The Everything Box by Richard Kadrey

personal insult that he acquired it by criminal means.”
    â€œWhich is why you’re hiring a couple of crooks to take it back,” said Coop.
    â€œExactly.”
    â€œWhat is it?” said Morty.
    â€œA box.”
    â€œA big box?” said Coop.
    â€œNot especially.”
    â€œWhat’s in it?”
    Mr. Babylon sat back. “I don’t think there’s any reason for you to know that.”
    â€œI mean, is it dynamite and it’s going to blow us up? Is it gold and we’re going to need a crane to move it?”
    â€œNo, nothing like that. It doesn’t weigh more than a pound or two.”
    â€œAnd it’s not going to explode?”
    â€œIn all its long life it hasn’t once.”
    â€œThat’s good enough for us,” said Morty.
    â€œNot quite,” said Coop. “What kind of curses are on the box? I have to think that a man like you could buy anything from anybody or bribe someone in your competitor’s organization to steal it for you. What’s wrong with the box?”
    Mr. Babylon shook his head.
    â€œThere’s no curse, spell, or plague on the box at all. But there is just one thing.”
    â€œWhat’s that?”
    Mr. Babylon jammed a chubby finger into his leg as he talked.
    â€œUnder no circumstances are you to open it. It’s closed with a wax seal. If it’s broken, the deal is off.”
    Coop and Morty frowned.
    â€œWhat? Is it radioactive?” said Morty.
    â€œYeah. I’m not too keen on shoving a brick of plutonium in my pocket,” said Coop.
    â€œIt’s nothing for you to worry about,” said Mr. Babylon. “Just make sure the box remains closed.”
    Coop sat and stared at his drink. He didn’t like anything about the setup. In his mind, he went over the obvious dangers of the job versus his options. It didn’t take long. Even with a thousand dollars in his pocket, his list of options was very short.
    He said, “How much does the job pay?”
    â€œTwo hundred thousand.”
    â€œAnd another hundred thousand if we do it before the new moon.”
    Mr. Babylon nodded and said, “I can make it more if that would help.”
    â€œReally?” said Morty.
    â€œThat’s all right,” said Coop. “We’re not greedy. You offered a hundred and we’ll take it.”
    â€œWonderful. Honest men indeed.”
    Coop drained the bourbon and set the glass down on a coffee table. “The new moon is only three days off, so we’re going to have to work fast. We’ll need information. Blueprints. Layouts of spells and wards. Regular security and the hocus-pocus kind. Probably some equipment, too.”
    â€œNaturally, I’m willing to pay your expenses, as long as they’re reasonable,” said Mr. Babylon.
    â€œReasonable. Of course,” said Morty.
    Mr. Babylon reached around and took a green folder off a table behind him. He held it out for Coop. After his last encounter with a green folder he wasn’t thrilled to take it. But he did.
    â€œHere’s some of what you asked for,” said Mr. Babylon. “Plans, listsof employees, the sorts of enchantments my competitor is partial to, those sort of things. If you need more let me know.”
    There was a knock at the door. Morty jumped. Mr. Babylon got up and let in the waiter, who rolled in a room service cart.
    â€œThey’re fast with the food around here,” said Coop.
    Mr. Babylon glanced at him as he signed for the steak. “They are for me.”
    The waiter put the signed receipt in his pocket and went to get the first tray. When he saw the remains of the steak, he took a step back and carefully used a napkin to put the silver serving dome back over the melted meat. Mr. Babylon graciously held the door open for him as he pushed the cart out with his fingertips.
    â€œI think that’s it for now, gentlemen,” he said. “I didn’t get to sample my