as I stepped toward her, my fists clenched in anger. “Oh, I’ll be a man about it, alright. I’ll drive you to the clinic. I’ll pay for it. And then I’ll even drive you home. What do you say?”
“I’d say you’re an asshole.” She tried to push me aside, but I refused to budge.
“I am an asshole. An asshole who doesn’t want to have a baby with a complete stranger.”
“Well, it’s a little late for that, don’t you think?”
My room circled around me as the life that existed five minutes prior disappeared from view. Terror consumed me. “Don’t do this, Chrystle. Please don’t do this. Don’t ruin both our lives over a drunken mistake.”
I watched as she winced, pulling back her head with disgust. “I’m not ruining anything.”
“You’re ruining everything.” My voice rose barely above a whisper as thoughts of Cassie filled my head. Cassie was my girl, my world, and I knew she’d never trust me again. There was no way she’d ever forgive me for this. I’d never forgive myself. I didn’t deserve her, and she deserved a hell of a lot better than a screwup like me. I couldn’t believe I tossed away the best thing to ever happen to me for a piece of ass. I shouldnever have gotten that drunk. It wasn’t an excuse, but my defenses were down, and I gave in. And I fucking hated myself for it.
“I’m sorry you see it that way. Hopefully you’ll change your mind. Maybe after the shock wears off. I’ll be in touch, Jack,” she said as she walked out the door.
Fuck.
If Chrystle kept the baby, there was no way she’d move away from her family. I would have to live here, in Alabama. Or at least have a place here if I wanted to see my own kid. I could kiss California good-bye for good. I’d have to spend all of the off-season here. My body sank to the carpet, my back firm against the bed, as my world crashed down around me. I wouldn’t be like my father. I wouldn’t leave my child the same way he left me and Dean. I’d experienced firsthand how a parent willingly leaving can royally fuck up a person. I’m a prime example. I wouldn’t do that to my own flesh and blood. I wouldn’t follow in my father’s footsteps, leaving personal damage in my wake. I would be better than he ever was.
I couldn’t believe this was happening. I wished harder than I ever wished for anything that it was all a nightmare. That I’d wake up any second and my body would flood with relief at it being all in my mind. But no matter what I did, I couldn’t make it stop being real.
“This story sucks.” I sucked in a breath before frowning.
“I told you it wasn’t happy,” he said, his hand running down my side, giving me chills.
“Are we almost to last night yet?” I gazed up at him, my expression hopeful.
“Not quite.”
“I think I need another break.”
“What do you have in mind?” He winked suggestively.
My lips formed a pretend snarl as I narrowed my eyes to glare at him. “Jack, really. We
just
did that.”
Reliving our time apart was honestly a lot to take in. I longed for all this information, but to say it didn’t cause my breath to catch every few minutes would be a lie. It also scared me. If one small-town girl could be so vicious, what were big-city women capable of?
“Do you want to get out of the house for a bit? Maybe go grab a slice?” I used my newly acquired New Yorker lingo for a piece of pizza.
“I could eat,” he answered with a large grin, and I leaned in to kiss each dimple.
I pulled away slowly, the rich chocolate color of his eyes mesmerizing me, as a thought hit me. “Wait. Where are you staying? Do you have an apartment or a hotel that you need to check in to?”
Nerves raced through me as I anticipated his answer. I knew I should have been more reserved or cautious or careful, but the truth was that I wanted him to stay with me and never leave again.
“I didn’t book anything yet. I came straight here.”
Yet
. He planned to live somewhere else,
“I’d say you’re an asshole.” She tried to push me aside, but I refused to budge.
“I am an asshole. An asshole who doesn’t want to have a baby with a complete stranger.”
“Well, it’s a little late for that, don’t you think?”
My room circled around me as the life that existed five minutes prior disappeared from view. Terror consumed me. “Don’t do this, Chrystle. Please don’t do this. Don’t ruin both our lives over a drunken mistake.”
I watched as she winced, pulling back her head with disgust. “I’m not ruining anything.”
“You’re ruining everything.” My voice rose barely above a whisper as thoughts of Cassie filled my head. Cassie was my girl, my world, and I knew she’d never trust me again. There was no way she’d ever forgive me for this. I’d never forgive myself. I didn’t deserve her, and she deserved a hell of a lot better than a screwup like me. I couldn’t believe I tossed away the best thing to ever happen to me for a piece of ass. I shouldnever have gotten that drunk. It wasn’t an excuse, but my defenses were down, and I gave in. And I fucking hated myself for it.
“I’m sorry you see it that way. Hopefully you’ll change your mind. Maybe after the shock wears off. I’ll be in touch, Jack,” she said as she walked out the door.
Fuck.
If Chrystle kept the baby, there was no way she’d move away from her family. I would have to live here, in Alabama. Or at least have a place here if I wanted to see my own kid. I could kiss California good-bye for good. I’d have to spend all of the off-season here. My body sank to the carpet, my back firm against the bed, as my world crashed down around me. I wouldn’t be like my father. I wouldn’t leave my child the same way he left me and Dean. I’d experienced firsthand how a parent willingly leaving can royally fuck up a person. I’m a prime example. I wouldn’t do that to my own flesh and blood. I wouldn’t follow in my father’s footsteps, leaving personal damage in my wake. I would be better than he ever was.
I couldn’t believe this was happening. I wished harder than I ever wished for anything that it was all a nightmare. That I’d wake up any second and my body would flood with relief at it being all in my mind. But no matter what I did, I couldn’t make it stop being real.
“This story sucks.” I sucked in a breath before frowning.
“I told you it wasn’t happy,” he said, his hand running down my side, giving me chills.
“Are we almost to last night yet?” I gazed up at him, my expression hopeful.
“Not quite.”
“I think I need another break.”
“What do you have in mind?” He winked suggestively.
My lips formed a pretend snarl as I narrowed my eyes to glare at him. “Jack, really. We
just
did that.”
Reliving our time apart was honestly a lot to take in. I longed for all this information, but to say it didn’t cause my breath to catch every few minutes would be a lie. It also scared me. If one small-town girl could be so vicious, what were big-city women capable of?
“Do you want to get out of the house for a bit? Maybe go grab a slice?” I used my newly acquired New Yorker lingo for a piece of pizza.
“I could eat,” he answered with a large grin, and I leaned in to kiss each dimple.
I pulled away slowly, the rich chocolate color of his eyes mesmerizing me, as a thought hit me. “Wait. Where are you staying? Do you have an apartment or a hotel that you need to check in to?”
Nerves raced through me as I anticipated his answer. I knew I should have been more reserved or cautious or careful, but the truth was that I wanted him to stay with me and never leave again.
“I didn’t book anything yet. I came straight here.”
Yet
. He planned to live somewhere else,
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