very much he hated keeping secrets from a woman he loved as much as he did her. “Ani, will you marry me? Please?”
Chapter 4
When Ven Kaldarren didn’t respond, Garrett leaned in closer to her companel. A little crazy, sure, but maybe, if she could close the physical divide just a little bit, this might be the ticket to bridging the emotional chasm that yawned between them like a black and bottomless pit.
“Please,” Garrett said again. “Please, Ven, don’t make me beg. You knew I’d want to speak with Jase if you called. If you wanted to humiliate me, you could’ve done the same thing in a prerecorded message.”
“No,” he said, and his voice was thick. (With anger? Sadness? She couldn’t tell.) “No, I didn’t call to humiliate you. You should know me better, Rachel. I would never do that to you. That’s a coward’s way, and I’m not a coward about most things.”
This was true. She was the one who’d always been gone on deep space assignments, the one who was conveniently away, or had somewhere to go if there was a personal problem. How ironic that she could face down phaser blasts, Klingons, and ion storms, but she absolutely withered, cringed when it came to dealing with her own emotions, or the feelings of the people she really, truly cared about.
Maybe that’s why I’m good at captaining, and crummy at everything else. When you’re a captain, there are rules and regulations and nice, safe codes of behavior. Everything’s so civilized.
She looked into Ven Kaldarren’s ravaged eyes and read his sorrow and hurt. But there’s nothing civilized about love, nothing.
“No,” she said finally. “You aren’t, and ...” She cleared her throat. “I’m sorry, Ven. That was unfair of me. Please, I would like to speak with Jase. No excuses; I won’t ask him to forgive me because he has every right to be angry, too ...”
“He’ll never hate you, Rachel,” Kaldarren said. “He loves you. He always will, no matter what happens.”
And no matter what you do, Kaldarren hadn’t said it, but he might as well have; Garrett read it in his eyes. And did she see something else there? Something about her?
She brought herself sternly. Don’t go there. That’s over and done with.
He broke the silence first. “Let me get him. He ... I think he’d like to hear from his mother.”
Garrett opened her mouth to thank him, but Kaldarren’s body swiveled to one side as he turned in his chair, and then he was gone. Staring at the emptiness where her ex-husband had been, Garrett waited, her head throbbing, her heart aching. She tried not to think. Not now. Maybe she would think later, or maybe she wouldn’t think at all because there were a lot of things pressing in on her, a lot of responsibilities. For now, though, she had to focus on Jase.
There was a blur of movement on the companel, and she blinked, plastering an automatic smile on her face before she’d even registered that Jase had slid into Kaldarren’s empty seat.
“Sweetheart,” she said. Too bright, too chipper, tone it down, you sound like a chipmunk. “How are you, honey?”
“Fine.” Jason had Kaldarren’s black hair, though it was much shorter, and the same black eyes, though he had Garrett’s paler coloring and the same oval cast to his face that made him look fragile as fine china. “How are you, Mom?”
“I’m okay,” she said, lying. “I missed your birthday. I’m sorry. That was wrong.”
Jase hiked his shoulders. “S’okay.”
“It’s not. A boy doesn’t have his twelfth birthday every day.” Not so cheery; you can’t smooth this over. “I promised you I’d be there, but I wasn’t. That must’ve made you angry.”
“No,” said Jase, though his voice broke a little and Garrett couldn’t tell if it was from the lie, or that he was growing up. “It made Dad angry.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah. He didn’t say anything,” Jase added, as if worried Garrett might think that Kaldarren was goading the
Chapter 4
When Ven Kaldarren didn’t respond, Garrett leaned in closer to her companel. A little crazy, sure, but maybe, if she could close the physical divide just a little bit, this might be the ticket to bridging the emotional chasm that yawned between them like a black and bottomless pit.
“Please,” Garrett said again. “Please, Ven, don’t make me beg. You knew I’d want to speak with Jase if you called. If you wanted to humiliate me, you could’ve done the same thing in a prerecorded message.”
“No,” he said, and his voice was thick. (With anger? Sadness? She couldn’t tell.) “No, I didn’t call to humiliate you. You should know me better, Rachel. I would never do that to you. That’s a coward’s way, and I’m not a coward about most things.”
This was true. She was the one who’d always been gone on deep space assignments, the one who was conveniently away, or had somewhere to go if there was a personal problem. How ironic that she could face down phaser blasts, Klingons, and ion storms, but she absolutely withered, cringed when it came to dealing with her own emotions, or the feelings of the people she really, truly cared about.
Maybe that’s why I’m good at captaining, and crummy at everything else. When you’re a captain, there are rules and regulations and nice, safe codes of behavior. Everything’s so civilized.
She looked into Ven Kaldarren’s ravaged eyes and read his sorrow and hurt. But there’s nothing civilized about love, nothing.
“No,” she said finally. “You aren’t, and ...” She cleared her throat. “I’m sorry, Ven. That was unfair of me. Please, I would like to speak with Jase. No excuses; I won’t ask him to forgive me because he has every right to be angry, too ...”
“He’ll never hate you, Rachel,” Kaldarren said. “He loves you. He always will, no matter what happens.”
And no matter what you do, Kaldarren hadn’t said it, but he might as well have; Garrett read it in his eyes. And did she see something else there? Something about her?
She brought herself sternly. Don’t go there. That’s over and done with.
He broke the silence first. “Let me get him. He ... I think he’d like to hear from his mother.”
Garrett opened her mouth to thank him, but Kaldarren’s body swiveled to one side as he turned in his chair, and then he was gone. Staring at the emptiness where her ex-husband had been, Garrett waited, her head throbbing, her heart aching. She tried not to think. Not now. Maybe she would think later, or maybe she wouldn’t think at all because there were a lot of things pressing in on her, a lot of responsibilities. For now, though, she had to focus on Jase.
There was a blur of movement on the companel, and she blinked, plastering an automatic smile on her face before she’d even registered that Jase had slid into Kaldarren’s empty seat.
“Sweetheart,” she said. Too bright, too chipper, tone it down, you sound like a chipmunk. “How are you, honey?”
“Fine.” Jason had Kaldarren’s black hair, though it was much shorter, and the same black eyes, though he had Garrett’s paler coloring and the same oval cast to his face that made him look fragile as fine china. “How are you, Mom?”
“I’m okay,” she said, lying. “I missed your birthday. I’m sorry. That was wrong.”
Jase hiked his shoulders. “S’okay.”
“It’s not. A boy doesn’t have his twelfth birthday every day.” Not so cheery; you can’t smooth this over. “I promised you I’d be there, but I wasn’t. That must’ve made you angry.”
“No,” said Jase, though his voice broke a little and Garrett couldn’t tell if it was from the lie, or that he was growing up. “It made Dad angry.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah. He didn’t say anything,” Jase added, as if worried Garrett might think that Kaldarren was goading the
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