and
officials look out for themselves more. Here, I may say, we have no
other thought than to win the Government's esteem through good order,
vigilance, and efficiency.
KHLESTAKOV. The lunch was excellent. I've positively overeaten. Do you
set such a fine table every day?
GOVERNOR. In honor of so agreeable a guest we do.
KHLESTAKOV. I like to eat well. That's what a man lives for—to pluck
the flowers of pleasure. What was that fish called?
ARTEMY
(running up to him)
. Labardan.
KHLESTAKOV. It was delicious. Where was it we had our lunch? In the
hospital, wasn't it?
ARTEMY. Precisely, in the hospital.
KHLESTAKOV. Yes, yes, I remember. There were beds there. The patients
must have gotten well. There don't seem to have been many of them.
ARTEMY. About ten are left. The rest recovered. The place is so well
run, there is such perfect order. It may seem incredible to you, but
ever since I've taken over the management, they all recover like flies.
No sooner does a patient enter the hospital than he feels better. And
we obtain this result not so much by medicaments as by honesty and
orderliness.
GOVERNOR. In this connection may I venture to call your attention to
what a brain-racking job the office of Governor is. There are so many
matters he has to give his mind to just in connection with keeping the
town clean and repairs and alterations. In a word, it is enough to
upset the most competent person. But, thank God, all goes well. Another
governor, of course, would look out for his own advantage. But believe
me, even nights in bed I keep thinking: "Oh, God, how could I manage
things in such a way that the government would observe my devotion to
duty and be satisfied?" Whether the government will reward me or not,
that of course, lies with them. At least I'll have a clear conscience.
When the whole town is in order, the streets swept clean, the prisoners
well kept, and few drunkards—what more do I want? Upon my word, I don't
even crave honors. Honors, of course, are alluring; but as against the
happiness which comes from doing one's duty, they are nothing but dross
and vanity.
ARTEMY
(aside)
. Oh, the do-nothing, the scoundrel! How he holds forth! I
wish the Lord had blessed me with such a gift!
KHLESTAKOV. That's so. I admit I sometimes like to philosophize, too.
Sometimes it's prose, and sometimes it comes out poetry.
BOBCHINSKY
(to Dobchinsky)
. How true, how true it all is, Piotr
Ivanovich. His remarks are great. It's evident that he is an educated
man.
KHLESTAKOV. Would you tell me, please, if you have any amusements here,
any circles where one could have a game of cards?
GOVERNOR
(aside)
. Ahem! I know what you are aiming at, my boy.
(Aloud.)
God forbid! Why, no one here has even heard of such a thing as
card-playing circles. I myself have never touched a card. I don't know
how to play. I can never look at cards with indifference, and if I
happen to see a king of diamonds or some such thing, I am so disgusted
I have to spit out. Once I made a house of cards for the children, and
then I dreamt of those confounded things the whole night. Heavens! How
can people waste their precious time over cards!
LUKA LUKICH
(aside)
. But he faroed me out of a hundred rubles yesterday,
the rascal.
GOVERNOR. I'd rather employ my time for the benefit of the state.
KHLESTAKOV. Oh, well, that's rather going too far. It all depends upon
the point of view. If, for instance, you pass when you have to treble
stakes, then of course—No, don't say that a game of cards isn't very
tempting sometimes.
Scene VI
The above, Anna Andreyevna and Marya Antonovna.
GOVERNOR. Permit me to introduce my family, my wife and daughter.
KHLESTAKOV
(bowing)
. I am happy, madam, to have the pleasure of meeting
you.
ANNA. Our pleasure in meeting so distinguished a person is still
greater.
KHLESTAKOV
(showing off)
. Excuse me, madam, on the contrary, my pleasure
is the greater.
ANNA. Impossible. You condescend to say it to compliment me. Won't
officials look out for themselves more. Here, I may say, we have no
other thought than to win the Government's esteem through good order,
vigilance, and efficiency.
KHLESTAKOV. The lunch was excellent. I've positively overeaten. Do you
set such a fine table every day?
GOVERNOR. In honor of so agreeable a guest we do.
KHLESTAKOV. I like to eat well. That's what a man lives for—to pluck
the flowers of pleasure. What was that fish called?
ARTEMY
(running up to him)
. Labardan.
KHLESTAKOV. It was delicious. Where was it we had our lunch? In the
hospital, wasn't it?
ARTEMY. Precisely, in the hospital.
KHLESTAKOV. Yes, yes, I remember. There were beds there. The patients
must have gotten well. There don't seem to have been many of them.
ARTEMY. About ten are left. The rest recovered. The place is so well
run, there is such perfect order. It may seem incredible to you, but
ever since I've taken over the management, they all recover like flies.
No sooner does a patient enter the hospital than he feels better. And
we obtain this result not so much by medicaments as by honesty and
orderliness.
GOVERNOR. In this connection may I venture to call your attention to
what a brain-racking job the office of Governor is. There are so many
matters he has to give his mind to just in connection with keeping the
town clean and repairs and alterations. In a word, it is enough to
upset the most competent person. But, thank God, all goes well. Another
governor, of course, would look out for his own advantage. But believe
me, even nights in bed I keep thinking: "Oh, God, how could I manage
things in such a way that the government would observe my devotion to
duty and be satisfied?" Whether the government will reward me or not,
that of course, lies with them. At least I'll have a clear conscience.
When the whole town is in order, the streets swept clean, the prisoners
well kept, and few drunkards—what more do I want? Upon my word, I don't
even crave honors. Honors, of course, are alluring; but as against the
happiness which comes from doing one's duty, they are nothing but dross
and vanity.
ARTEMY
(aside)
. Oh, the do-nothing, the scoundrel! How he holds forth! I
wish the Lord had blessed me with such a gift!
KHLESTAKOV. That's so. I admit I sometimes like to philosophize, too.
Sometimes it's prose, and sometimes it comes out poetry.
BOBCHINSKY
(to Dobchinsky)
. How true, how true it all is, Piotr
Ivanovich. His remarks are great. It's evident that he is an educated
man.
KHLESTAKOV. Would you tell me, please, if you have any amusements here,
any circles where one could have a game of cards?
GOVERNOR
(aside)
. Ahem! I know what you are aiming at, my boy.
(Aloud.)
God forbid! Why, no one here has even heard of such a thing as
card-playing circles. I myself have never touched a card. I don't know
how to play. I can never look at cards with indifference, and if I
happen to see a king of diamonds or some such thing, I am so disgusted
I have to spit out. Once I made a house of cards for the children, and
then I dreamt of those confounded things the whole night. Heavens! How
can people waste their precious time over cards!
LUKA LUKICH
(aside)
. But he faroed me out of a hundred rubles yesterday,
the rascal.
GOVERNOR. I'd rather employ my time for the benefit of the state.
KHLESTAKOV. Oh, well, that's rather going too far. It all depends upon
the point of view. If, for instance, you pass when you have to treble
stakes, then of course—No, don't say that a game of cards isn't very
tempting sometimes.
Scene VI
The above, Anna Andreyevna and Marya Antonovna.
GOVERNOR. Permit me to introduce my family, my wife and daughter.
KHLESTAKOV
(bowing)
. I am happy, madam, to have the pleasure of meeting
you.
ANNA. Our pleasure in meeting so distinguished a person is still
greater.
KHLESTAKOV
(showing off)
. Excuse me, madam, on the contrary, my pleasure
is the greater.
ANNA. Impossible. You condescend to say it to compliment me. Won't
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