The Lesser Bohemians by Eimear McBride Page B

shirt. Don’t do that, I say. No? Why not? There and has me on the spot decide decide on him. So turn I braille eights on his long hand. Prise the shirt from him, tug and down. Please don’t put your clothes back on. I won’t if you won’t, he says. I won’t. Promise me that! Why? Because, he laughs I nearly had to take you back to the Gents at the Festival Hall before. Really? Really and as for Foyles well. But then. Then he. And he makes it so easy for me. I’m glad he wants to, still.
    Elbows and laugh stumble bed again. His body – it seems – liking everything while mine still doesn’t know what’s going on but tries so hard to please. Catch it watching him follow the pleasure though, then – where he expects – starts finding its own. That’s it, he says and farther goes than I would think to give. Straight to manhandled knickers and every inch he can. Can I go down on you? No! Little baby Jesus won’t mind. Oh my God no! That’s a shame, how about? haAh. Oh you like that then? Likes it himself when I Yes. And get close now so close with him. All the clicks and licks and, by the time he says Do you want to fuck me? Yeah, I say I do.
    Best day night life. I am all for this – him getting in a condom like one-handed trick – and wanting to. Wanting it. Free for the fucking til he puts it in and Fuck it hurts. Fuck it. Why again? No. I refuse that. You alright? he says. I counterfeit Fine, while silent abjuring whatever part of my body hasn’t yet learned how. And instead breathe the pain across his back to spare him more of my trouble enough so do you owe him, after all? Just take it. Fake. You you can. Replay revive Betty Blue forsounds, for how they went at it he I am. But But. Duse myself undone. Are you faking? No. Is that a lie? A little bit. He leans up Why? It’s still hurting me. Fuck’s sake you should have just said, him getting straight from me, then the bed. Where’re you going? To sit in this chair so we can try something else. Like what? Get on me and find out. No, my God, I’m too fat. What? No you’re fucking not, get over here. Do then, covering myself up. Ribs enfolded. Pubic skimped. Him yanking me onto and in between kissing saying Now you put me in and let’s find out what works.
    He tries to, but can’t quite, disinterest himself. Just as well though for my mule body won’t – inciting itself only at his obliging my hips. Bit harder? he wonders. I. I. But the mouth on my breasts then – tickle and strange delight of being seen – surprises me, if not to everything, to something. Like first foot inveigle toward what this could be. With the look in his eye. With his body in me. Going and going and harder until Oh fuck, he says Hold still, I’m way too close, any chance you are? Not this time no. Can I help you? and his hand sliding down. No, I like it but     I won’t tonight     I want you to though. Just as well, he says, body going tight. Going barely barely. Can’t bear to shift. Go on, I say. Then his legs go and. Lights he. Pain turning white inside me. But. Even in this moment, even as he takes, he is the one getting killed.
    That was really fucking good, he says still kissing and not like on the afters of sex. You’re so warm inside. Is that weird? No, it feels great. His blood slowing under my hand. Sorry it was all interrupted and that. Don’t worry, it’s good not to be a lazy bastard. What does that mean but he asks instead So how did you find it this time? Much better     the second way. Well, that’s a start. I say I think that’s a lot. He Hmms, unconvinced,but Does that count as my second or third time having sex? Second, why do you ask? Because we did it two ways. No I think that’s still second, he says Unless there’s been someone else since? There hasn’t been, has there for you? Don’t