door.
And lead us not into temptation, Theophil said. His fingers curled into the palms of his hands. The priest taught me the same way he taught you, he said. He spat on the floor.
And uncurling one hand he wiped it across the back of his mouth.
Felix shut his eyes. He could feel the sweat trickling down the furrows of his cheeks.
Angel, he said, I need you.
She drew back behind Theophil.
I’ve heard those words before, she said. What’s the use of going from worse back to bad?
Felix felt the scratch. He put out his hand. He saw her for a moment as a small cat, trying to step her way through the puddles of the world. Fighting the dogs. Mousing for her young.
Angel, he called as he called the terrier. Angel.
Stop bellowing like a sick cow, Theophil said. And get moving. We don’t want any trouble here. I don’t want to answer in justice for knocking you down. Besides, he said, I’d have to hire a block and tackle to get you off my doorstep.
You couldn’t knock him down, Angel said. He could snap you open the way a man knocks open a box. He could split you down the core the way a man splits open an apple.
What’s the matter? she said to Felix. I never in my life heard you call on anyone.
It’s Kip, he said.
Angel shoved past Theophil and beat her hands against Felix’s bib.
What’s the matter? she cried. Don’t stand there like a lump of meat. What’s happened?
He’s been beat up, Felix said, and I think blinded.
I knew, Angel moaned. I knew no good was in the wind. Blinded? she asked. For sure? Blinded, she said. Who’ll see anything worth seeing now?
She went to the door and called the children.
Theophil sat down on the mattress and lit a cigarette.
Some men get what’s coming to them, he said. He stretched his legs out and leaned back on his arm, his cigarette between his teeth.
When she goes off with you, he said to Felix, I want you to know that I’ve already given her notice. It’s the kids I feel sorry for, he said.
6
Go out and bring back Lenchen, the Widow said to the boy. Then together we will think what to do.
Yet even as he began to eat, rubbing his bread in the bacon fat, she began again. Looking out the window at the land fenced off. At the dry parcel which marriage with Wagner had given her.
I had things ready. Things from my family.
Then she stopped. Hearing her own voice in the boy’s silence. Her face stirring like ground cracked above a growing shoot.
Heinrich, she said. Then she stopped.
Flesh calls for flesh, she thought. She had paid enough. Had come with Wagner. Her lips closed. Her eyes shut. Had come into the wilderness. She had done wrong. She had seen the wrong. It was God who would judge.
She covered her eyes with her hand.
She had cried out against God. She had set wrong on wrong. She had been judged. Eyes looking from the creek bottom. From the body of another old woman. Knowledge. Silence. Shame.
Heinrich, she said. Go. Go.
Heinrich pushed back from the table.
I’ve been thinking, he said. In the night.
Ya, she said. You slept. Heavy like a stone in the house.
I should have been able to tell Lenchen something, he said. I should have been able to tell her what to do.
How would you know? his mother asked. You’ve not loved.
No, he said. But he thought of light blazed into a branch of fire. How could he say that the earth scorched his foot. That he must become ash and be born into a light which burned but did not destroy.
Without speaking he buckled on his chaps.
7
Just after Heinrich passed the lake he overtook Ara and William. They were riding slowly. Ara clamped stiff as a clothes-peg on the back of William’s bald-faced mare.
The boy looked at the restless movement of Ara’s hat. It had fallen suspended on its bootlace to her shoulders, and slapped and jerked with every forward step of the horse.
Lenchen was part of any animal she rode. Moved with its movement as if she and the horse breathed with the same lungs. Rode easy as foam on
And lead us not into temptation, Theophil said. His fingers curled into the palms of his hands. The priest taught me the same way he taught you, he said. He spat on the floor.
And uncurling one hand he wiped it across the back of his mouth.
Felix shut his eyes. He could feel the sweat trickling down the furrows of his cheeks.
Angel, he said, I need you.
She drew back behind Theophil.
I’ve heard those words before, she said. What’s the use of going from worse back to bad?
Felix felt the scratch. He put out his hand. He saw her for a moment as a small cat, trying to step her way through the puddles of the world. Fighting the dogs. Mousing for her young.
Angel, he called as he called the terrier. Angel.
Stop bellowing like a sick cow, Theophil said. And get moving. We don’t want any trouble here. I don’t want to answer in justice for knocking you down. Besides, he said, I’d have to hire a block and tackle to get you off my doorstep.
You couldn’t knock him down, Angel said. He could snap you open the way a man knocks open a box. He could split you down the core the way a man splits open an apple.
What’s the matter? she said to Felix. I never in my life heard you call on anyone.
It’s Kip, he said.
Angel shoved past Theophil and beat her hands against Felix’s bib.
What’s the matter? she cried. Don’t stand there like a lump of meat. What’s happened?
He’s been beat up, Felix said, and I think blinded.
I knew, Angel moaned. I knew no good was in the wind. Blinded? she asked. For sure? Blinded, she said. Who’ll see anything worth seeing now?
She went to the door and called the children.
Theophil sat down on the mattress and lit a cigarette.
Some men get what’s coming to them, he said. He stretched his legs out and leaned back on his arm, his cigarette between his teeth.
When she goes off with you, he said to Felix, I want you to know that I’ve already given her notice. It’s the kids I feel sorry for, he said.
6
Go out and bring back Lenchen, the Widow said to the boy. Then together we will think what to do.
Yet even as he began to eat, rubbing his bread in the bacon fat, she began again. Looking out the window at the land fenced off. At the dry parcel which marriage with Wagner had given her.
I had things ready. Things from my family.
Then she stopped. Hearing her own voice in the boy’s silence. Her face stirring like ground cracked above a growing shoot.
Heinrich, she said. Then she stopped.
Flesh calls for flesh, she thought. She had paid enough. Had come with Wagner. Her lips closed. Her eyes shut. Had come into the wilderness. She had done wrong. She had seen the wrong. It was God who would judge.
She covered her eyes with her hand.
She had cried out against God. She had set wrong on wrong. She had been judged. Eyes looking from the creek bottom. From the body of another old woman. Knowledge. Silence. Shame.
Heinrich, she said. Go. Go.
Heinrich pushed back from the table.
I’ve been thinking, he said. In the night.
Ya, she said. You slept. Heavy like a stone in the house.
I should have been able to tell Lenchen something, he said. I should have been able to tell her what to do.
How would you know? his mother asked. You’ve not loved.
No, he said. But he thought of light blazed into a branch of fire. How could he say that the earth scorched his foot. That he must become ash and be born into a light which burned but did not destroy.
Without speaking he buckled on his chaps.
7
Just after Heinrich passed the lake he overtook Ara and William. They were riding slowly. Ara clamped stiff as a clothes-peg on the back of William’s bald-faced mare.
The boy looked at the restless movement of Ara’s hat. It had fallen suspended on its bootlace to her shoulders, and slapped and jerked with every forward step of the horse.
Lenchen was part of any animal she rode. Moved with its movement as if she and the horse breathed with the same lungs. Rode easy as foam on
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