hand, a coffee cup in her left, when an image of Edward Shapiro’s shoulders and chest shuddered through her. The plate tipped and a sausage rolled to the floor. Lily ducked behind the counter, picked up the little wiener and plopped it back on the plate. It looked fine. She set the plate in front of Elmer Esterby.
Lily was pouring coffee for Mr. Berman of Berman’s Apparel and still thinking about the man in his bed across the street when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She didn’t turn to see who it was until she had finished pouring. It was Hank. His face looked heavy and tired. Lily supposed he hadn’t slept after his shift but had come straight to the cafe. He spoke to her in a low, tense voice. “We had a date last night, remember? To see each other after your rehearsal and before I went to work. I called and called. Where the hell were you?”
She didn’t answer him. She looked into his face for a couple of seconds, then turned away. Hank was holding her right arm, then he grabbed her left arm and squeezed. Lily knew he wanted her attention, wanted her to look at him, to be sorry, but she wasn’t, and his tight grip on her made her feel stubborn, then indifferent. In response to his grip, she could feel herself go limp. I don’t care, she thought. Her head bobbed forward and her spine collapsed.
“What the fuck?” Hank muttered.
He clutched her upper arms harder to hold her up. If he let go, she knew she would fall. I don’t care, she thought again, and looked up at him with a dead expression. She knew what he saw when he looked at her: the face of an unruly schoolgirl who goes blank when scolded, and it gave her a sensation of defiant pleasure. I’m bad, she said to herself, and with that thought she smiled. Before she knew what she was doing, she was smiling like an idiot into Hank’s outraged face. He started to shake her. Lily’s head flew backward, then whipped forward again. She lost her footing and stumbled forward into Hank, who continued to shake her. His fury amazed Lily, and she heard herself cry out in surprise.
Mr. Berman stood up. “That’s quite enough, Hank,” he said.
The paternal command worked like magic. Hank’s hands flew off Lily. She scrambled to regain her footing, stood up and watched him glance at his raised hands as he turned to the door. His cheeks looked shiny, and Lily bit her lip. On the sidewalk Hank broke into a run before the screen door slammed behind him. The noise felt like a signal that the drama was over. Lily heard muttering, felt people staring at her and took a deep breath.
“Are you all right, Lily?” Mr. Berman said.
She avoided his gaze. “I’m fine.” She shrugged. Her cheeks and forehead burned. She pulled her order pad out of her pocket and pretended to read it.
Bert walked up to Lily and put her arm around her. “Holy shit! What’s his problem? I thought you were going to come sailing over the baked goods any second!”
Lily talked to Bert’s feet. “Forget about it. He was pushed.”
Bert angled her head downward to meet Lily’s eyes. Lily lifted her head, looked at her friend and chewed her lip.
“Listen to me, Lil’. Even if you said you were going to hack off his dick, chop it up in little pieces and eat it for supper, he doesn’t have the right to lay a hand on you. That’s the law. Got it?”
Bert uttered these words in a voice so musical and tender, Lily had to smile.
“Just so we understand each other,” Bert said. She moved her arm in feigned slow motion and pushed a fist gently into Lily’s shoulder.
Thoughts of Hank came and went during the remainder of Lily’s shift. She remembered how old he had seemed in high school, a senior when she was a freshman, and how all the girls had wanted him, and then when he came home from the university last year and she saw him at Rick’s in his letter jacket, and he had asked her to dance, what had she felt, exactly? Flattered, she thought, and safe—after Peter. Peter was
Lily was pouring coffee for Mr. Berman of Berman’s Apparel and still thinking about the man in his bed across the street when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She didn’t turn to see who it was until she had finished pouring. It was Hank. His face looked heavy and tired. Lily supposed he hadn’t slept after his shift but had come straight to the cafe. He spoke to her in a low, tense voice. “We had a date last night, remember? To see each other after your rehearsal and before I went to work. I called and called. Where the hell were you?”
She didn’t answer him. She looked into his face for a couple of seconds, then turned away. Hank was holding her right arm, then he grabbed her left arm and squeezed. Lily knew he wanted her attention, wanted her to look at him, to be sorry, but she wasn’t, and his tight grip on her made her feel stubborn, then indifferent. In response to his grip, she could feel herself go limp. I don’t care, she thought. Her head bobbed forward and her spine collapsed.
“What the fuck?” Hank muttered.
He clutched her upper arms harder to hold her up. If he let go, she knew she would fall. I don’t care, she thought again, and looked up at him with a dead expression. She knew what he saw when he looked at her: the face of an unruly schoolgirl who goes blank when scolded, and it gave her a sensation of defiant pleasure. I’m bad, she said to herself, and with that thought she smiled. Before she knew what she was doing, she was smiling like an idiot into Hank’s outraged face. He started to shake her. Lily’s head flew backward, then whipped forward again. She lost her footing and stumbled forward into Hank, who continued to shake her. His fury amazed Lily, and she heard herself cry out in surprise.
Mr. Berman stood up. “That’s quite enough, Hank,” he said.
The paternal command worked like magic. Hank’s hands flew off Lily. She scrambled to regain her footing, stood up and watched him glance at his raised hands as he turned to the door. His cheeks looked shiny, and Lily bit her lip. On the sidewalk Hank broke into a run before the screen door slammed behind him. The noise felt like a signal that the drama was over. Lily heard muttering, felt people staring at her and took a deep breath.
“Are you all right, Lily?” Mr. Berman said.
She avoided his gaze. “I’m fine.” She shrugged. Her cheeks and forehead burned. She pulled her order pad out of her pocket and pretended to read it.
Bert walked up to Lily and put her arm around her. “Holy shit! What’s his problem? I thought you were going to come sailing over the baked goods any second!”
Lily talked to Bert’s feet. “Forget about it. He was pushed.”
Bert angled her head downward to meet Lily’s eyes. Lily lifted her head, looked at her friend and chewed her lip.
“Listen to me, Lil’. Even if you said you were going to hack off his dick, chop it up in little pieces and eat it for supper, he doesn’t have the right to lay a hand on you. That’s the law. Got it?”
Bert uttered these words in a voice so musical and tender, Lily had to smile.
“Just so we understand each other,” Bert said. She moved her arm in feigned slow motion and pushed a fist gently into Lily’s shoulder.
Thoughts of Hank came and went during the remainder of Lily’s shift. She remembered how old he had seemed in high school, a senior when she was a freshman, and how all the girls had wanted him, and then when he came home from the university last year and she saw him at Rick’s in his letter jacket, and he had asked her to dance, what had she felt, exactly? Flattered, she thought, and safe—after Peter. Peter was
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