The Inspector-General by Nikolái Gógol

the distinguished guest—the one with the gold wall paper.
Don't bother to get any extras for dinner because we'll have something
at the hospital with Artemy Filippovich. Order a little more wine, and
tell Abdulin to send the best, or I'll wreck his whole cellar. I kiss
your hand, my dearest, and remain yours, Anton Skvoznik-Dmukhanovsky."
Oh my! I must hurry. Hello, who's there? Mishka?
    DOBCHINSKY
(Runs to the door and calls.)
Mishka! Mishka! Mishka!
(Mishka
enters.)
    ANNA. Listen! Run over to Abdulin—wait, I'll give you a note.
(She
sits down at the table and writes, talking all the while.)
Give this to
Sidor, the coachman, and tell him to take it to Abdulin and bring back
the wine. And get to work at once and make the gold room ready for
a guest. Do it nicely. Put a bed in it, a wash basin and pitcher and
everything else.
    DOBCHINSKY. Well, I'm going now, Anna Andreyevna, to see how he does the
inspecting.
    ANNA. Go on, I'm not keeping you.
Scene III
    Anna Andreyevna and Marya Antonovna.
    ANNA. Now, Mashenka, we must attend to our toilet. He's a metropolitan
swell and God forbid that he should make fun of us. You put on your blue
dress with the little flounces. It's the most becoming.
    MARYA. The idea, mamma! The blue dress! I can't bear it.
Liapkin-Tiapkin's wife wears blue and so does Zemlianika's daughter. I'd
rather wear my flowered dress.
    ANNA. Your flowered dress! Of course, just to be contrary. You'll look
lots better in blue because I'm going to wear my dun-colored dress. I
love dun-color.
    MARYA. Oh, mamma, it isn't a bit becoming to you.
    ANNA. What, dun-color isn't becoming to me?
    MARYA. No, not a bit. I'm positive it isn't. One's eyes must be quite
dark to go with dun-color.
    ANNA. That's nice! And aren't my eyes dark? They are as dark as can be.
What nonsense you talk! How can they be anything but dark when I always
draw the queen of clubs.
    MARYA. Why, mamma, you are more like the queen of hearts.
    ANNA. Nonsense! Perfect nonsense! I never was a queen of hearts.
(She
goes out hurriedly with Marya and speaks behind the scenes.)
The ideas
she gets into her head! Queen of hearts! Heavens! What do you think of
that?
    As they go out, a door opens through which Mishka sweeps dirt on to the
stage. Osip enters from another door with a valise on his head.
Scene IV
    Mishka and Osip.
    OSIP. Where is this to go?
    MISHKA. In here, in here.
    OSIP. Wait, let me fetch breath first. Lord! What a wretched life! On an
empty stomach any load seems heavy.
    MISHKA. Say, uncle, will the general be here soon?
    OSIP. What general?
    MISHKA. Your master.
    OSIP. My master? What sort of a general is he?
    MISHKA. Isn't he a general?
    OSIP. Yes, he's a general, only the other way round.
    MISHKA. Is that higher or lower than a real general?
    OSIP. Higher.
    MISHKA. Gee whiz! That's why they are raising such a racket about him
here.
    OSIP. Look here, young man, I see you're a smart fellow. Get me
something to eat, won't you?
    MISHKA. There isn't anything ready yet for the likes of you. You won't
eat plain food. When your master takes his meal, they'll let you have
the same as he gets.
    OSIP. But have you got any plain stuff?
    MISHKA. We have cabbage soup, porridge and pie.
    OSIP. That's all right. We'll eat cabbage soup, porridge and pie, we'll
eat everything. Come, help me with the valise. Is there another way to
go out there?
    MISHKA. Yes.
    They both carry the valise into the next room.
Scene V
    The Sergeants open both folding doors. Khlestakov enters followed by
the Governor, then the Superintendent of Charities, the Inspector of
Schools, Dobchinsky and Bobchinsky with a plaster on his nose. The
Governor points to a piece of paper lying on the floor, and the
Sergeants rush to pick it up, pushing each other in their haste.
    KHLESTAKOV. Excellent institutions. I like the way you show strangers
everything in your town. In other towns they didn't show me a thing.
    GOVERNOR. In other towns, I venture to observe, the authorities