Mine had been in untidy stacks around the room, notes spilling across the desk, on the radiator and spread all over the floor. I was untidy by nature; his orderliness had seduced me.
I bent forward to touch my lips lightly to his hair, feeling the strands of wiry grey distinct from the black softness. Then I pulled off my clothes, throwing them towards the chair where Adam had left his carefully folded trousers. Some landed on the floor, the rest on top of his. He’d notice and mind. Marriage and even children had made no difference: lapped by disorder, his orderliness had become entrenched. The dull morning light picked out the spine of a large book on his bedside table:
The Encyclopedia of Wildlife in Southern Africa.
He’d probably made notes.
Lifting the duvet carefully, I slid close, turning and stretching until my back was pressed up against his warm length. My limbs seemed to melt in the heat. The baby gave a little flurry of kicks high under my ribcage. Adam, still sleeping, moved closer, slipping a hand around me. I’d taken the following day off, I could relax, but a list flickered in front
of my eyes even as the dark edges of sleep began to close around me. Coffee with Megan, a meeting with Mrs Philips, collect up the research papers to print off in case the Internet wasn’t reliable in Botswana …
Surfacing into a bright morning, I saw Adam’s face above mine. Side-lit by a narrow beam of early sun, the deep creases between his eyebrows were shadowed and faint traces of a flaking rash edged his hair.
‘What happened last night that your registrar couldn’t handle?’ He bent to kiss me, his mouth tasting of toothpaste and coffee.
‘Undiagnosed primip breech. Francesca panicked.’
Adam nodded and straightened to open the wardrobe. If we were still in France we would have woken up together and made love as the sun came into the room. I rolled to the side of the bed awkwardly and pushed myself up.
‘What are you doing with your day off?’ He looked faintly jealous.
‘Meeting Megan for coffee, Mrs Philips after that –’ I stopped. Alice had appeared and was standing inside the door, watching us. Zoë followed, pushed past her, held up her face for her morning kiss and ran out of the door again. I heard Sofia calling the girls to breakfast but Alice lingered.
‘Hello, sweetheart.’ She must have overheard her
teacher’s name. ‘Mrs Philips is going to give me your work for Africa today.’
‘What happens if I get stuck on something when we’re out there?’ Her voice trembled. ‘When we come back I’ll be way behind the others.’
‘You’ll be fine, Ally, but if you’re worried we can always get a tutor. What do you think?’
She nodded and disappeared.
‘That’s a great idea, Em.’ Adam leant into the bedroom mirror, baring his teeth rapidly to check he’d brushed them properly. ‘Told you she just wanted reassurance. The holiday in France did the trick.’ He was whistling under his breath as he tucked his chin down, buttoning his shirt. Then he looked up. ‘So, Megan, the new best friend. I wouldn’t have thought she was your type, somehow.’
My type. Did he mean like me? I distrusted people like me: ambitious, complicated, careless. Megan exuded restful dependability.
I walked stiffly to the chair, leaning backwards, balancing the weight. I picked up my clothes, wondering if he minded. Were we competing for his secretary now? Though she was only part time, perhaps he resented our lunches or that she’d volunteered to pick up the girls on a Tuesday so I could finish my clinic without rushing.
‘I like her, Adam. She’s genuine. And kind.’ I watched his face. ‘Is it a problem?’
‘Not to me. She loves being involved.’ He put his arm round me, smiling. ‘We really don’t have to fight over Megan.’ Then he patted my abdomen. ‘He’s getting huge.’
He? This was a girl, I was convinced. A tiny girl who moved in exactly the same way as Alice had; I
I bent forward to touch my lips lightly to his hair, feeling the strands of wiry grey distinct from the black softness. Then I pulled off my clothes, throwing them towards the chair where Adam had left his carefully folded trousers. Some landed on the floor, the rest on top of his. He’d notice and mind. Marriage and even children had made no difference: lapped by disorder, his orderliness had become entrenched. The dull morning light picked out the spine of a large book on his bedside table:
The Encyclopedia of Wildlife in Southern Africa.
He’d probably made notes.
Lifting the duvet carefully, I slid close, turning and stretching until my back was pressed up against his warm length. My limbs seemed to melt in the heat. The baby gave a little flurry of kicks high under my ribcage. Adam, still sleeping, moved closer, slipping a hand around me. I’d taken the following day off, I could relax, but a list flickered in front
of my eyes even as the dark edges of sleep began to close around me. Coffee with Megan, a meeting with Mrs Philips, collect up the research papers to print off in case the Internet wasn’t reliable in Botswana …
Surfacing into a bright morning, I saw Adam’s face above mine. Side-lit by a narrow beam of early sun, the deep creases between his eyebrows were shadowed and faint traces of a flaking rash edged his hair.
‘What happened last night that your registrar couldn’t handle?’ He bent to kiss me, his mouth tasting of toothpaste and coffee.
‘Undiagnosed primip breech. Francesca panicked.’
Adam nodded and straightened to open the wardrobe. If we were still in France we would have woken up together and made love as the sun came into the room. I rolled to the side of the bed awkwardly and pushed myself up.
‘What are you doing with your day off?’ He looked faintly jealous.
‘Meeting Megan for coffee, Mrs Philips after that –’ I stopped. Alice had appeared and was standing inside the door, watching us. Zoë followed, pushed past her, held up her face for her morning kiss and ran out of the door again. I heard Sofia calling the girls to breakfast but Alice lingered.
‘Hello, sweetheart.’ She must have overheard her
teacher’s name. ‘Mrs Philips is going to give me your work for Africa today.’
‘What happens if I get stuck on something when we’re out there?’ Her voice trembled. ‘When we come back I’ll be way behind the others.’
‘You’ll be fine, Ally, but if you’re worried we can always get a tutor. What do you think?’
She nodded and disappeared.
‘That’s a great idea, Em.’ Adam leant into the bedroom mirror, baring his teeth rapidly to check he’d brushed them properly. ‘Told you she just wanted reassurance. The holiday in France did the trick.’ He was whistling under his breath as he tucked his chin down, buttoning his shirt. Then he looked up. ‘So, Megan, the new best friend. I wouldn’t have thought she was your type, somehow.’
My type. Did he mean like me? I distrusted people like me: ambitious, complicated, careless. Megan exuded restful dependability.
I walked stiffly to the chair, leaning backwards, balancing the weight. I picked up my clothes, wondering if he minded. Were we competing for his secretary now? Though she was only part time, perhaps he resented our lunches or that she’d volunteered to pick up the girls on a Tuesday so I could finish my clinic without rushing.
‘I like her, Adam. She’s genuine. And kind.’ I watched his face. ‘Is it a problem?’
‘Not to me. She loves being involved.’ He put his arm round me, smiling. ‘We really don’t have to fight over Megan.’ Then he patted my abdomen. ‘He’s getting huge.’
He? This was a girl, I was convinced. A tiny girl who moved in exactly the same way as Alice had; I
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