The Lesser Bohemians by Eimear McBride Page A

for dinner, I say. You don’t really think that     do you? And what if I did? If you were that stupid I’d make sure I got my money’s worth, he laughs. I don’t owe you for dinner. I know, he says Come back anyway.
    No this one, he grabs me as I go the wrong gate. Careful on the stairs too, still no light. Here again for what new night? Were you expecting to bring someone back? Why do you say that? It’s all tidy. I tidy sometimes, he says. Yeah but there’re also clean sheets on your bed. I get a look but continue anyway So, if we hadn’t met would you have gone to the World’s End tonight? Might have done, he says Pass me your coat. As I pass it to him If you think it’s a meat market, isn’t that a bit grim? Well not liking it and not doing it are two different things, aren’t they Nancy Drew? And he kneels at the fire letting the air go thin. I scrabble back What’re the boxes for? Keeping my stuff in. I never noticed them last time. Well you were somewhat preoccupied, he says With what you wanted to achieve. Quiet bite. How wrong’s my foot? So – he leans back on his desk – What now? Sorry     how do you mean? Well we’re both here for sex aren’t we? I just thought, given your insightfulness, maybe you’d like to get things going this time? And his eyes say nothing so I die inside. Don’t make me make the first move. Why, would that be unkind? I mumble I think it would. So you see, he says – surveying his shoes – I also have insight and, if I wanted, could be unkind as well. Sorry I      it was a stupid thing to say. No, it was a clever thing to see but I don’t need to be caught out so what exactly would you like to know?Nothing. Really? Nothing. Adversaries it seems but I don’t look away and he is the first to smile. Well, in that case, he says I think we should get back to the kissing now.
    From which, on to mischief. By the time of the bra he’s joking Still coping without the duvet? And wrangling the waves of myself rolling through I let him cramp up the small space between. Good that the smell of his body’s not new. Helps he remembers small what’s of mine also like God those freckly shoulders again or. Laughing Your tights are the bane of mankind. Kissing to strip off, to lick of my palm then sliding it sliding it down. God! I God! Do you mind? he says. No    but I don’t want to make a mistake. You won’t, just do whatever you want, if I don’t like it I’ll say. So, and pact made, fall in with his mouth but what is it he wouldn’t allow? And I let him do all sorts now, modesty flying everywhere. It’s only him backing me back to the bed, suffering Fuck you do that well, that re-catches me old sight of myself and opens the anxious eye. Wrestle. Be easy with this stuff said – not as if it never has. But this is not that, here with him. He kisses like he means it, like he’s with some person who can be liked and kissed. Who is not bits of body, floating parts, there for a finger in the mouth or What? You know what things . In the atom though his fancying must be a lie and I go so far from my body now. Left, from his skin to the switching off. Turn it down. Turn it Stop! I Stop Please Stop. And bolt my arms across until the air goes lock. Why? he asks. No reason, just stop. He stands back Whatever you want, but his eyes stay right on mine. Shy again? I shake my head. Something I did? No. Something I said? but rathering chaos than answering questions I panic Stop talking, shut up! He drops his eyes Okay, let’s not have this again, this is when it stopped being fun last time, remember? And I see heis now calm annoyed, showing only to the carpet, but I am Oh God filled with remorse. I’m sorry, I say I don’t know what’s wrong. He, as though I’m lying, shrugs Never mind, some other time, stooping down for his