pain of
living with who I am. I want to feel, I want to be happy, I want to feel
beautiful but all I feel is empty, broken, damaged. It will be so easy to let
go and float away into the current, into a new life, a new start, a new me.
SEVENTEEN
Blaydon
Fear, undiluted, soul numbing fear is what I feel reading
her note.
I want to run over to her because she’s three foot closer
to the bridge barrier than I am. I felt sorrow like I’d never known when we
lost Quinn but the feeling swamping me now is so intense it almost stops my
heart.
“Soph,” I croak, stretching my hands out to her. “Come
over here,” I beg.
“Blay,” she breathes, rushing to me and clouding me with
everything she is. “It’s okay, it’s old…it’s an old piece of me.”
I inhale her scent as my arms keep her locked against me.
“I wanted to show you that part of me, how low I got.”
“I wouldn’t be able to live if you did anything to
yourself,” I tell her.
Pulling back from me, she sniffs the emotion away. “I
come here and write, think, and sometimes I did look over the bridge edge and think
about jumping. I couldn’t escape my own taunts and I kept it all to myself in
fear that no one would understand and just think I was dramatic.”
“Are you thinking about harming yourself now?” I have to
know.
“No, I can’t explain the difference I feel already with
the help I’m getting. I still have days where I’m grieving Quinn but it’s not
suffocating me. I can breathe for the first time in years.”
I kick at some dirt on the floor and think about how
different but how similar her and Quinn were. Their strength was remarkable.
“Do you know that I love you?” I ask her.
She shrugs her shoulders and half smiles at me. “I hear
you say it and feel it in your touch, I want to tell you I love you too…but I
feel guilt for loving you.”
“Me and Quinn were not like how we are Soph, he knew that
I couldn’t be that for him and he was okay with it.”
Her mouth pops open. “Really?”
I reach for her again taking her hands in mine and
stroking my fingertips over hers. “Do you know that Quinn was an incredible
person, but you are too. How amazing he was never took away your shine. You’re
beautiful, unique and talented. One of the things I love about you most if this
right here.” I stroke the pad of my finger over the pad of hers. Her brow
furrows and her eyes penetrate mine. “Your fingerprint, because it’s yours and
no one else in the entire world has this, it’s just you.” I bring her hand up
to my lips and gently kiss over her fingers.
“We don’t have to rush this. We can take it as slow as
you need to. We can speed up when you need us to and then slow down on days
where you need space and time. I love you and that feeling is never going
anywhere. All I want is you to be happy, healthy and feel as loved as you are.”
Her lips crash against mine and I sigh into her mouth. We
were going to be okay. After everything we’d been through to get here, we were
here, stronger than before. We could get through anything together, and Quinn
will always be here in us both, sharing a part of us that we could cherish.
EIGHTEEN
Mya
I’m so torn. I can’t tell Adam what I know, but in the
same breath can I allow him to go on thinking he’s about to become a father? Is
it my place to tell him or is it selfish of me? Damn, I hate this. I hate that
I love him and he doesn’t even see me, not truly.
What if I didn’t love him, would I still want to tell
him? Yes.
This isn’t just anyone’s kid though, this is DJ’s. He’s
family. This will cause a ripple through the whole family. Mikey is going to
kill him - if Adam doesn’t. Our family has been through enough. I wish DJ
wasn’t so freaking selfish and whorish with women.
Watching DJ grieve his brother was heart-breaking, and
knowing his secret but not knowing the right time to bring it up was causing me
to have a
living with who I am. I want to feel, I want to be happy, I want to feel
beautiful but all I feel is empty, broken, damaged. It will be so easy to let
go and float away into the current, into a new life, a new start, a new me.
SEVENTEEN
Blaydon
Fear, undiluted, soul numbing fear is what I feel reading
her note.
I want to run over to her because she’s three foot closer
to the bridge barrier than I am. I felt sorrow like I’d never known when we
lost Quinn but the feeling swamping me now is so intense it almost stops my
heart.
“Soph,” I croak, stretching my hands out to her. “Come
over here,” I beg.
“Blay,” she breathes, rushing to me and clouding me with
everything she is. “It’s okay, it’s old…it’s an old piece of me.”
I inhale her scent as my arms keep her locked against me.
“I wanted to show you that part of me, how low I got.”
“I wouldn’t be able to live if you did anything to
yourself,” I tell her.
Pulling back from me, she sniffs the emotion away. “I
come here and write, think, and sometimes I did look over the bridge edge and think
about jumping. I couldn’t escape my own taunts and I kept it all to myself in
fear that no one would understand and just think I was dramatic.”
“Are you thinking about harming yourself now?” I have to
know.
“No, I can’t explain the difference I feel already with
the help I’m getting. I still have days where I’m grieving Quinn but it’s not
suffocating me. I can breathe for the first time in years.”
I kick at some dirt on the floor and think about how
different but how similar her and Quinn were. Their strength was remarkable.
“Do you know that I love you?” I ask her.
She shrugs her shoulders and half smiles at me. “I hear
you say it and feel it in your touch, I want to tell you I love you too…but I
feel guilt for loving you.”
“Me and Quinn were not like how we are Soph, he knew that
I couldn’t be that for him and he was okay with it.”
Her mouth pops open. “Really?”
I reach for her again taking her hands in mine and
stroking my fingertips over hers. “Do you know that Quinn was an incredible
person, but you are too. How amazing he was never took away your shine. You’re
beautiful, unique and talented. One of the things I love about you most if this
right here.” I stroke the pad of my finger over the pad of hers. Her brow
furrows and her eyes penetrate mine. “Your fingerprint, because it’s yours and
no one else in the entire world has this, it’s just you.” I bring her hand up
to my lips and gently kiss over her fingers.
“We don’t have to rush this. We can take it as slow as
you need to. We can speed up when you need us to and then slow down on days
where you need space and time. I love you and that feeling is never going
anywhere. All I want is you to be happy, healthy and feel as loved as you are.”
Her lips crash against mine and I sigh into her mouth. We
were going to be okay. After everything we’d been through to get here, we were
here, stronger than before. We could get through anything together, and Quinn
will always be here in us both, sharing a part of us that we could cherish.
EIGHTEEN
Mya
I’m so torn. I can’t tell Adam what I know, but in the
same breath can I allow him to go on thinking he’s about to become a father? Is
it my place to tell him or is it selfish of me? Damn, I hate this. I hate that
I love him and he doesn’t even see me, not truly.
What if I didn’t love him, would I still want to tell
him? Yes.
This isn’t just anyone’s kid though, this is DJ’s. He’s
family. This will cause a ripple through the whole family. Mikey is going to
kill him - if Adam doesn’t. Our family has been through enough. I wish DJ
wasn’t so freaking selfish and whorish with women.
Watching DJ grieve his brother was heart-breaking, and
knowing his secret but not knowing the right time to bring it up was causing me
to have a
Similar Books
