shoulders.”
“They’re broad. They can take it.”
“Not after everything we’ve done today.” She shook her head, and her hair made the water ripple. Digging her fingers into her eyes, she tried to stop the tears, but she couldn’t. They were in for the long haul. She gulped. “I don’t want to spoil it.”
“You could never spoil it.”
“Liar,” she whispered around a watery smile. “I’m tired of crying. Today has been too heavy. I wasn’t prepared for it. It came out of left field, but I know things have been weird recently. I didn’t expect it all to hit the fan today.”
He sighed. “Don’t prevaricate. Come on, love. Talk to me.”
She reached for his hand, slipped it through the oily water, and rested it on her belly. “What if I’m pregnant? You won’t be here for the birth.”
He was silent for a second, and then he blew out a breath. “What did I do to deserve you?”
That made her cry all the harder. Her sobs were loud in the quiet room. “Nothing. You’re wonderful. I don’t deserve you. Please, don’t leave me. Us . I know you have to go, but don’t…don’t think you’re going to leave us forever. Don’t think that way. I can’t stand it. Knowing you’re going over there believing…” She shook her head again. “Don’t. Please, don’t.”
“I should never have said anything,” he murmured, regret lacing his tone.
“Of course you should. I’m not a weakling, Luke. I don’t need protecting. But I can’t handle you thinking this is it. That when we say good-bye, it’s forever.” Her chest heaved at the thought, and she sat up. The water displaced, shooting over the sides of the tub. It was hard for her to breathe through the notion. Harder still not to panic. She clutched harder at his hand. “I-I…please, marry Josh. Do it for me.”
He frowned. “Why would that make you feel better?”
“I don’t know,” she bawled. “I think it would make you feel better, and sending you over there feeling more positive is what works for me. Luke, I love you so much. It kills me to think of you not being here at night with me, holding me while we sleep. Waking up Lexi together.
“I have to cope with nine months; I don’t have a choice. I know that, and I’m not… I don’t want to make you feel guilty for having to go. But it’s going to be hard. You don’t know how much.” Her mouth worked. “You have to come back. I can’t live without you.”
He sighed and pressed a kiss to the back of her slippery fingers. “You’re strong, and you have Josh and Lexi.”
“No!” she shrieked, pulling her hand away to slam it down against the water. More tumbled over the side, and this time it drenched Luke’s shirt. She did it again and again, each time yelling, “No!”
He grabbed her hand again, but she moved over to the other side of the large tub, away from him and his reach. “You’re doing it again. You’re thinking this is it.”
“I don’t know what I’m facing over there, Gia. I have to be realistic, and you do too.”
She stared at him. “I’m not strong. Not really. I have Josh and Lexi, yeah. But I need you. Don’t you understand that? You’re my strength. You.
“Tomorrow, when I go into that principal’s office, I’ll focus on you. I’ll think what would you say, what would you do. And then, I'll do it. I don’t always do it well, but I try. When I’m writing and I get stuck, I think, what would Lucas tell me to do? Then I do it. You’re my strength,” she repeated. “Don’t you see that? Can’t you see it?”
“I love you too.” The words were gravelly, filled with the force of his love for her.
She closed her eyes. “I need more than your love. I need your faith. You have to believe you’ll come back to me. For me.” She blinked, looking at him, piercing him with her regard.
For the first time, his hesitation was less pronounced. He nodded, slowly, but it was affirmative nonetheless. The sight of it made her
“They’re broad. They can take it.”
“Not after everything we’ve done today.” She shook her head, and her hair made the water ripple. Digging her fingers into her eyes, she tried to stop the tears, but she couldn’t. They were in for the long haul. She gulped. “I don’t want to spoil it.”
“You could never spoil it.”
“Liar,” she whispered around a watery smile. “I’m tired of crying. Today has been too heavy. I wasn’t prepared for it. It came out of left field, but I know things have been weird recently. I didn’t expect it all to hit the fan today.”
He sighed. “Don’t prevaricate. Come on, love. Talk to me.”
She reached for his hand, slipped it through the oily water, and rested it on her belly. “What if I’m pregnant? You won’t be here for the birth.”
He was silent for a second, and then he blew out a breath. “What did I do to deserve you?”
That made her cry all the harder. Her sobs were loud in the quiet room. “Nothing. You’re wonderful. I don’t deserve you. Please, don’t leave me. Us . I know you have to go, but don’t…don’t think you’re going to leave us forever. Don’t think that way. I can’t stand it. Knowing you’re going over there believing…” She shook her head again. “Don’t. Please, don’t.”
“I should never have said anything,” he murmured, regret lacing his tone.
“Of course you should. I’m not a weakling, Luke. I don’t need protecting. But I can’t handle you thinking this is it. That when we say good-bye, it’s forever.” Her chest heaved at the thought, and she sat up. The water displaced, shooting over the sides of the tub. It was hard for her to breathe through the notion. Harder still not to panic. She clutched harder at his hand. “I-I…please, marry Josh. Do it for me.”
He frowned. “Why would that make you feel better?”
“I don’t know,” she bawled. “I think it would make you feel better, and sending you over there feeling more positive is what works for me. Luke, I love you so much. It kills me to think of you not being here at night with me, holding me while we sleep. Waking up Lexi together.
“I have to cope with nine months; I don’t have a choice. I know that, and I’m not… I don’t want to make you feel guilty for having to go. But it’s going to be hard. You don’t know how much.” Her mouth worked. “You have to come back. I can’t live without you.”
He sighed and pressed a kiss to the back of her slippery fingers. “You’re strong, and you have Josh and Lexi.”
“No!” she shrieked, pulling her hand away to slam it down against the water. More tumbled over the side, and this time it drenched Luke’s shirt. She did it again and again, each time yelling, “No!”
He grabbed her hand again, but she moved over to the other side of the large tub, away from him and his reach. “You’re doing it again. You’re thinking this is it.”
“I don’t know what I’m facing over there, Gia. I have to be realistic, and you do too.”
She stared at him. “I’m not strong. Not really. I have Josh and Lexi, yeah. But I need you. Don’t you understand that? You’re my strength. You.
“Tomorrow, when I go into that principal’s office, I’ll focus on you. I’ll think what would you say, what would you do. And then, I'll do it. I don’t always do it well, but I try. When I’m writing and I get stuck, I think, what would Lucas tell me to do? Then I do it. You’re my strength,” she repeated. “Don’t you see that? Can’t you see it?”
“I love you too.” The words were gravelly, filled with the force of his love for her.
She closed her eyes. “I need more than your love. I need your faith. You have to believe you’ll come back to me. For me.” She blinked, looking at him, piercing him with her regard.
For the first time, his hesitation was less pronounced. He nodded, slowly, but it was affirmative nonetheless. The sight of it made her
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