The Diary of Ma Yan

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Authors: Ma Yan
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food, orders us straight off. It’s already dark.
    The moment we leave, I feel very sad. Tears stream down my face. I’m desolate about leaving home.
    On the black, nighttime road, I fall behind. A little farther on, the other two decide on an alternative route, saying that on the first one we might get stopped. I follow them. After we’ve walked a little more, Ma Yichao suggests that next time we should get a tractor for one yuan. I agree. Ma Shiping doesn’t. She wants to carry on walking to school.
    We trail behind her. It’s so dark that after a little while we lose sight of her. We run to catch up with her, but we still can’t see her. I start to cry loudly. When we finally find her, I’m so happy, I burst into laughter.
    Ma Shiping refuses to be intimidated by potential danger. She won’t give in to it. Even if her life is at stake, she carries on. I admire her with all my heart.
    Monday, December 4
    Today after school the others went home. Ma Jing and I did our homework quickly, then went to the market. In a little shop I bought a notebook for my Chinese class and a smaller one for my diary. Ma Jing bought a few hairpins and a towel.
    By chance I meet a relative, holding a big bag in her hand. She tells me my mother asked her to bring us some padded clothes that would keep us really warm. I open the bag and see that Mother has also sent along some doughnuts cooked in the fat from yesterday’s feast.
    I’m thrilled. Tonight I’ll be able to eat lots. But I ask myself whether we’ll be able to return my mother’s kindness when she gets old.
    Let’s hope so….
    Tuesday, December 5
    Music lesson this afternoon. The teacher warns us, “Study well, because next week we’re having a test.” Everyone starts to study. My heart sinks. As soon as the word test is mentioned, I feel like crying.
    Why cry? Because I didn’t come in at the top of the class in math or Chinese in the midterm exams. When I told my parents about this, Father didn’t say anything. He simply walked out of the house. But Mother exploded. “If you carry on doing badly, you won’t even deserve the rolls you take along each week.”
    Even though Father didn’t say anything, I think he’s angrierthan Mother. That’s why I have to do well in the music test next week. I have to bring at least one good grade home to my parents.
    Wednesday, December 6
    This morning it’s beautiful out. Beginning the day’s fast for Ramadan, the girls in the dorm tell each other funny stories. We’ve lit the incense we all bought together and we watch it burn. We tell each other we can soon go home and ask our mothers to make us noodles and rolls, so that we don’t go around starving all the time.
    When I hear a comrade say this, I feel really bad. It reminds me that I didn’t come in first in the class. How will I be able to face going home and eating the meals Mother prepares?
    But I have confidence in myself. At the end-of-term exams, if I don’t come in first, I must at least come in second.
    Thursday, December 7
    The last class of the day is natural sciences. Then the comrades go out to play. I stay back to do my homework. Suddenly Ma Xiaohong and Ma Shiping, who are in my class, come in and ask, “What are you up to?”
    Ma Xiaohong doesn’t move, but Ma Shiping tears the notebook out from under me while I’m still writing. The word scrawls off, the notebook is torn, the pencil broken.
    I’m so angry I can’t keep it back. I swear at her, insult her. Shepays me back in kind. I get so furious I can’t even speak any longer. She goes away.
    Ma Jing says, “Your cousin is really angry.”
    I answer, “Too bad. It’s her fault in any case!”
    But in my heart, it’s as if I’m the guilty one, because she’s older than me and I owe her some respect. My explosion was over the top. That’s probably

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