The Dead Fathers Club

The Dead Fathers Club by Matt Haig Page A

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Authors: Matt Haig
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up the mess and Dads Ghost went to watch them and I listened at the door and just heard Mumbles but I knew the Mumbles were about me.
    And I knew that Uncle Alan was going to stay in the spare room and I knew Mum wanted him to and I knew it was all my fault.
    And I couldnt help it. I went out of the bedroom and into the kitchen and Dads Ghost was there shaking his head saying No.
    But I couldnt help it and I said Its him its him its him!!!
    And I was pointing at Uncle Alan but not looking and my body was shaking and Mum was holding me and spit was out of my mouth hanging and I was in her jumper my face was and I closed my eyes and smelt her warm jumper and it was a nice smell like flowers.

Mr Fairview and the Trout
    I was early at school and I got there before almost anyone in my Year apart from Nigel Curtain who lives on a farm 15 miles away and who gets dropped off by his dad on Wednesdays when his dad goes to the Cattle Market.
    Before I smashed the window and before I screamed out in my sleep and stole the mini bus Nigel Curtain was the one that got picked on the most because of his school jumpers which his mum makes for him and for his hair which is fuzzy and for the way he talks in a deep voice without moving his mouth as if the words are coming from somewhere else.
    But now when the bus arrives and brings everyone from Winthorpe Road and Yorke Drive like Dominic Weekly and Jordan Harper I am left on my own and not even Nigel will talk to me.
    And this morning when I saw all the people coming I stood up off the bench and started walking towards the main school building because sometimes I am allowed in early. But when I was halfway someone grabbed my bag which was over my back and pulled me and started spinning me round. I saw someone laughing and I saw his colours his black Adidas jacket and his pink skinny face and his fish eyes and his black hair and it was Jordan Harper so I knew it was Dominic Weekly who had got me. Dominic Weekly is stronger than Jordan and bigger and wants to be in the army and has SAS in big black ink on his rucksack and I was spinning fast now and saying Please.
    Jordan was bent laughing and Dominic said Please what?
    I said Please stop.
    He said OK.
    And he let me go and I went flying and landed on my hands and scraped them and they were cut and it burnt and I felt tears in my eyes but stopped them in time and Dominic said Ill give you a spade and you can tell your dad.
    He gobbed on me and Jordan was laughing.
    And I had my meeting with Mrs Fell but I didnt say about Dominic Weekly or about throwing the chilli sin carne or seeing Dads Ghost again but I did tell her about the Pub being smashed up and that is when she told me I should write everything down.
    She said it helps to write everything straight on paper or on computer but she thinks paper is best. I asked her why and she said that when you write with a pen it is like writing with a part of yourself like it is another finger. I liked that and so I said the ink must be like blood and she said it is blue so I must be royal like Prince William.
    She said that writing is sometimes easier than speaking even though it takes longer and she said it is easier because you can do it on your own and say things that you are scared to speak unless it was by yourself and if you speak to yourself people think you are mad but if you write the same things they think you are clever.
    Mum picked me up from school because it was raining very heavy and Renuka was in the front in her tracksuit and talking at 500 miles an hour and they had been to the gym and I sat in the back and looked at the raindrops swimming together like fish across the window and I was not saying anything because I was right and Uncle Alan was staying with us now in the spare bedroom.
    And I thought that was bad but I still had more than one month to kill him before Dad had to suffer the Terrors for ever.
    After tea Uncle Alan sat back in Dads chair and swallowed his food and said Its

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