.”
***
Phoenix’s eyes
closed as the movie in her mind faded away. Her stomach churned as she
recalled the way Cedric had gathered his clothes, and called the girl he’d slept
with to come pick him up. Phoenix began twisting her engagement ring, the
one she had paid for, off her finger. She yanked it off and tossed it
behind her onto the floor. “I won’t need that anymore.”
She didn’t want
to turn her mind-movie back on, but the pictures in her mind forced their way
through.
***
Phoenix
advanced on Cedric as he walked around her apartment, still on the phone with
the girl, talking about her as if she wasn’t in the room. She had slapped
his face hard. “Still disrespecting me? Get off the phone
with that whore!”
Cedric
snapped the phone shut and shrugged. “Yeah, I tried to be your man, so it
ain’t my fault. I even tried to man up just now—”
“Man
up?” Phoenix gave a hollow laugh. “It’s too late to man up now! It’s
too late to hear my side of the story or help me now. I’ve already gotten
cheated on, already lost my fiancé who just told me he has to try to fall in
love with me because I am ugly. I already realize that because of how I
look, no one will ever love me. I see women out there treating men like
dirt. I watch my friend, Nic, go through dude after dude, using them for
cash and not lifting a finger to lift them up. But they allow her to do
it because she has a slim waist, because the only thing fat on her are her
butt, hips, and thighs. San treats her husband like one of the children,
bosses him around, chastises him in public, controls him. But he just
lowers his head and wags his tail because she’s pretty and he loves her for
that. I do everything in my power to treat you like a king and it’s
nothing because I don’t look good to you.”
In one
last attempt to retain his housing, Cedric grabbed her into a hug and pulled
her close. “I don’t want to leave. I don’t want to move out.
I want to stay here. I need to stay here…with you.”
Phoenix
froze in his arms, but his warmth started to melt the ice in her heart.
She collapsed against him like a rag doll. She needed to be held, even if
it was by the very person who had destroyed her.
For a
minute, Phoenix allowed her anger to fade as her softness curved against his
firm chest. She let her fingers trace the tattoos on his muscled
arms. She pulled back for a second to take in his handsome, brown face,
to peer into his hazel eyes, to trace his chiseled cheekbones with her
fingertips. She ran her fingers through his curly jet hair. She
sighed and wrapped her arms back around his neck. She pressed firmly
against him, squeezing her eyes shut, inhaling his cologne.
Why
did I ever think a man who looks like this could ever want me? God, I
can’t let him go. God help me. What should I do?
She did
not get an answer in her mind or heart. What she did get was the echo of
Cedric saying, “I need to be here…”
He was still trying to use her!
Phoenix
jerked away from him with a strength that was not her own and stared as
realization burned its way up from her stomach. “Yeah, I know.
You’re sorry. You’re willing to attempt to fall in love with me but I
have to lose weight. I get it. But no thanks. I may not be
beautiful, but I still have my mind. I can’t let you destroy it. I
counsel women who go through this every day and I refuse to become one of
them. I don’t want you here because you need me. I want you
here because you love me.”
Cedric
looked away, defeated that his last attempt failed. He realized that
there was no way to take back the truth he had tried to hide. He stood
and his face hardened with the same truth he had been hiding. “Yeah,
well, I’ve always been with you because I needed you. It’s what made it
bearable to get into this bed with you every night.”
Phoenix
pushed
***
Phoenix’s eyes
closed as the movie in her mind faded away. Her stomach churned as she
recalled the way Cedric had gathered his clothes, and called the girl he’d slept
with to come pick him up. Phoenix began twisting her engagement ring, the
one she had paid for, off her finger. She yanked it off and tossed it
behind her onto the floor. “I won’t need that anymore.”
She didn’t want
to turn her mind-movie back on, but the pictures in her mind forced their way
through.
***
Phoenix
advanced on Cedric as he walked around her apartment, still on the phone with
the girl, talking about her as if she wasn’t in the room. She had slapped
his face hard. “Still disrespecting me? Get off the phone
with that whore!”
Cedric
snapped the phone shut and shrugged. “Yeah, I tried to be your man, so it
ain’t my fault. I even tried to man up just now—”
“Man
up?” Phoenix gave a hollow laugh. “It’s too late to man up now! It’s
too late to hear my side of the story or help me now. I’ve already gotten
cheated on, already lost my fiancé who just told me he has to try to fall in
love with me because I am ugly. I already realize that because of how I
look, no one will ever love me. I see women out there treating men like
dirt. I watch my friend, Nic, go through dude after dude, using them for
cash and not lifting a finger to lift them up. But they allow her to do
it because she has a slim waist, because the only thing fat on her are her
butt, hips, and thighs. San treats her husband like one of the children,
bosses him around, chastises him in public, controls him. But he just
lowers his head and wags his tail because she’s pretty and he loves her for
that. I do everything in my power to treat you like a king and it’s
nothing because I don’t look good to you.”
In one
last attempt to retain his housing, Cedric grabbed her into a hug and pulled
her close. “I don’t want to leave. I don’t want to move out.
I want to stay here. I need to stay here…with you.”
Phoenix
froze in his arms, but his warmth started to melt the ice in her heart.
She collapsed against him like a rag doll. She needed to be held, even if
it was by the very person who had destroyed her.
For a
minute, Phoenix allowed her anger to fade as her softness curved against his
firm chest. She let her fingers trace the tattoos on his muscled
arms. She pulled back for a second to take in his handsome, brown face,
to peer into his hazel eyes, to trace his chiseled cheekbones with her
fingertips. She ran her fingers through his curly jet hair. She
sighed and wrapped her arms back around his neck. She pressed firmly
against him, squeezing her eyes shut, inhaling his cologne.
Why
did I ever think a man who looks like this could ever want me? God, I
can’t let him go. God help me. What should I do?
She did
not get an answer in her mind or heart. What she did get was the echo of
Cedric saying, “I need to be here…”
He was still trying to use her!
Phoenix
jerked away from him with a strength that was not her own and stared as
realization burned its way up from her stomach. “Yeah, I know.
You’re sorry. You’re willing to attempt to fall in love with me but I
have to lose weight. I get it. But no thanks. I may not be
beautiful, but I still have my mind. I can’t let you destroy it. I
counsel women who go through this every day and I refuse to become one of
them. I don’t want you here because you need me. I want you
here because you love me.”
Cedric
looked away, defeated that his last attempt failed. He realized that
there was no way to take back the truth he had tried to hide. He stood
and his face hardened with the same truth he had been hiding. “Yeah,
well, I’ve always been with you because I needed you. It’s what made it
bearable to get into this bed with you every night.”
Phoenix
pushed
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