head and closed her eyes. She should have dated more men, and for fuck sure, more women. She’d had seven years to reason with that tiny voice in the back of her mind that told her she was craving more than what any guy had yet to give her, but Jeff was sweet and easy. And she’d agreed to spend the rest of her life with him.
Oh God. Fat tears rushed faster down her face. She’d become that idiot girl, the one who waits till the last possible moment to try to get to know herself. Talk about selfish.
Annie needed to sort through these feelings. She ached for Oksana’s touch, shivered still every time she thought of the caresses they shared or the way Oksana’s fingers felt inside her pussy, but would she react to another woman the same way?
There was only one way to find out.
Jeff had taken his month, and now she would use the remaining time she had to herself. She’d have to test all theories. Hurting Jeff was the last thing she wanted to do, but she wanted to strap on her garter and walk into a false marriage even less.
No. She loved Jeff and she was going to marry him, but she had to know exactly what she felt and why so she could be honest in her marriage, not some confused mess. She had to be sure—
“Holy shit!” Annie gasped. A knock on her window scared the rest of the thought from her mind. It was Esther, her production coordinator. She frowned at Annie with blatant concern and motioned for her to roll her window down. Annie pressed the button and used that whole second to wipe her face again even though it was pointless. Esther had already seen the tears.
“Hey.” Annie swallowed.
“Are you okay?” Esther squatted so she was looking up at Annie.
“Yeah. Sorry. Just…”
“Is it Jeff?” Esther’s gasp was pretty impressive.
Annie’s laugh forced out a few more tears. “No, it’s not Jeff.” It was much, much worse.
“You want to talk about it?” Esther was good listener and a pretty good friend, but what was Annie supposed to tell her? Confessing feelings about your trainer when you were supposed to be very focused on your future with someone else fell right into the “Problems with Jeff” box of issues.
“Actually. Not really. Sorry. It’s not a talking about it will make it better kind of situation.”
“Well, here.” Esther handed Annie a tissue. “Pace told me they got some awesome footage last night.” Another reason Annie didn’t want to open up to Esther. She was dating one of the camera guys. She loved her crew, but they really didn’t need to know about her screwed up love life. Correction, her screwed up sex life. This had nothing to do with love.
Annie wiped her eyes again, trying to get herself together.
Esther rubbed her shoulder and smiled hopefully. “Meta fell off the go-go booth at The Maypole and the guys got the whole thing on tape. You wanna see?”
Annie laughed for real this time, but still felt a twinge of pain. She usually checked on the night crews, but she’d been so unreasonably upset about Oksana’s final text she’d forgotten. She had to go in eventually, and having Esther as a physical buffer might be a good idea.
“Okay.” Annie sniffled and opened her door.
*
Annie followed Esther toward the commotion in the back of the office. Her camera guys were always rowdy in the morning. It didn’t matter if they didn’t get their full turnaround or not. Between the Red Bull and cigarettes, and surely a few grams of coke here and there, they were always amped and ready to go.
Just as she found them most mornings, Justin and Johnny Dangerous, as they liked to call him, were prepping A and B cam respectively. Brad, their sound guy, was casually checking his battery packs, but unlike normal mornings where Pace was busy running around like a nut making sure his guys had everything loaded into their vans, he was cuing something up on the monitor.
Ryan, the other camera operator, turned as they entered the room. “Annie, you have to
Oh God. Fat tears rushed faster down her face. She’d become that idiot girl, the one who waits till the last possible moment to try to get to know herself. Talk about selfish.
Annie needed to sort through these feelings. She ached for Oksana’s touch, shivered still every time she thought of the caresses they shared or the way Oksana’s fingers felt inside her pussy, but would she react to another woman the same way?
There was only one way to find out.
Jeff had taken his month, and now she would use the remaining time she had to herself. She’d have to test all theories. Hurting Jeff was the last thing she wanted to do, but she wanted to strap on her garter and walk into a false marriage even less.
No. She loved Jeff and she was going to marry him, but she had to know exactly what she felt and why so she could be honest in her marriage, not some confused mess. She had to be sure—
“Holy shit!” Annie gasped. A knock on her window scared the rest of the thought from her mind. It was Esther, her production coordinator. She frowned at Annie with blatant concern and motioned for her to roll her window down. Annie pressed the button and used that whole second to wipe her face again even though it was pointless. Esther had already seen the tears.
“Hey.” Annie swallowed.
“Are you okay?” Esther squatted so she was looking up at Annie.
“Yeah. Sorry. Just…”
“Is it Jeff?” Esther’s gasp was pretty impressive.
Annie’s laugh forced out a few more tears. “No, it’s not Jeff.” It was much, much worse.
“You want to talk about it?” Esther was good listener and a pretty good friend, but what was Annie supposed to tell her? Confessing feelings about your trainer when you were supposed to be very focused on your future with someone else fell right into the “Problems with Jeff” box of issues.
“Actually. Not really. Sorry. It’s not a talking about it will make it better kind of situation.”
“Well, here.” Esther handed Annie a tissue. “Pace told me they got some awesome footage last night.” Another reason Annie didn’t want to open up to Esther. She was dating one of the camera guys. She loved her crew, but they really didn’t need to know about her screwed up love life. Correction, her screwed up sex life. This had nothing to do with love.
Annie wiped her eyes again, trying to get herself together.
Esther rubbed her shoulder and smiled hopefully. “Meta fell off the go-go booth at The Maypole and the guys got the whole thing on tape. You wanna see?”
Annie laughed for real this time, but still felt a twinge of pain. She usually checked on the night crews, but she’d been so unreasonably upset about Oksana’s final text she’d forgotten. She had to go in eventually, and having Esther as a physical buffer might be a good idea.
“Okay.” Annie sniffled and opened her door.
*
Annie followed Esther toward the commotion in the back of the office. Her camera guys were always rowdy in the morning. It didn’t matter if they didn’t get their full turnaround or not. Between the Red Bull and cigarettes, and surely a few grams of coke here and there, they were always amped and ready to go.
Just as she found them most mornings, Justin and Johnny Dangerous, as they liked to call him, were prepping A and B cam respectively. Brad, their sound guy, was casually checking his battery packs, but unlike normal mornings where Pace was busy running around like a nut making sure his guys had everything loaded into their vans, he was cuing something up on the monitor.
Ryan, the other camera operator, turned as they entered the room. “Annie, you have to
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