the windowpanes and she feels the chill of the room. she rolls over and gets up, and goes to the mirror above her dresser and turns on the lamp. scattered on the dresser top are small gifts from the children—a white, sea-washed stone; a feather glued to a piece of construction paper; a heart drawn with crayon, and Max’s shaky letters— MOM . Her baby is gone and now something is needed to fill the space where she would have been. she remembers ray Filley, the way he looked at her, as if he saw something there she had forgotten existed. Her face in the lamplight isn’t her mother’s, but admittedly, he is right—it is a striking version of her. sadie’s cheeks are fleshed out, heavier from the pregnancy, but her eyes are her mother’s same blue, her hair the same pale blond, worn long and waving past her shoulders, the way her mother used to wear hers. Like a model in a hair color ad, sadie thinks, and laughs. she leans toward the mirror and is surprised to see that her smile looks entirely convincing. Then she goes down to the heat and light of the kitchen, to the children, who leap from their seats at the table and welcome her back as if she’s been gone on vacation, to Craig, his sleeves rolled up, his face grim.
“I’m going to join the Tunxis Players,” she says.
Craig claps his hands together. “Great!” he says. He looks down at the children. “your mommy’s going to be an actress!”
The children cheer as they always do for grand announcements. sadie laughs and rolls her eyes at Craig, determined not to take it seriously, and he shrugs and gives her a hopeful look, as if he is willing to do whatever it takes. And somehow, for the next few months, that is how their life evolves—sadie playing her role, and Craig playing along.
June 15, 1979
E
very summer required some diversion, and sadie, inspired by bea brownmiller’s intriguing past, and in an unacknowledged attempt to impress
her mother, sat down to write a play titled The Memory of the Fleetfoot Sisters. The play’s debut was slated for July. It was a musical, with original lyrics composed to the music-only versions of already-popular songs from bygone eras. These were songs sadie found in a box set of records called Music for Your Every Mood, organized into categories. (“In a Haunting Mood,” “In a bewitching Mood,” “In a Carefree Mood”), with music from Dennis wilson’s Cocktail Piano with the rhythm Quintet and the Philharmonic “Pops” orchestra. sadie wouldn’t know the songs already had words until she was a grown woman and heard “love Me or leave Me” sung by Doris Day on the oldies station. she still remembered her own version, performed by betty’s sister as lottie, the unhappy shoe clerk: Love me or leave me / Just leave me, or love me / I’m in some trouble / Don’t know what to do! / Give me the answer / and keep me from feeling blue!
someone was assigned the role of starting up the music, the record player hidden in the laundry room, the list of songs taped to the wall, the speakers set up in the area of the stage, and the wires snaked under the laundry room door. each cue was recorded as well—the girls broke into song and were discovered by a talent scout, and like most musicals the tran
43
sition from speaking line to song was awkward, made more so by the scratching sound of the needle on the record and the difficulty of lining it up exactly in the dim laundry room lighting.
sadie had typed up the script on an old IbM selectric her father had brought home from the office.
SCENE:
An office in disarray. An old wooden desk sits in the corner. On the walls are posters of the Fleetfoot Sisters under spotlights, their arms looped together and singing in front of a microphone. The posters are peeling off the walls. Some are on the floor. There is a sense of neglect and of time having passed. An old man
(OLD ROGER)
shuffles into the room.
OL D RO G E R.[
Scanning the posters
] I remember those days. Ah
“I’m going to join the Tunxis Players,” she says.
Craig claps his hands together. “Great!” he says. He looks down at the children. “your mommy’s going to be an actress!”
The children cheer as they always do for grand announcements. sadie laughs and rolls her eyes at Craig, determined not to take it seriously, and he shrugs and gives her a hopeful look, as if he is willing to do whatever it takes. And somehow, for the next few months, that is how their life evolves—sadie playing her role, and Craig playing along.
June 15, 1979
E
very summer required some diversion, and sadie, inspired by bea brownmiller’s intriguing past, and in an unacknowledged attempt to impress
her mother, sat down to write a play titled The Memory of the Fleetfoot Sisters. The play’s debut was slated for July. It was a musical, with original lyrics composed to the music-only versions of already-popular songs from bygone eras. These were songs sadie found in a box set of records called Music for Your Every Mood, organized into categories. (“In a Haunting Mood,” “In a bewitching Mood,” “In a Carefree Mood”), with music from Dennis wilson’s Cocktail Piano with the rhythm Quintet and the Philharmonic “Pops” orchestra. sadie wouldn’t know the songs already had words until she was a grown woman and heard “love Me or leave Me” sung by Doris Day on the oldies station. she still remembered her own version, performed by betty’s sister as lottie, the unhappy shoe clerk: Love me or leave me / Just leave me, or love me / I’m in some trouble / Don’t know what to do! / Give me the answer / and keep me from feeling blue!
someone was assigned the role of starting up the music, the record player hidden in the laundry room, the list of songs taped to the wall, the speakers set up in the area of the stage, and the wires snaked under the laundry room door. each cue was recorded as well—the girls broke into song and were discovered by a talent scout, and like most musicals the tran
43
sition from speaking line to song was awkward, made more so by the scratching sound of the needle on the record and the difficulty of lining it up exactly in the dim laundry room lighting.
sadie had typed up the script on an old IbM selectric her father had brought home from the office.
SCENE:
An office in disarray. An old wooden desk sits in the corner. On the walls are posters of the Fleetfoot Sisters under spotlights, their arms looped together and singing in front of a microphone. The posters are peeling off the walls. Some are on the floor. There is a sense of neglect and of time having passed. An old man
(OLD ROGER)
shuffles into the room.
OL D RO G E R.[
Scanning the posters
] I remember those days. Ah
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