beside her.
‘Wow! It’s surreal isn’t it?’
‘Gorgeous.’
‘Come on. Wait till you see this.’
Emma lowers her head to the water and kicks off, and Jenn follows. Together they swim out to a cluster of rocks jutting out of the shallow sea. A shoal of fish darts in and around their feet. Emma treads water, breathless, grinning.
‘Told you.’
‘Beautiful.’ Jenn smiles back, but she can hear the asthmatic rasp in her voice. Her ribcage heaves under the swimsuit as she fights for breath. She allows the ebb and flow of the sea to drift her backwards onto a partially submerged rock ledge, and sits back to rest; to regulate her breathing. Emma treads water in front of her, smiling right into her face. She’s seldom seen her looking so elated and, somehow, the notion pains Jenn.
‘Don’t you wish we could stay out here, for ever?’ Emma ducks down like a seal, bobs up on the other side of her. ‘You should retire here.’
‘Retire? I’m really that old, you think?’
‘I didn’t mean it like that …’
‘What does your man think anyway? He liking it here?’
Emma gives a coy squint. ‘Said he’d happily live in a cave. We could live off the land.’
‘He said that?’
Emma nods, warily. Her eyes flash, just for a second. Her little nose is beginning to peel already and her face is sprinkled with sun freckles. You’re beautiful, thinksJenn. I wonder if you know just how beautiful you are? Emma squeezes Jenn’s fingers. So rare is her touch these days that it tips her stomach.
‘Thanks, you know, for making this happen.’
Jenn is almost relieved when the fingers release her.
‘He seems like a really nice boy.’
Nathan has moved into their viewfinder now, back on the diving plateau on the other side of the cove. He’s looking in their direction, as though sensing he’s being talked about. Emma squints up at her through one eye.
‘He is, you know, Mum. He’s lovely.’
Jenn is conscious of her nostrils flaring; her eyes smarting. She tamps a rising frisson back down, and focuses solely on Emma. In this moment, her daughter is there, once again within reach. Jenn wants to hold her close, and tell her: come back to me. Come back, honey. She smiles and strokes her wet hair, breathing more easily now. Greg comes into view behind Emma’s bobbing head. He’s sitting up, dabbing his brow with Jenn’s blouse. She knows him too well. He’s hot and grouchy – but too indolent to join them in the sea. Emma follows her gaze.
‘Do you think Dad likes him?’
Jenn leans towards her and pushes a loose bolt of hair behind Emma’s ear.
‘You know what, chicken? I think he does.’
Emma flinches from the hair-tucking and furrows her brow, as though Jenn has overstepped the line again – that vague and ever-shifting line that declares then rescinds their friendship. Emma seems to realise what she’s done. Her head is bowed, her face contrite. She lowers her voice and whispers.
‘I didn’t mean to like snap at you before.’ She gives a little glance up. ‘After you made it all happen for us. Dad would never have let Nate come away if it wasn’t for you. I know that.’
Her forearms take her weight on the rock ledge now, her legs gently treading water. Her face is open, ready to give and receive – yet Jenn fears making the same mistake twice. She maintains the distance, but bestows a forgiving smile.
‘Shouldn’t I be apologising to you, anyway? I’m sorry about that, if I embarrassed you. I really wouldn’t have … I didn’t think you’d be there so soon.’
‘I wasn’t. Embarrassed.’ Emma eyes her, unsure for a moment. ‘But I think Nathan was.’
‘Nathan?’
Emma glances back to where her father lies comatose on the beach. The sparkle has vanished from her face altogether now. ‘Think I’m going to head back for a disco nap. Nate and I thought we’d walk up to the village tonight.’
6
Jenn still can’t bring herself to go back. She swims onwards and
‘Wow! It’s surreal isn’t it?’
‘Gorgeous.’
‘Come on. Wait till you see this.’
Emma lowers her head to the water and kicks off, and Jenn follows. Together they swim out to a cluster of rocks jutting out of the shallow sea. A shoal of fish darts in and around their feet. Emma treads water, breathless, grinning.
‘Told you.’
‘Beautiful.’ Jenn smiles back, but she can hear the asthmatic rasp in her voice. Her ribcage heaves under the swimsuit as she fights for breath. She allows the ebb and flow of the sea to drift her backwards onto a partially submerged rock ledge, and sits back to rest; to regulate her breathing. Emma treads water in front of her, smiling right into her face. She’s seldom seen her looking so elated and, somehow, the notion pains Jenn.
‘Don’t you wish we could stay out here, for ever?’ Emma ducks down like a seal, bobs up on the other side of her. ‘You should retire here.’
‘Retire? I’m really that old, you think?’
‘I didn’t mean it like that …’
‘What does your man think anyway? He liking it here?’
Emma gives a coy squint. ‘Said he’d happily live in a cave. We could live off the land.’
‘He said that?’
Emma nods, warily. Her eyes flash, just for a second. Her little nose is beginning to peel already and her face is sprinkled with sun freckles. You’re beautiful, thinksJenn. I wonder if you know just how beautiful you are? Emma squeezes Jenn’s fingers. So rare is her touch these days that it tips her stomach.
‘Thanks, you know, for making this happen.’
Jenn is almost relieved when the fingers release her.
‘He seems like a really nice boy.’
Nathan has moved into their viewfinder now, back on the diving plateau on the other side of the cove. He’s looking in their direction, as though sensing he’s being talked about. Emma squints up at her through one eye.
‘He is, you know, Mum. He’s lovely.’
Jenn is conscious of her nostrils flaring; her eyes smarting. She tamps a rising frisson back down, and focuses solely on Emma. In this moment, her daughter is there, once again within reach. Jenn wants to hold her close, and tell her: come back to me. Come back, honey. She smiles and strokes her wet hair, breathing more easily now. Greg comes into view behind Emma’s bobbing head. He’s sitting up, dabbing his brow with Jenn’s blouse. She knows him too well. He’s hot and grouchy – but too indolent to join them in the sea. Emma follows her gaze.
‘Do you think Dad likes him?’
Jenn leans towards her and pushes a loose bolt of hair behind Emma’s ear.
‘You know what, chicken? I think he does.’
Emma flinches from the hair-tucking and furrows her brow, as though Jenn has overstepped the line again – that vague and ever-shifting line that declares then rescinds their friendship. Emma seems to realise what she’s done. Her head is bowed, her face contrite. She lowers her voice and whispers.
‘I didn’t mean to like snap at you before.’ She gives a little glance up. ‘After you made it all happen for us. Dad would never have let Nate come away if it wasn’t for you. I know that.’
Her forearms take her weight on the rock ledge now, her legs gently treading water. Her face is open, ready to give and receive – yet Jenn fears making the same mistake twice. She maintains the distance, but bestows a forgiving smile.
‘Shouldn’t I be apologising to you, anyway? I’m sorry about that, if I embarrassed you. I really wouldn’t have … I didn’t think you’d be there so soon.’
‘I wasn’t. Embarrassed.’ Emma eyes her, unsure for a moment. ‘But I think Nathan was.’
‘Nathan?’
Emma glances back to where her father lies comatose on the beach. The sparkle has vanished from her face altogether now. ‘Think I’m going to head back for a disco nap. Nate and I thought we’d walk up to the village tonight.’
6
Jenn still can’t bring herself to go back. She swims onwards and
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