sad.”
“Yes, it is.” I can hear that Mr. Robert wants more.
“It made me pretty uncomfortable, to tell you the truth,” I say solemnly.
“That must have been hard for you.” I can picture his face perfectly as he says this. He is frowning in his patronizing way. Maybe he is rubbing his fat chin, full of concern. He was Aaron Green’s counselor too. He probably used to say things like this to Aaron. But it was long before Aaron’s death that I had stopped trusting Mr. Robert to actually care about me. I guess overhearing his crisp, all-business approach to the disposal of my dead body had had something to do with it.
“I mean, you know me,” I say cheerfully. “I’m always trying to be attentive to people. I think that’s important, and we’ve talked about that a lot, but I don’t think it makes sense for me to be friendly with him anymore.” I sound so phony I could throw up, but mercifully Mr. Robert is obtuse. They taught us to be great liars. So what do they expect?
“I think that’s wise, Prenna.”
He says that a lot. I used to think he simply meant I was being wise. By now I know he means
If we find you talking to that man again, you will be sorry
.
After school the next day I ask Katherine to come swimming with me at the indoor pool at the Y.
On account of us being obliged to act like normal girls, and not do weird things like swim laps at the Y with our custom-made glasses on, I have taken to swimming when I want to talk honestly with Katherine. Mr. Robert must suspect what I am up to, because the last two times Katherine and I went swimming we both got reprimanded. But the real takeaway for me was that he didn’t mention any of the things Katherineand I had talked about—and I had tossed out a few highly controversial tidbits just to test the theory. We’ll get reprimanded this time for sure, and maybe even punished. Last time, Mr. Robert couldn’t come up with a convincing reason to ban swimming in a pool, but he’s probably come up with one by now. It may be the last time we are able to get away with it, but I take the risk anyway.
“I can’t stop thinking about the number,” I tell her once we’re paddling in the deep middle of the underheated pool.
Katherine nods. Without my glasses my vision is so poor that she’s not much more than shapes and colors, but I can tell her lips are a little blue. “I didn’t get it at first, but I do now,” she says carefully.
“All this time I’ve been trying to figure it out and I never thought it was a date. Now I can’t think of it any other way.”
She’s afraid to talk. I can tell. This is dangerous, and, as I said, she isn’t one hundred percent sold on my glasses theory.
So I hurry ahead. I say the thing I shouldn’t say and shouldn’t even think: “What if he’s not crazy? Or at least, not crazy about everything? What if this date is real and there is something he needs me to do?”
Katherine nods again. I know her expression without being able to see it very well. Her green-brown eyes are wide open with worry for me.
“Should I talk to him? I know I am not supposed to, but what if he contacts me again? I can’t just let this date come and go and not do anything, can I? He says our people aren’t fixing anything, just hiding. I am so afraid that is true.”
Katherine’s alarm, even blurry, is hard to ignore.
“I’m sorry,” I say. “I’ll stop. I shouldn’t involve you in it. Iaccept getting myself in trouble, but I don’t want to do it to you. I will shut up now.”
“I don’t mind. It’s just I am worried for you,” she says in barely a whisper. “That’s all. Please, please be careful.”
I paddle around in circles, trying to get warm. “I think I have to talk to him,” I say. I am terrible at shutting up.
February 12, 2011
Dear Julius,
You just can’t believe the stuff they have here. There is this place called “the mall” where they’ve kind of walled in a whole town of different
“Yes, it is.” I can hear that Mr. Robert wants more.
“It made me pretty uncomfortable, to tell you the truth,” I say solemnly.
“That must have been hard for you.” I can picture his face perfectly as he says this. He is frowning in his patronizing way. Maybe he is rubbing his fat chin, full of concern. He was Aaron Green’s counselor too. He probably used to say things like this to Aaron. But it was long before Aaron’s death that I had stopped trusting Mr. Robert to actually care about me. I guess overhearing his crisp, all-business approach to the disposal of my dead body had had something to do with it.
“I mean, you know me,” I say cheerfully. “I’m always trying to be attentive to people. I think that’s important, and we’ve talked about that a lot, but I don’t think it makes sense for me to be friendly with him anymore.” I sound so phony I could throw up, but mercifully Mr. Robert is obtuse. They taught us to be great liars. So what do they expect?
“I think that’s wise, Prenna.”
He says that a lot. I used to think he simply meant I was being wise. By now I know he means
If we find you talking to that man again, you will be sorry
.
After school the next day I ask Katherine to come swimming with me at the indoor pool at the Y.
On account of us being obliged to act like normal girls, and not do weird things like swim laps at the Y with our custom-made glasses on, I have taken to swimming when I want to talk honestly with Katherine. Mr. Robert must suspect what I am up to, because the last two times Katherine and I went swimming we both got reprimanded. But the real takeaway for me was that he didn’t mention any of the things Katherineand I had talked about—and I had tossed out a few highly controversial tidbits just to test the theory. We’ll get reprimanded this time for sure, and maybe even punished. Last time, Mr. Robert couldn’t come up with a convincing reason to ban swimming in a pool, but he’s probably come up with one by now. It may be the last time we are able to get away with it, but I take the risk anyway.
“I can’t stop thinking about the number,” I tell her once we’re paddling in the deep middle of the underheated pool.
Katherine nods. Without my glasses my vision is so poor that she’s not much more than shapes and colors, but I can tell her lips are a little blue. “I didn’t get it at first, but I do now,” she says carefully.
“All this time I’ve been trying to figure it out and I never thought it was a date. Now I can’t think of it any other way.”
She’s afraid to talk. I can tell. This is dangerous, and, as I said, she isn’t one hundred percent sold on my glasses theory.
So I hurry ahead. I say the thing I shouldn’t say and shouldn’t even think: “What if he’s not crazy? Or at least, not crazy about everything? What if this date is real and there is something he needs me to do?”
Katherine nods again. I know her expression without being able to see it very well. Her green-brown eyes are wide open with worry for me.
“Should I talk to him? I know I am not supposed to, but what if he contacts me again? I can’t just let this date come and go and not do anything, can I? He says our people aren’t fixing anything, just hiding. I am so afraid that is true.”
Katherine’s alarm, even blurry, is hard to ignore.
“I’m sorry,” I say. “I’ll stop. I shouldn’t involve you in it. Iaccept getting myself in trouble, but I don’t want to do it to you. I will shut up now.”
“I don’t mind. It’s just I am worried for you,” she says in barely a whisper. “That’s all. Please, please be careful.”
I paddle around in circles, trying to get warm. “I think I have to talk to him,” I say. I am terrible at shutting up.
February 12, 2011
Dear Julius,
You just can’t believe the stuff they have here. There is this place called “the mall” where they’ve kind of walled in a whole town of different
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