The List by Sherri L. Lewis

me.”
    â€œFeels like God?” Angela asked.
    â€œYeah.” I wrapped my arms around myself. “Whenever I spend time with God, He feels so sweet. I can feel how much He loves me. I always tell God I want Him to break off a piece of Himself and come down here and marry me.”
    Nicole looked at me like she had looked at Lisa only minutes before. “Ummm, Jesus already came and died, and unless you’re buying that ‘DaVinci Code’ mess, he didn’t have a wife and kids.
    â€œI don’t mean Jesus Himself. I’m just saying, someone who’s so full of the Spirit of God, who has died to himself and let Jesus take over—so much so that he feels like God. He’ll love me like God loves me. I hope I’m not sounding like Lisa, but I don’t think that’s too much to ask. Is it?”
    Everyone sat silent for a few minutes, pondering my words.
    Vanessa finally answered. “I know what you mean. That’s how Michael was. When he held me in his arms and told me how much he loved me and would never let anything happen to me or the kids, or when he would wake me up with sweet kisses every morning, telling me how beautiful I was and how blessed he was to have me as his wife . . . I always felt like God had sent a part of Himself to earth to love me.” Vanessa sighed. “It’s not too much to ask, sweetie. In fact, make sure you hold out for that. That kind of love is the most precious thing on earth, and everyone should get to taste it. Even if only for a little while.”
    Nicole arose and slid into the seat next to Vanessa. She took her hand in hers and squeezed it tight. Vanessa laid her head on Nicole’s shoulder. Angela took Vanessa’s other hand and held it.
    The room was silent. We could almost feel Vanessa’s pain, raw and hollow, hanging in the air.
    Vanessa sat up. “Lisa, you know I love you. But I think you should let go of this ideal man you’ve got made up in your head. I know God is a miracle worker, but what you’re asking for isn’t realistic. He sounds like something in a book or in the movies. You have to be willing to accept a man with flaws who may not look perfect, be rich, and have no children or issues from previous relationships. I think Michelle has the right idea in looking first and foremost for him to have the heart of God.”
    Vanessa turned to me. “Michelle, I think you’ve got a great start on your list, but it’s missing some things. I guess you’ll fill things in as you go, but try to be open and not rule out guys in five minutes. You may have great instincts, but you have to be careful about underlying internal stuff, like fear making you reject someone before you even give them a chance.”
    She turned to Angela. “And you, my sweet beautiful Angela, I want you to look in the mirror every morning and tell yourself how beautiful you are until you believe it. From this point on, you’re not allowed to say anything bad about yourself or compare yourself to anyone in this room or on television or anywhere else. Okay?”
    Angela nodded. “Okay.”
    Vanessa turned to Nicole. “And what about you?”
    â€œWhat about me?”
    â€œUnderneath that tough, raw, honest, blunt exterior of yours, you are one of the most loving people I know. Are you gonna keep that all for yourself and us?”
    Nicole shifted in her seat. “I . . . I’m just . . . I’ve just been . . . I don’t know.”
    Vanessa squeezed her hand. “I know you think you’re a strong, independent black woman who doesn’t need a man, but what about some man out there that needs you—his helpmate? Loving, strong Nicole, who won’t pull any punches, will always tell him the truth, but will love him so much, he’ll believe he can take over the world. Think of what you’re depriving some wonderful man of. Just because you’re afraid of being