The Death of Me by Yolanda Olson

my hands through my hair. “I’ve fucked up enough lives, I don’t think it would do him any good for me to show up and shit on everything he knows. You should go, though! I think it would do you some good to meet him.”
    “Zaydee, you need to stop. You didn’t fuck up anything or ruin anything that wasn’t already meant to be ruined,” he said as patiently as he could.
    Truer words were never spoken, I thought with a soft chuckle.
    “Let me know how he’s doing, okay?” I said softly, as I leaned over and kissed him on his cheek. I reached into the back seat and retrieved the envelopes that Grandma had given to me in her home and pushed the door open.
    I hopped out of his car and practically ran to the front door of the hotel, Garrett calling my name from the driver’s side window. I didn’t turn around and I didn’t stop. It would’ve made me weak enough to go with him to Phoenix and I didn’t want to go. I didn’t want to do that to a kid that probably didn’t know anything about me anyway.
    I walked past the front desk and took the stairs up to my room. I didn’t feel like waiting for the elevator today either. I wanted to get to my room and make a very important phone call. Even though I wouldn’t be going to actually see Scott, it didn’t mean that I couldn’t call and check on him.
    When I got to my room it dawned on me that I didn’t know Uncle Bill and Aunt Rose’s phone number, so I would have to make a phone call I didn’t want to in order to get the information.
    Fuck. I’m really not in the mood for the third degree, I thought as I unhappily dialed my parents’ phone number.
    “Hello?”
    It was Dad. I knew I should have hung up after the second ring.
    “Hey,” I said timidly.
    He stayed quiet for a moment before pulling the phone away from his mouth and called out to my mother.
    “Your daughter is on the phone!”
    That stung. Like I had tripped a bee’s nest and was being relentlessly attacked. But I took a deep breath and waited for Mom to come to the phone.
    “Zaydee?”
    “I was wondering if you had Uncle Bill’s phone number,” I said quietly.
    Mom rattled off the number and I told her to wait so I could find a pen and piece of paper. When I was ready, I told her to go ahead. She gave it to me again and then was silent for a moment.
    “Why are you calling Bill?” she asked curiously.
    “Garrett and Grandma told me, Mom. I just ... I just want to make sure he’s doing okay,” I explained hesitantly.
    “Send him our love.”
    Click.
    The line went dead and I listened to the sound of the buzzing until it dropped off into silence. I sighed unhappily and thought of how much more damage had been done to my parents after they found out that Garrett was the one that had gotten me pregnant at such a young age.
    I hung up the phone and looked down at the number I had scrawled onto the back of the envelope stack that Grandma had given me. I put the pen and the packet next to the phone and laid down to face the window. I wouldn’t be able to call and check on him if I felt like a failure, so I decided to take a nap instead. Maybe by the time I woke up, I’d be brave enough to make that phone call.

Fourteen
    A few hours later, the sound of the phone ringing incessantly woke me from my sleep. My body was completely stiff causing me to flinch when I stretched. I closed my eyes tightly for a moment before turning onto my back and looking up at the ceiling. I draped an arm across my forehead and turned my head slightly to the right, waiting for the ringing to stop. But since it didn't, I blindly started reaching toward it in frustration. I sighed heavily when I accidentally knocked the receiver onto the floor from its cradle and had to roll over the side of the bed to retrieve it.
    "Hello?" I asked tiredly, when I finally put it to my ear.
    "It's about goddamn time! I've been calling you for days," Garrett barked into the phone.
    "What? I took a nap, don't be so dramatic," I said,