The Mammoth Book of Erotica presents The Best of Marilyn Jaye Lewis by Marilyn Jaye Lewis Page A

“Thank you for thinking of it.”
    “I just wanted to make sure you knew that I wasn’t
totally
self-centered. I know I’ve seemed like it lately.”
    “It’s not that, Connor. I don’t think of you as self-centered.”
    “As what, then – afraid? Is that how you think of me?”
    “Yes, maybe a little afraid.” She was quick to add, “But that’s okay.”
    “It’s okay because I’m a man, you mean? We’re all afraid of having children?”
    “No, I didn’t say that.”
    “Then it’s not the children we’re afraid of, per se –” Connor drove east on Fullerton Way, past the old filling station that was now called Rosie’s Bar & Grille. “It’s the
cost
of children, the permanence, the un-ending responsibility of them; that’s what we men are afraid of, right?”
    Kaylie looked away from him and made sure not to sigh. Sighing usually made Connor feel guilty and then this never-changing discussion they seemed to have almost daily now would morph into an argument and Kaylie didn’t want that, least of all today when he was trying so hard to be a good egg about everything.
    “You’re allowed to respond, you know, Kaylie; you don’t have to sit there and just stare out the window. We can talk about this, can’t we, without getting into a fight?”
    It was such a loaded topic that Kaylie couldn’t help herself now, she sighed.
    “What?” he said, sounding exasperated already. “I know you want to have a baby.”
    She looked at him. “
We
want to have one.”
    “Right.
We
want to have one. Just not –” Connor caught himself before he said it but it was too late.
    “Just not now.” Kaylie finished his thought for him.
    “I didn’t say that.”
    “What are you saying then, Connor? Just tell me.”
    “I’m thinking about it. That’s all.”
    Kaylie thought this was either very promising news; that he was seriously thinking about it, about being agreeable, finally, and trying to make a baby with her. Or it was merely another stall tactic. She decided to think positive and leave well enough alone for now. No reason to push him if he was indeed trying to be agreeable. “Thanks, Connor,” she said. And she thought it would be best to change the subject for a while. “So how are the NY Rangers ranked right now?”
    “Third.”
    “Wow. This should be a good game.”
    “It sure will,” Connor agreed. “I’m excited.” At the flashing yellow traffic light, he veered left, toward 611 and the Delaware River; it would be the river and trees and then pastoral foothills from here on out, and all of it, except the madly rushing river, was frosted with a light layer of still-white, two-day-old snow.
    Kaylie loved snow, and she loved taking the scenic route anywhere. She hated freeways. She especially loved taking 611, following the bends in the river. In the early days of their marriage, she and Connor used to take a lot of drives along the Delaware, stopping for picnics or to take hikes along the old canal. They hadn’t done anything like that in a long while. Now, seeing it all dusted with snow made Kaylie’s heart happy; her perspective freshened on everything. And it brought back memories, to boot.
    “Remember that time—” she began.
    Connor cut her off. “Yes,” he said, smiling. “I do.”
    She smiled back at him. She was feeling her hormones stirring but she didn’t want to say anything about it. She was ovulating; it would be sure to lead to a huge argument as soon as he found out. Better to change the subject again, but she didn’t feel like talking about hockey. She wanted to have a baby. In all honesty, it was all she thought about anymore.
    Not privy to his wife’s thought processes Connor was still on the topic of memories. “We were pretty bold that day, weren’t we? I mean, even for us.”
    “I guess so,” Kaylie replied distractedly.
    “You
guess
so? Jesus, Kay, that’s understating it. You know, I think about that day from time to time and I still get off on