreathed in mist. She sensed Linnet’s distress reaching out to her across the clearing, yet her aunt made no move forward.
After a long moment of silence Linnet’s shoulders slumped, her head bowing, and the energy cradling Rhiann suddenly seemed to dim. In the cold space it left she shivered, wrapping her arms around herself. Her heart was cloven, and desperately she realized she must force the edges back together now. For if they spilled open, all the pain of all the years would bleed out, and there would be nothing left. She must gain control …
Her breath rattling in her chest, Rhiann turned and looked out at the dark woods, seeking to contain the despair, the disappointment, the abandonment in a shell of numbness. That had worked before, and enabled her to keep going. She had to cling to her mind, to protect her heart.
Abruptly, she was arrested by a thought from the deep recesses of her mind. I must find a way to earn Her favour … but I have not gone far enough … loving Eremon was not enough …
In desperation Rhiann grasped at the thought, and hung on. As the failure was great, so the task she had to fulfil must be greater still. And it had been given to her long ago; she’d known all along how important it was. She did not realize she had spoken aloud until Linnet took a step closer. ‘A task, child? What task?’
Rhiann spun to face her, strength flowing back into her limbs. ‘My vision, aunt, my dream! Over the years it has changed, but it has been there since I was a child, calling me.’
‘You never told me of a dream.’ Linnet’s face was in shadow, the moonlight a sheen on her hair.
‘I thought you would think me proud – that, or mad!’ Rhiann’s hand floated towards Linnet, then clenched by her side, the words rushing out like an undammed stream. ‘I will tell you. I am in a valley of light, and all the people of Alba are around me. Eagles cry from the mountains above, bringing danger – they are the Romans, you see. Yet I stand in the valley, cupping the cauldron of the goddess Ceridwen, gathering the Source so that it will drive back the eagles, the shadows, protecting my land and people.’
Rhiann paused for a moment, savouring the feeling of the Source that resounded through her dream, the light that ran through all things and connected all worlds. In life she had to struggle to feel it, but in that dream it poured from
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