The Gift of Hope by Pam Andrews Hanson

together after all the church services and activities are over.”
    She couldn’t read his face, and his gaze was adding to her discomfort.
    “Of course, you’re probably tired after the extra services.”
    She almost let herself retreat, backing toward the door to escape, but something in his expression encouraged her to go on.
    “I would like to have you come for Christmas dinner. You and Anna.”
    “That’s kind of you, but…” His voice trailed off, and she braced herself for a refusal.
    He stepped closer and took a deep breath. “I care about you too much to come.”
    “What do you mean?” She didn’t know how to take what he’d said.
    “I don’t think we can be casual friends, and I’m not ready to let love back into my life.”
    Hope desperately wished she hadn’t come to his office, hadn’t invited him to dinner, hadn’t fallen in love with a man who didn’t love her back. She turned to run away, but he caught her hand and prevented escape.
    “Please, that came out wrong.”
    “No, I understand exactly what you said.” She was surprised by tears welling up in her eyes and only wanted to get away from him.
    He didn’t release her hand.
    “I’m just not ready.” He sounded agonized, but it did nothing to comfort her. “I lost all hope of happiness after my wife died. Now I see you, and I’m afraid of what I feel. I can’t risk letting Anna become too attached to you. I don’t want her hurt if....”
    “I would never hurt her!”
    “Not intentionally, but she’s become resigned to having only me. I can’t raise her expectations without risking further hurt.”
    “Why are you so reserved with her if you’re really trying to be both father and mother? Don’t you know how badly she needs to be reassured, to be told you love her?” Hope was speaking as much for herself as for Anna, but she did believe what she’d said. Noah seemed aloof when he was with his daughter, even though he seemingly had no trouble reaching out to members of the congregation.
    “I love Anna. You don’t need to be concerned about my personal life.” His tone was cool and censuring.
    Hope yanked her hand away and turned to open the door. She’d been afraid he would decline her invitation, but she hadn’t imagined the hurt she felt now.
    “Please.…” he said following her into the outer office.
    “I have costumes to put away.” Without looking back, she knew he wasn’t following. She wiped an errant tear from her cheek and stood on the stairs until she could face anyone lingering in the commons area.
     
    Noah sighed with pain and retreated to his inner office, sitting for several minutes with his face in his hands, leaning on the desk while he waited for the pain to subside.
    At first he was angry. She seemed to think he was a bad parent, and it hurt. But this wasn’t about Anna.
    He’d blown any chance of becoming close to Hope, any possibility of finding happiness. For a long time, he’d convinced himself time and faith would diminish his sorrow. Now he was on the brink of rediscovering happiness, and he’d callously thrown away his opportunity.
    Would she ever forgive him? Could he forgive himself?
    “Daddy, are you ready to go home?” Anna called out as she bounded into his office.
    “Just let me get my coat,” he said automatically.
    He looked at his daughter and wondered whether Hope was right? Did he hold back his love and miss opportunities to let Anna know how important she was to him?
    “You were wonderful in the pageant,” he said.
    “Was I holding Baby Jesus right? My headdress kept slipping. Did you notice?”
    “You were perfect,” he said with deep feeling, enveloping her in a big hug. “Now let’s go home. I can almost taste the chili in the crock pot.”
    Anna’s smile was balm for his heart.

     
    CHAPTER 8
     
    Hope watched Granny Doe’s friends help her down the front porch steps, happy her grandmother was getting out of the house. The sun was shining, and an