is Mama okay?”
“ She's okay, sweetie, and why don't you call me Colin today.”
“ Aren't you a doctor today?” the child asked inquisitively.
“ I'm always a doctor, but right now I'm a friend, and that's more important. And yes, Mia, you can go play,” he said, and Mia hugged him unexpectedly. Equally as unexpected was the fervor with which he returned the child's embrace. She kissed his cheek, and suddenly he had to fight back tears.
Only then did Rosario turn. “She really loves you, Doctor Thomas,” Rosario said.
Colin looked at her, and immediately understood why she had kept her face turned away. It was streaked with tears, and they continued to fall as she looked at him. “What am I going to do?” she asked desperately.
“ I don't know,” Colin whispered, and he thought he heard Rosario sigh. “I'm sorry, Rosario, let me try that again.”
“ It's okay, Doctor. I suppose I'd say the same thing. How could you know?”
“ Rosario, please call me Colin. I don't want to be Mia's doctor today, or yours. I'd like to be your friend. I don't know what I can do to help, but I know I can be your friend, and I think you need one right now, maybe even more than you need a doctor.”
“ There's nothing more the doctors can do for me,” Rosario admitted sadly.
“ I know. I'm sorry. I'd change that if I could. I'd do that for you, Rosario, for Mia. I wish I could save your life, I hope you know that. I know Doctor Burns. I know he's done everything he could. He's a good man. He doesn't want to lose you. None of us do.”
“ I know. I just need to figure this out. It's not so much that I'm dying. That part is kind of okay, as weird as that sounds. I can't live in this body much longer. I know I can't. I knew what the doctor was going to say. It was just so damned hard to hear it. It's not that I'm going to die. It's that I'm leaving Mia,” Rosario said, turning away again to hide her tears.
“ I know it's hard, but let's try to look at this reasonably,” Colin said, almost groaning. It was ridiculous to try to apply reason to such a horrific situation. “Do you have any family?” he asked.
“ No. There was only my husband. He died.........of AIDS,” Rosario admitted, looking away. “I met Eduardo in college in Jacksonville, Florida. We were both nursing students.”
“ Were you born in Florida, Rosario?” Colin asked. He needed to know as much as he could about her life to determine how to help her.
“ No. I was born in Puerto Rico. My parents moved to this country when I was a teenager. I remember how proud Papa was the day we became citizens. He wanted a better life for us; it was all he ever wanted. I was an only child. My parents are both gone. After that, it was only me, Eduardo, and Mia. It was only the three of us. Then there were two. Soon there will be just one.........”
Colin felt an ache deep within him. He couldn't imagine what the woman sitting across from him was feeling.
“ How long ago did your husband pass away?” Colin asked.
“ Mia wasn't even a year old. It's been over five years. We were both nurses then, Colin. We worked at the same hospital, at New York-Presbyterian. Eduardo contracted HIV from a patient. Before we knew what had happened to him, I had it, too. I was already pregnant with Mia. I couldn't give up my baby.”
“ I understand, Rosario,” Colin said. He turned, and Mia waved at him from the playground. He waved back. “I understand,” he repeated, this time in a whisper.
Colin turned back to look at the child's mother. He knew something was happening. Colin knew the rule. “Don't get involved in your patients' lives.” Maybe the rule was wrong. “Don't have favorites.” How could he help it? Colin wondered, as he looked back at Mia. She smiled at him, and his heart melted. He couldn't help it. Mia was special. She was the most considerate, unselfish and thoughtful child he had ever met. He had feelings for this child, feelings
“ She's okay, sweetie, and why don't you call me Colin today.”
“ Aren't you a doctor today?” the child asked inquisitively.
“ I'm always a doctor, but right now I'm a friend, and that's more important. And yes, Mia, you can go play,” he said, and Mia hugged him unexpectedly. Equally as unexpected was the fervor with which he returned the child's embrace. She kissed his cheek, and suddenly he had to fight back tears.
Only then did Rosario turn. “She really loves you, Doctor Thomas,” Rosario said.
Colin looked at her, and immediately understood why she had kept her face turned away. It was streaked with tears, and they continued to fall as she looked at him. “What am I going to do?” she asked desperately.
“ I don't know,” Colin whispered, and he thought he heard Rosario sigh. “I'm sorry, Rosario, let me try that again.”
“ It's okay, Doctor. I suppose I'd say the same thing. How could you know?”
“ Rosario, please call me Colin. I don't want to be Mia's doctor today, or yours. I'd like to be your friend. I don't know what I can do to help, but I know I can be your friend, and I think you need one right now, maybe even more than you need a doctor.”
“ There's nothing more the doctors can do for me,” Rosario admitted sadly.
“ I know. I'm sorry. I'd change that if I could. I'd do that for you, Rosario, for Mia. I wish I could save your life, I hope you know that. I know Doctor Burns. I know he's done everything he could. He's a good man. He doesn't want to lose you. None of us do.”
“ I know. I just need to figure this out. It's not so much that I'm dying. That part is kind of okay, as weird as that sounds. I can't live in this body much longer. I know I can't. I knew what the doctor was going to say. It was just so damned hard to hear it. It's not that I'm going to die. It's that I'm leaving Mia,” Rosario said, turning away again to hide her tears.
“ I know it's hard, but let's try to look at this reasonably,” Colin said, almost groaning. It was ridiculous to try to apply reason to such a horrific situation. “Do you have any family?” he asked.
“ No. There was only my husband. He died.........of AIDS,” Rosario admitted, looking away. “I met Eduardo in college in Jacksonville, Florida. We were both nursing students.”
“ Were you born in Florida, Rosario?” Colin asked. He needed to know as much as he could about her life to determine how to help her.
“ No. I was born in Puerto Rico. My parents moved to this country when I was a teenager. I remember how proud Papa was the day we became citizens. He wanted a better life for us; it was all he ever wanted. I was an only child. My parents are both gone. After that, it was only me, Eduardo, and Mia. It was only the three of us. Then there were two. Soon there will be just one.........”
Colin felt an ache deep within him. He couldn't imagine what the woman sitting across from him was feeling.
“ How long ago did your husband pass away?” Colin asked.
“ Mia wasn't even a year old. It's been over five years. We were both nurses then, Colin. We worked at the same hospital, at New York-Presbyterian. Eduardo contracted HIV from a patient. Before we knew what had happened to him, I had it, too. I was already pregnant with Mia. I couldn't give up my baby.”
“ I understand, Rosario,” Colin said. He turned, and Mia waved at him from the playground. He waved back. “I understand,” he repeated, this time in a whisper.
Colin turned back to look at the child's mother. He knew something was happening. Colin knew the rule. “Don't get involved in your patients' lives.” Maybe the rule was wrong. “Don't have favorites.” How could he help it? Colin wondered, as he looked back at Mia. She smiled at him, and his heart melted. He couldn't help it. Mia was special. She was the most considerate, unselfish and thoughtful child he had ever met. He had feelings for this child, feelings
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