smaller, darker potato on his shoulder wobbling a bit. ‘Been in a few jams myself,
just like this one you find yourself in today. Now, are we in agreement that you need to get out of here before the clock
strikes twelve fifty-five and all the boys and girls come back inside?’
‘Yeah.’
‘And we understand now that a taxi cab, while a nice idea for someone in a pinch, isn’t going to do jack-squat for you?’
‘I know. It was a stupid idea.’
‘Not at all. In fact, you got it half right! The taxi is a no-go, but the money. The
money
, Noel. That was brilliant. Long green is my specialty, see? Money won’t fix everything, at least not today, but you would
be surprised at the things money can buy once you’re all grown up out there in the world. Money is always nice. So, grab what
you can and let’s hit the fuckin’ bricks.’
Noel turned back for the money but, as before, his hand stopped a few inches above the bills and he felt a quiver of sickness
inside.
‘What’s the matter? Don’t you want it?’
‘But if I can’t take a taxi … or check into a hotel or go to the arcade, what do I need it for? Why do I have to take it?’
Mr Sobretti chuckled. ‘My friend, you don’t have to take a friggin’ thing. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to
do,
capiche
?’
Relieved, he began to shuffle away from the closet.
‘Hold your horses, shortstack.’ Mr Sobretti leaned forward in the chair. ‘I am afraid you’re looking at this situation the
wrong way.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘I mean, just because you can’t do anything with the money now, while you are hidden away from the rest of the world in your
special bubble – excuse me, inside your special powers – that doesn’t mean you won’t be able to use it later, does it?’
Noel blinked a few times.
‘Think of it this way,’ Mr Sobretti said, and shot out from his chair until he was standing at the edge of the desk just a
few feet away. It wasn’t a Mr Potato Head. It was part of his broken head and it made Noel look down in shame and revulsion.
‘The things you are able to do with your powers can make your life so much the better when you
don’t
have your powers. Today’s money, which is really just some extra change from the bottom of a few purses, doled out by impatient
mothers for children who chew too many pencils, could be tomorrow’s new Nerf football. After all, they—’ and here Mr Sobretti
jerked his thumb toward the windows, beyond which was theplayground, ‘—took your football away and your mother might be, excuse me, A BIT FUCKIN’ PEEVED IF YOU DON’T REPLACE IT! Now,
am I right or am I white?’
She stole it in the first place, Noel thought but did not say. From my dad’s store.
‘But who needs a Nerf football? What if some day, some day in the very near future, you need a new bike? What if you want
a new pair of hi-tops, like Dean Boettcher has? Wouldn’t it be nice to go to the movies anytime you wanted? And candy bars
and sodas from the 7-Eleven on the way home from school? What if when you grow up you turn out to be an ugly old greaseball
like Poppa S and the girls, they don’t like you so much, see, and maybe you wanna go out and get yourself a real nice hoor?
No? Okay, look. It doesn’t matter what you decide to do with the coin. My point is that winter is coming and you are still
a young squirrel. If you don’t start saving some acorns for when the weather turns nasty – and it
is
going to turn nasty, I assure you, Noel, because our secret can’t and won’t stay a secret forever – you might find yourself
shut out in the cold. Alone. Starving down to your ribs and veins. With no mom and no dad and no friends to help you. When
that happens, you will look back on today, on this moment, and you will be very sorry you didn’t prepare yourself.’
Noel was too frightened by this vision of the future to speak. He wanted to say no, no,
just like this one you find yourself in today. Now, are we in agreement that you need to get out of here before the clock
strikes twelve fifty-five and all the boys and girls come back inside?’
‘Yeah.’
‘And we understand now that a taxi cab, while a nice idea for someone in a pinch, isn’t going to do jack-squat for you?’
‘I know. It was a stupid idea.’
‘Not at all. In fact, you got it half right! The taxi is a no-go, but the money. The
money
, Noel. That was brilliant. Long green is my specialty, see? Money won’t fix everything, at least not today, but you would
be surprised at the things money can buy once you’re all grown up out there in the world. Money is always nice. So, grab what
you can and let’s hit the fuckin’ bricks.’
Noel turned back for the money but, as before, his hand stopped a few inches above the bills and he felt a quiver of sickness
inside.
‘What’s the matter? Don’t you want it?’
‘But if I can’t take a taxi … or check into a hotel or go to the arcade, what do I need it for? Why do I have to take it?’
Mr Sobretti chuckled. ‘My friend, you don’t have to take a friggin’ thing. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to
do,
capiche
?’
Relieved, he began to shuffle away from the closet.
‘Hold your horses, shortstack.’ Mr Sobretti leaned forward in the chair. ‘I am afraid you’re looking at this situation the
wrong way.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘I mean, just because you can’t do anything with the money now, while you are hidden away from the rest of the world in your
special bubble – excuse me, inside your special powers – that doesn’t mean you won’t be able to use it later, does it?’
Noel blinked a few times.
‘Think of it this way,’ Mr Sobretti said, and shot out from his chair until he was standing at the edge of the desk just a
few feet away. It wasn’t a Mr Potato Head. It was part of his broken head and it made Noel look down in shame and revulsion.
‘The things you are able to do with your powers can make your life so much the better when you
don’t
have your powers. Today’s money, which is really just some extra change from the bottom of a few purses, doled out by impatient
mothers for children who chew too many pencils, could be tomorrow’s new Nerf football. After all, they—’ and here Mr Sobretti
jerked his thumb toward the windows, beyond which was theplayground, ‘—took your football away and your mother might be, excuse me, A BIT FUCKIN’ PEEVED IF YOU DON’T REPLACE IT! Now,
am I right or am I white?’
She stole it in the first place, Noel thought but did not say. From my dad’s store.
‘But who needs a Nerf football? What if some day, some day in the very near future, you need a new bike? What if you want
a new pair of hi-tops, like Dean Boettcher has? Wouldn’t it be nice to go to the movies anytime you wanted? And candy bars
and sodas from the 7-Eleven on the way home from school? What if when you grow up you turn out to be an ugly old greaseball
like Poppa S and the girls, they don’t like you so much, see, and maybe you wanna go out and get yourself a real nice hoor?
No? Okay, look. It doesn’t matter what you decide to do with the coin. My point is that winter is coming and you are still
a young squirrel. If you don’t start saving some acorns for when the weather turns nasty – and it
is
going to turn nasty, I assure you, Noel, because our secret can’t and won’t stay a secret forever – you might find yourself
shut out in the cold. Alone. Starving down to your ribs and veins. With no mom and no dad and no friends to help you. When
that happens, you will look back on today, on this moment, and you will be very sorry you didn’t prepare yourself.’
Noel was too frightened by this vision of the future to speak. He wanted to say no, no,
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