The Encyclopedia of Me by Karen Rivers Page A

things like “STRIVE” and “EXCEL,” which are regularly vandalized by disenchanted students in ways that make no sense. For example, someone wrote “
OW
” over the “EL” at the end of “EXCEL,” so now it says “EXCOW.” Hilair! But not really.
    The only difference between Cortez and other similarly depressing places is that, like I’ve mentioned, it is a school for “gifted” children. We have been “gifted” with the chance to attend Cortez Junior, which is the kind of gift you would like to return to the store to exchange for an iPod, only to find out that the gift is handmade and can’t be returned.
    We do not wear uniforms at Cortez, but we do have jackets that we have to wear to team events. The jackets are an unhealthy shade of purple and have the crest of the school on the back. Under the crest, it says CORTEZ SCHOOL , then under that it has FINDING EXCELLENCE: COGITO ERGO SUM . 47 However, due to a horrible design flaw, after a few washes the small letters fade away, leaving the wearer with a jacket that says — I couldn’t make this up if I tried — CORTEZ SCHOOL, F E C E S . 48
    Cortez is a series of small, randomly colored buildings that, from the street, looks like a rainbow that has been stepped on by a giant. Last year, I was in the green building — Cortez Elementary (CE) — and this year I will be in the yellow building — Cortez Junior (CJ). Eventually, I guess I will be in the orange bulding, Cortez Senior (CS). Is that something to look forward to? I am undecided. The orange building IS the newest, so I suppose it will be the best.
    It’s going to be very strange to be the youngest kids in the building again, after being the oldest last year. Freddie Blue says this is a good thing because there will be older, more interesting, and much cuter boys there. I’m not the least bit intimidated by the hugeness of CJ because I know that me and FB will be going together, so everything will be an adventure. A super-awesome, fun adventure.
    I just know it.
    See also
Anderson, Freddie Blue; BFF; Bullies.
Couch, Itchy

    This is not my couch. Those are not my brother’s feet. (But it is exactly what my brother WOULD have done if I’d tried to take a picture of the ACTUAL couch for your viewing pleasure: SHOW OFF.) Like the rest of the pictures in this book, I “borrowed” this one from the Internet, because REAL encyclopedias all have useful illustrations. If this picture was a scratch and sniff, it would smell exactly as awful as my brother’s feet, and you would be forced to burn the book and endure a nasal cleansing ritual involving ­lemons and boiling water in order to survive.
Crush List
    List of boys who we have crushes on, but unlike the Boys We Wouldn’t Touch With a Ten-Foot Pole List, for some misguided reason this one
is
actually written down.
    Freddie Blue currently has seven boys on her Crush List.
Seven
. However, her list is also full of crossings-out and arrows and add-ons, which does detract slightly from the prettiness of the page. It includes a bunch of older boys who don’t know she exists, as well as the likes of Wex Stromson-Funk. (“What?” she said. “Why are you all mad and rolling your eyes? He’s mean as a pit viper, but he’s cute. That’s all I mean by it.”) At one point, Jedgar Johnston was even on her list, even though now she says that she was kidding when she wrote it and that his association with Ruth Quayle makes him the least pops boy in school.
    Freddie Blue’s list has recently been updated in capital letters at the top with the name “KAI.” Not the worst, as in the worst choice. But the worst, as in the worst for me. When I saw his name there, my heart stuttered and then stopped entirely. She saw me looking and she said, “Whaaaaaaat, you don’t like him, do you?” 49
    â€œNo!” I said.