a missed opportunity this place you know?
And Mum didnt know so Uncle Alan said I could help you turn it round I could really.
Mum said What do you mean?
Uncle Alan whistled air out of his hairy nose and then he said Take all those Real Ales.
And Mum said What about them?
Uncle Alan folded his arms still nose whistling and he said Stale flat unprofitable.
Mum said But
Uncle Alan lifted his hand and said I know what youre going to say but the facts speak for themselves. People want lager. They want names they know and prices they can afford.
Mum said But
Uncle Alan said Listen. Im not Bill Gates but I know a thing or two about making a pretty penny.
Mum said But
Uncle Alan said Youve got to let your head rule your heart. Not the other way round. The last thing Brian would want to see is this place going under.
Mum said I know. I know. When you put it like that.
And I said Mum can I go to my room?
Uncle Alan said All Im asking is to give my way a go for a month. Ive got loads of ideas.
I said Mum can I go to my room?
Mum said What Philip?
But my question came into her head and she said Yes of course you can.
I went into my room.
And later Mr Fairview came.
Mr Fairview is Uncle Alans friend and he is his Partner at the Garage but he doesnt work there and doesnt have black on his hands and wears clothes that are out of a time machine and he has hair flat on his head.
Mr Fairview and Uncle Alan have been friends for a long time and they always go fishing together with another man called Terry who I dont know but Uncle Alan takes the mickey out of Mr Fairview behind his back because Mr Fairview is part of the God Squad and talks from the Bible all the time.
He came round to see Uncle Alan and it was seven o clock and I was in my bedroom and Mum came in and said Come and say hello to Mr Fairview.
Really she wanted me to see Leah who is Mr Fairviews daughter and she is a Year Eight and that is a Year above me and I didnt know her but I had seen her in assemblies and she is tall and has long brown hair with bits of red in and a smile that curves down at the ends which is nice.
And when I came into the kitchen and started talking to her Mum and Uncle Alan made wide eyes as if we were boyfriend and girlfriend and Mr Fairview just looked at me with his old long face looking like her grandad not her dad. Mum was wearing lots of Make Up and her eyebrows were thin like lines and then I noticed there was a big silver fish on the unit.
Mum said Look what Mr Fairview brought us Philip.
I looked at the fish and the sad smile.
Mr Fairview said Newark Trout straight out of the Trent. Couldnt get one that size from any fishmonger in town.
Mr Fairview is a man who looks like he was born a man not a boy because his face looks like it was never a boys face and he looks like God made his skin the wrong size for him because it has too many lines and it hangs down off his cheeks like a dog.
The eyes of the dead fish were looking at me and it made me feel weird and I thought I saw the mouth of the fish move and say Fishmonger but I closed my eyes hard shut and opened them and I knew it was my imagination.
Â
fish
Â
mon
Â
ger
Â
And I started talking to Leah again who was looking at me like I was funny and Mum said Why dont you show Leah your room Philip?
Mr Fairview said Go on Lambkin you dont want to be with us boring grown ups.
And so I took her to my room and she said Wow youve got fish!
She bent down and looked at them and her hair nearly touched the floor and she pointed at the Angelfish and said Shes pretty.
I said Shes an Angelfish.
And then she said You stole a mini bus.
And I went red like the mini bus and said Yes.
And she said Thats funny and then she stood up and laughed and fell back on the bed and I sat on the edge of the bed.
And we talked and talked and I talked about what my dad was like and she said her dad was OK but he talks about God too much and thinks he knows everything and
And Mum didnt know so Uncle Alan said I could help you turn it round I could really.
Mum said What do you mean?
Uncle Alan whistled air out of his hairy nose and then he said Take all those Real Ales.
And Mum said What about them?
Uncle Alan folded his arms still nose whistling and he said Stale flat unprofitable.
Mum said But
Uncle Alan lifted his hand and said I know what youre going to say but the facts speak for themselves. People want lager. They want names they know and prices they can afford.
Mum said But
Uncle Alan said Listen. Im not Bill Gates but I know a thing or two about making a pretty penny.
Mum said But
Uncle Alan said Youve got to let your head rule your heart. Not the other way round. The last thing Brian would want to see is this place going under.
Mum said I know. I know. When you put it like that.
And I said Mum can I go to my room?
Uncle Alan said All Im asking is to give my way a go for a month. Ive got loads of ideas.
I said Mum can I go to my room?
Mum said What Philip?
But my question came into her head and she said Yes of course you can.
I went into my room.
And later Mr Fairview came.
Mr Fairview is Uncle Alans friend and he is his Partner at the Garage but he doesnt work there and doesnt have black on his hands and wears clothes that are out of a time machine and he has hair flat on his head.
Mr Fairview and Uncle Alan have been friends for a long time and they always go fishing together with another man called Terry who I dont know but Uncle Alan takes the mickey out of Mr Fairview behind his back because Mr Fairview is part of the God Squad and talks from the Bible all the time.
He came round to see Uncle Alan and it was seven o clock and I was in my bedroom and Mum came in and said Come and say hello to Mr Fairview.
Really she wanted me to see Leah who is Mr Fairviews daughter and she is a Year Eight and that is a Year above me and I didnt know her but I had seen her in assemblies and she is tall and has long brown hair with bits of red in and a smile that curves down at the ends which is nice.
And when I came into the kitchen and started talking to her Mum and Uncle Alan made wide eyes as if we were boyfriend and girlfriend and Mr Fairview just looked at me with his old long face looking like her grandad not her dad. Mum was wearing lots of Make Up and her eyebrows were thin like lines and then I noticed there was a big silver fish on the unit.
Mum said Look what Mr Fairview brought us Philip.
I looked at the fish and the sad smile.
Mr Fairview said Newark Trout straight out of the Trent. Couldnt get one that size from any fishmonger in town.
Mr Fairview is a man who looks like he was born a man not a boy because his face looks like it was never a boys face and he looks like God made his skin the wrong size for him because it has too many lines and it hangs down off his cheeks like a dog.
The eyes of the dead fish were looking at me and it made me feel weird and I thought I saw the mouth of the fish move and say Fishmonger but I closed my eyes hard shut and opened them and I knew it was my imagination.
Â
fish
Â
mon
Â
ger
Â
And I started talking to Leah again who was looking at me like I was funny and Mum said Why dont you show Leah your room Philip?
Mr Fairview said Go on Lambkin you dont want to be with us boring grown ups.
And so I took her to my room and she said Wow youve got fish!
She bent down and looked at them and her hair nearly touched the floor and she pointed at the Angelfish and said Shes pretty.
I said Shes an Angelfish.
And then she said You stole a mini bus.
And I went red like the mini bus and said Yes.
And she said Thats funny and then she stood up and laughed and fell back on the bed and I sat on the edge of the bed.
And we talked and talked and I talked about what my dad was like and she said her dad was OK but he talks about God too much and thinks he knows everything and
Similar Books
