many sad thoughts that she couldnât shake off. Of babies she ached to hold. Of Davidâs face as heâd stood there at the end of her bed. Of how much sheâd missed him over the last year and of how unbridgeable that gap between them was. Especially now.
How ironic that he should have been there when the babies were born.
How unfair!
Intending to go into the kitchen to make a cup of tea, Anne had to pause before she got more than a step or two. She had to reach out and grasp the back of the armchair as a wave of dizziness threatened to make her knees buckle.
Oh⦠God !
Blindly, thanks to a fresh spurt of tears, she felt her way back to a sitting position and then buried her face in her hands with a groan of despair.
What was wrong with her? She was a doctor, for heavenâs sake. She should be able to figure out what was happening here and then do something about it.
What was the main problem?
Her breasts hurt. They were as hard as rocks and aching so much she couldnât bear to wear a bra despite knowing that the support might help. She had taken some anti-inflammatories and had tried an ice-pack earlier today but neither remedy had helped much. Maybe sheshould try that old wivesâ treatment of cabbage leaves or something. Another dose of drugs, anyway.
What else? She felt hot, which could be because her armchair was in front of a window in direct sunlight she hadnât been aware of. She also felt faintly nauseated but when had she last had something to eat? It was probably lunchtime by now. A glance at her watch startled her. It was well into the afternoon. Where had all those hours gone? Hard to feel hungry when her belly hurt as though she was in the middle of a particularly heavy period. This amount of discomfort had also been unexpected but her postnatal bleeding hadnât been heavy enough to be a concern.
The main problem was something that was simply making everything else seem worse. The fact that she was alone. That it was day three after giving birth and, while she might have been prepared for the so called âbaby bluesâ, she hadnât realised how hard it would be to deal with them alone.
She could ring Julia but sheâd probably burst into tears on the phone and that would worry her sister. What if she heard the babies crying in the background and was unable to get any words out at all? Julia would dispatch Mac to find out what was wrong and he would probably insist on staying or taking her home with him so that she could have company and be looked after.
And that wasnât part of the plan they had stuck to so well so far.
She had gone to visit after her discharge from the emergency department. She had been able to admire the sleeping infants and be as delighted as Julia and Macthat the feeding was going well and they would all be able to go home later that day. She hadnât touched the babies because she needed to create some distance. Not for ever. Just for as long as it took for her hormones to settle down a bit.
And that was all this was all about. Baby blues. Hormones. It was a form of depression and the best treatment was distraction. Physical exercise.
Pleased with her clinical assessment, Anne tried to stand up again. This time her head felt fine. Sheâd just been sitting still for too long. She hadnât been eating enough. What she needed to do was get a grip and ride this out and in a day or two she would be feeling much better. What on earth had she been thinking, letting herself just sit around latching onto sad things to dwell on?
She had so much to look forward to, didnât she? Being an aunt to the two most beautiful babies in the universe. Time away from work to do something that she would loveâlike spending time in a clinical facility that was achieving results she admired tremendously. And right now she could go out and enjoy this gorgeous day. It wasnât too late to feel the warmth of sun on her skin. To get
How ironic that he should have been there when the babies were born.
How unfair!
Intending to go into the kitchen to make a cup of tea, Anne had to pause before she got more than a step or two. She had to reach out and grasp the back of the armchair as a wave of dizziness threatened to make her knees buckle.
Oh⦠God !
Blindly, thanks to a fresh spurt of tears, she felt her way back to a sitting position and then buried her face in her hands with a groan of despair.
What was wrong with her? She was a doctor, for heavenâs sake. She should be able to figure out what was happening here and then do something about it.
What was the main problem?
Her breasts hurt. They were as hard as rocks and aching so much she couldnât bear to wear a bra despite knowing that the support might help. She had taken some anti-inflammatories and had tried an ice-pack earlier today but neither remedy had helped much. Maybe sheshould try that old wivesâ treatment of cabbage leaves or something. Another dose of drugs, anyway.
What else? She felt hot, which could be because her armchair was in front of a window in direct sunlight she hadnât been aware of. She also felt faintly nauseated but when had she last had something to eat? It was probably lunchtime by now. A glance at her watch startled her. It was well into the afternoon. Where had all those hours gone? Hard to feel hungry when her belly hurt as though she was in the middle of a particularly heavy period. This amount of discomfort had also been unexpected but her postnatal bleeding hadnât been heavy enough to be a concern.
The main problem was something that was simply making everything else seem worse. The fact that she was alone. That it was day three after giving birth and, while she might have been prepared for the so called âbaby bluesâ, she hadnât realised how hard it would be to deal with them alone.
She could ring Julia but sheâd probably burst into tears on the phone and that would worry her sister. What if she heard the babies crying in the background and was unable to get any words out at all? Julia would dispatch Mac to find out what was wrong and he would probably insist on staying or taking her home with him so that she could have company and be looked after.
And that wasnât part of the plan they had stuck to so well so far.
She had gone to visit after her discharge from the emergency department. She had been able to admire the sleeping infants and be as delighted as Julia and Macthat the feeding was going well and they would all be able to go home later that day. She hadnât touched the babies because she needed to create some distance. Not for ever. Just for as long as it took for her hormones to settle down a bit.
And that was all this was all about. Baby blues. Hormones. It was a form of depression and the best treatment was distraction. Physical exercise.
Pleased with her clinical assessment, Anne tried to stand up again. This time her head felt fine. Sheâd just been sitting still for too long. She hadnât been eating enough. What she needed to do was get a grip and ride this out and in a day or two she would be feeling much better. What on earth had she been thinking, letting herself just sit around latching onto sad things to dwell on?
She had so much to look forward to, didnât she? Being an aunt to the two most beautiful babies in the universe. Time away from work to do something that she would loveâlike spending time in a clinical facility that was achieving results she admired tremendously. And right now she could go out and enjoy this gorgeous day. It wasnât too late to feel the warmth of sun on her skin. To get
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