The Field by John B. Keane

pigs and feed cattle?
    Tadhg: She knows more about them than myself.
    Bull: If she does, she knows a lot.
    Tadhg: She’s a man by day but she’s a woman at night.
    Bull: And an only daughter into the bargain.
    Tadhg: There’s nine acres o’ land.
    Bull: I know there’s nine. A good nine. Good man yourself. I reared you well. Did you question her?
    Tadhg: I’d say she’d be willing enough. I wouldn’t try to rush her, though. She’s pampered and headstrong.
    Bull: That will be knocked out of her.
    Tadhg: Sometimes, I drops a hint and she doesn’t seem unwilling to listen.
    Bull: Nine acres o’ land! Think of it! Keep your napper screwed on and we’ll be important people yet, important people, boy!
    Tadhg: Why do you think I’m chasing her?
    Bull: What’s that?
    [He pulls Tadhg back into the shadows at left. Two girl cyclists pass, yahooing and giggling]
    Girl 1: Come quickly, Bridie, I’ll race you.
    Girl 2: Ah, what’s your hurry.
    Tadhg: [Crosses back into the light] That’s only a couple o’ young ones on bicycles comin’ home from the picture in Carraigthomond. Calm yourself, Da. You’re very jittery.
    Bull: ’Tis cold. I’m used to the bed at this hour.
    Tadhg: If he’s to come, he’ll come.
    Bull: If he doesn’t come in ten minutes I’m givin’ it over. All we’ll get here is pneumonia … Whist! … that’s surely somebody now …
    [They both listen]
    Tadhg: You’re right and, whoever it is, he’s in a hurry … Stay cool now! Stay cool!
    [They both withdraw into darkness as steps grow louder. Tadhg takes a cap from his pocket and quickly draws it fully over his head. As the approaching party draws nearer, whistling can be heard. Enter the Bird, out of breath and whistling. He looks around and walks from one end of the stage to the other, calling]
    Bird: Bull? … Tadhg? … Any of you there? Bull, ’tis me, the Bird … Tadhg.
    [There is no answer and the Bird is uncomfortable]
    Bird: Ah, lads, if you’re there, don’t be codding me. Come on out. I’m after runnin’ from Carraigthomond with a bad heart …
    [He turns away despondently. At this the Bull and Tadhg leap out from their hiding places, shouting and leaping, so that the Bird rushes from one to another terror-stricken and is forced to sit down. Bull and Tadhg laugh uproariously]
    Bird: Ye nearly put me off in a weakness. My heart is flutterin’ like the engine of a motor-bike.
    Bull: That’s a terrible pity, Tadhg, isn’t it? Bird, if I thought you were a drinkin’ man I’d run myself to Carraigthomond to get a glass of brandy for you.
    Bird: All right, then … be funny … and I’ll keep my mouth shut … about what I know.
    [Bull suddenly seizes Bird by the throat and lifts him to his feet]
    Bull: What do you know, ferret? Spit it out or ’twill be spat for you! [Releasing him] Come on! Out with it!
    Bird: He was in Flanagan’s for a drink. I was at the counter talking to Maimie. He said he was going to his lodgings for his coat to have a look at the field.
    Bull: So he won’t heed my warning.
    Bird: Oh, this is the field he fancies all right. It’s like love at first sight. Like fallin’ for a woman.
    Bull: [Impatiently] Did you see him?
    Bird: He was on the road behind me. That’s why I ran. Don’t forget who tipped you off, Bull.
    Bull: Be sure we won’t.
    [The Bird disappears into the darkness]
    Tadhg: Listen. [He listens] It’s bound to be him.
    Bull: Who else could it be! … Pull back … He’s comin’ near.
    [Bull and Tadhg withdraw into the shadows. Enter William. He wears a light raincoat.
    Hearing a sound, he stiffens and looks about him suspiciously. Bull emerges from the shadows]
    Bull: Turn around and go home!
    William: Who the hell do you think you are? I have as much right to be here as