But you see, if you only knew …”
She had thrown her arms around him. Her face was pressed against his chest. Her hair was touching his cheek. In the light from the table lamp he could see the grey hairs at her temple, flat, dull, dead. Her body was warm and yielding against his. Incredulously, he thought: She still thinks I’m attracted to her. And then, without any warning, as his body revolted from hers, he felt the pity flooding back.
“John,” she said, “please listen.”
“I’m listening.”
“You’ve got to listen. We can’t stay here anymore. Don’t take the job. If you really don’t want to, don’t take it. But we can’t stay here. We’ve got to leave. We’ve got to go somewhere else.”
She raised her head. Her face, with the puffy swelling under the eye, was only a few inches from his own.
“It’s Steve,” she whispered. “Steve Ritter.”
“Steve?” he said blankly, without a clue.
“Oh, I wanted to tell you. A dozen times. John will be able to help me, I said. But I couldn’t. I was too ashamed. I …”
“Linda.”
“I didn’t want it to happen.” She was still looking straight into his eyes with a wild, desperate abandon. “I swear I didn’t. You know that. You know it’s only you I love. But all the time, when you were away, when you were out with the kids, he’d come. I told him. I told him I didn’t want him. But it—it was like something too strong for me. He … Even today,” she said, “when I came back from Pittsfield he was waiting. And, before you came back …” She dropped her face against his chest. “It's like a disease. It’s … You thought I’d been upstairs taking a shower and that he … oh, John, you’ve got to get me away from here. Mrs. Ritter will find out. You know how she’s always suspicious of him. She’ll find out. They’ll all find out. Oh, please, help me.”
Steve Ritter! The image of Buck’s father swaggered through his mind, the blue jeans hanging low on the lean hips, the brash blue eyes watching him with their special quality of sardonic amusement. So Steve Ritter … And then, almost before the anger, the humiliation, the disgust, came the thought: I saw her car pass when I was with the kids and I went straight home. I got here less than ten minutes after her. She’s lying. This is just another device. Since all the others failed, she’s been bright enough and mad enough to invent this.
He began, “But, Linda …”
Then he stopped. What about the gold bracelet she’d been wearing that afternoon, the bracelet he’d never seen before and which she’d slipped off her wrist the moment she realized he was in the room? Had Steve given her that? And if he had… No, don’t go into it now. What was the use? Perhaps it was a lie; perhaps it wasn’t. It didn’t really matter anymore, not now, because he knew what he had to do. At last she had forced him beyond pity, beyond crippling indecisiveness into action.
He drew her away from him and guided her to a chair where she sat down meekly, her face covered in her hands.
“Okay,” he said. “I’ll tell you what I’ll do.”
“Yes,” she said. “Yes.”
“I’ll go to New York tomorrow. I’ll talk to Charlie Raines. I’ll turn down the job and then I’ll go see Bill MacAllister.”
She looked up quickly. “No. No, John, no.”
“I’ll tell him the whole story. And then either he’ll recommend a good psychiatrist around here or”—he couldn’t bring out: If you’re not lying about Steve—“or we’ll move to New York and Bill can help you himself. Those are my terms. If you don’t like them—you can get the hell out of here. You can work out your own problems in your own way.”
The panic still showed on her face but there was also a look of incredulity too, as if she couldn’t believe he’d said what he’d said, that the idea of the worm turning was beyond the reach of her imagination.
“But,
She had thrown her arms around him. Her face was pressed against his chest. Her hair was touching his cheek. In the light from the table lamp he could see the grey hairs at her temple, flat, dull, dead. Her body was warm and yielding against his. Incredulously, he thought: She still thinks I’m attracted to her. And then, without any warning, as his body revolted from hers, he felt the pity flooding back.
“John,” she said, “please listen.”
“I’m listening.”
“You’ve got to listen. We can’t stay here anymore. Don’t take the job. If you really don’t want to, don’t take it. But we can’t stay here. We’ve got to leave. We’ve got to go somewhere else.”
She raised her head. Her face, with the puffy swelling under the eye, was only a few inches from his own.
“It’s Steve,” she whispered. “Steve Ritter.”
“Steve?” he said blankly, without a clue.
“Oh, I wanted to tell you. A dozen times. John will be able to help me, I said. But I couldn’t. I was too ashamed. I …”
“Linda.”
“I didn’t want it to happen.” She was still looking straight into his eyes with a wild, desperate abandon. “I swear I didn’t. You know that. You know it’s only you I love. But all the time, when you were away, when you were out with the kids, he’d come. I told him. I told him I didn’t want him. But it—it was like something too strong for me. He … Even today,” she said, “when I came back from Pittsfield he was waiting. And, before you came back …” She dropped her face against his chest. “It's like a disease. It’s … You thought I’d been upstairs taking a shower and that he … oh, John, you’ve got to get me away from here. Mrs. Ritter will find out. You know how she’s always suspicious of him. She’ll find out. They’ll all find out. Oh, please, help me.”
Steve Ritter! The image of Buck’s father swaggered through his mind, the blue jeans hanging low on the lean hips, the brash blue eyes watching him with their special quality of sardonic amusement. So Steve Ritter … And then, almost before the anger, the humiliation, the disgust, came the thought: I saw her car pass when I was with the kids and I went straight home. I got here less than ten minutes after her. She’s lying. This is just another device. Since all the others failed, she’s been bright enough and mad enough to invent this.
He began, “But, Linda …”
Then he stopped. What about the gold bracelet she’d been wearing that afternoon, the bracelet he’d never seen before and which she’d slipped off her wrist the moment she realized he was in the room? Had Steve given her that? And if he had… No, don’t go into it now. What was the use? Perhaps it was a lie; perhaps it wasn’t. It didn’t really matter anymore, not now, because he knew what he had to do. At last she had forced him beyond pity, beyond crippling indecisiveness into action.
He drew her away from him and guided her to a chair where she sat down meekly, her face covered in her hands.
“Okay,” he said. “I’ll tell you what I’ll do.”
“Yes,” she said. “Yes.”
“I’ll go to New York tomorrow. I’ll talk to Charlie Raines. I’ll turn down the job and then I’ll go see Bill MacAllister.”
She looked up quickly. “No. No, John, no.”
“I’ll tell him the whole story. And then either he’ll recommend a good psychiatrist around here or”—he couldn’t bring out: If you’re not lying about Steve—“or we’ll move to New York and Bill can help you himself. Those are my terms. If you don’t like them—you can get the hell out of here. You can work out your own problems in your own way.”
The panic still showed on her face but there was also a look of incredulity too, as if she couldn’t believe he’d said what he’d said, that the idea of the worm turning was beyond the reach of her imagination.
“But,
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