everything.’
‘You are right.’ She smiled to show how much she agreed with him, though that soon faded before the gravity in his eyes, andnot smiling was easier since she was still bleeding inside and out from the pain of her violation. She ushered him on in silence, with the boy padding behind, while her mind swam, and she mourned inwardly for the affinity she felt with this man, and the certainty that neither he, nor anyone like him, could ever be part of her life, so far removed from her was he in station and experience, and so tarnished was she now that no man of merit would ever want her.
‘There were many reasons why I sailed with Drake,’ Kit volunteered, carrying on as if their discussion had never stopped, and her heart opened to him at that, because she knew he was trying to be both considerate and forthright with her. He paced steadily at her side as he went on.
‘Gratitude and loyalty come into it, and searching too – searching for something,’ he added quickly, as if correcting himself.
‘What?’
‘I …’
Their words were uttered together, and with a wistful smile he carried on.
‘I now know that my search is at an end. There is no need for me to sail again with Drake, not to the Indies or anywhere else.’
They had reached the Gate House, and it was only natural that she should go inside to speak to the Yeoman Steward and collect the key to the mariner’s room; this done, she knew their conversation was close to a conclusion, though she wondered at his last words, and wanted to know more about his travels and why his search was over. She escorted Master Kit to his lodgings overlooking the Great Court, checked there was a pallet for his page, and prepared to say goodbye.
‘I suppose you will be meeting Manteo to discuss your return to Virginia?’ She put the question as blithely as she could.
‘Yes, there’ll be meetings, and Sir Walter will want a report, and to speak to me as well since it’s his capital that will finance the voyage. I hope he considers me worthy to be included in the enterprise.’
‘Oh, he will,’ she blurted out, which induced in him another small smile. ‘I would like to attend, if I may,’ she rushed on impulsively, simply not wanting to end their association and the glimpse of freedom he had given her. ‘I am very interested in this new land.’
‘You?’ He raised a brow and looked at her, and again his eyes locked onto hers, but the laughter that she thought might come did not. He spoke gently.
‘Well, John White is determined upon having women amongst his settlers. Perhaps you might be able to tell him whether the women who are needed will be encouraged to join.’
The women who are needed
: the phrase turned in her thoughts, and she knew that such women did not include her. Suddenly she wished all her finery away: her silk dress and pearls, her wired collar and corset, the farthingale, the busk and the whitening caking her face. She wished she had no maid to give him the impression she was pampered. She wanted him to see that she could be useful too.
He tipped his handsome head on one side then gave her a crisp bow.
‘I will ask whether you may come along.’
*
Emme felt herself falling, plummeting down through a lightless void with nothing that she could catch hold of to slow her descent. Her speed accelerated with each tearing moment, though she reached out with arms and legs, twisting and flailing in desperation, clutching uselessly while air streamed past her, filling her mouth which was open wide to scream. But no sound would come. The dropwent on and on. Her muscles locked and her nerves burned. She tried to yell again and again, until, at last, with a cry she woke, thrashing and sweating, twisting in her sheets, conscious of where she was just as she realised that someone was close.
Bess Throckmorton reached over from the bed beside Emme in their chamber at Richmond Palace and took hold of her in the darkness. Emme sighed with
‘You are right.’ She smiled to show how much she agreed with him, though that soon faded before the gravity in his eyes, andnot smiling was easier since she was still bleeding inside and out from the pain of her violation. She ushered him on in silence, with the boy padding behind, while her mind swam, and she mourned inwardly for the affinity she felt with this man, and the certainty that neither he, nor anyone like him, could ever be part of her life, so far removed from her was he in station and experience, and so tarnished was she now that no man of merit would ever want her.
‘There were many reasons why I sailed with Drake,’ Kit volunteered, carrying on as if their discussion had never stopped, and her heart opened to him at that, because she knew he was trying to be both considerate and forthright with her. He paced steadily at her side as he went on.
‘Gratitude and loyalty come into it, and searching too – searching for something,’ he added quickly, as if correcting himself.
‘What?’
‘I …’
Their words were uttered together, and with a wistful smile he carried on.
‘I now know that my search is at an end. There is no need for me to sail again with Drake, not to the Indies or anywhere else.’
They had reached the Gate House, and it was only natural that she should go inside to speak to the Yeoman Steward and collect the key to the mariner’s room; this done, she knew their conversation was close to a conclusion, though she wondered at his last words, and wanted to know more about his travels and why his search was over. She escorted Master Kit to his lodgings overlooking the Great Court, checked there was a pallet for his page, and prepared to say goodbye.
‘I suppose you will be meeting Manteo to discuss your return to Virginia?’ She put the question as blithely as she could.
‘Yes, there’ll be meetings, and Sir Walter will want a report, and to speak to me as well since it’s his capital that will finance the voyage. I hope he considers me worthy to be included in the enterprise.’
‘Oh, he will,’ she blurted out, which induced in him another small smile. ‘I would like to attend, if I may,’ she rushed on impulsively, simply not wanting to end their association and the glimpse of freedom he had given her. ‘I am very interested in this new land.’
‘You?’ He raised a brow and looked at her, and again his eyes locked onto hers, but the laughter that she thought might come did not. He spoke gently.
‘Well, John White is determined upon having women amongst his settlers. Perhaps you might be able to tell him whether the women who are needed will be encouraged to join.’
The women who are needed
: the phrase turned in her thoughts, and she knew that such women did not include her. Suddenly she wished all her finery away: her silk dress and pearls, her wired collar and corset, the farthingale, the busk and the whitening caking her face. She wished she had no maid to give him the impression she was pampered. She wanted him to see that she could be useful too.
He tipped his handsome head on one side then gave her a crisp bow.
‘I will ask whether you may come along.’
*
Emme felt herself falling, plummeting down through a lightless void with nothing that she could catch hold of to slow her descent. Her speed accelerated with each tearing moment, though she reached out with arms and legs, twisting and flailing in desperation, clutching uselessly while air streamed past her, filling her mouth which was open wide to scream. But no sound would come. The dropwent on and on. Her muscles locked and her nerves burned. She tried to yell again and again, until, at last, with a cry she woke, thrashing and sweating, twisting in her sheets, conscious of where she was just as she realised that someone was close.
Bess Throckmorton reached over from the bed beside Emme in their chamber at Richmond Palace and took hold of her in the darkness. Emme sighed with
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