sheâd been different before he brought Gabe home in a pine box, but then, they all had. Gabeâs going left a hole in the fabric of what it meant to be a McKettrick, and not a tidy one, stitched at the edges. Rather, it was a jagged tear, and judging by the raw newness of his own grief, Doss had little hope of it ever mending.
Time heals, his mother had told him after theyâd laid Gabe in the ground up there on the hill, with his Grandpa Angus and those that had passed after him, but sheâd had tears in her eyes as she said it. As for his pa, well, heâd stood a long time by the grave. Stood there until Rafe and Kade and Jeb brought him away.
Doss thrust out a sigh, remembering. âGabe,â he said, under his breath, âHannah says itâs wrong of me, but I still wish it had been me instead of you.â
Heâd have given anything for an answer, but wherever Gabe was, he was busy doing other things. Maybe they had fishing holes up there in the sky, or cattle to round up and drive to market.
âTake care of Hannah and my boy,â Gabe had told him, in that army infirmary, when they both knew there would be no turning the illness around. âPromise me, Doss.â
Doss had swallowed hard and made that promise, but it was a hard one to keep. Hannah didnât seem to want taking care of, and every morning when Doss woke up,he was afraid this would be the day sheâd decide to go back to her own people, up in Montana, and stay gone for good.
The back door opened, startling Doss out of his musings. He hesitated for a moment, then tramped in the direction of the barn, trying to look like a man bent on a purpose.
Hannah caught up, bundled into a shawl and carrying a lighted lantern in one hand.
âI think Iâm going mad,â she blurted out.
Doss stopped, looked down at her in puzzled concern. âItâs the grief, Hannah,â he told her gruffly. âIt will pass.â
âYou donât believe that any more than I do,â Hannah challenged, catching up with herself. The snow was deep and getting deeper, and the wind bit straight through to the marrow.
Doss moved to the windward side, to be a buffer for her. âIâve got to believe it,â he said. âFeeling this bad forever doesnât bear thinking about.â
âI put the teapot away,â Hannah said, her breath coming in puffs of white, âI know I put it away. But I must have gotten it out again, without knowing or remembering, and that scares me, Doss. That really scares me.â
They reached the barn. Doss took the lantern from her and hauled open one of the big doors one-handed. It wasnât easy, since the snow had drifted, even in the short time since heâd left off feeding and watering the horses and the milk cow and that cussed mule Seesaw. The critter was a son of Dossâs motherâs mule, whoâd borne the same name, and he was a son of something else, too.
âMaybe youâre a mite forgetful these days,â Doss said, once heâd gotten her inside, out of the cold. The familiar smells and sounds of the darkened barn were a solaceto himâhe came there often, even when he didnât have work to do, which was seldom. On a ranch, there was always work to doâwood to chop, harnesses to mend, animals to look after. âThat doesnât mean youâre not sane, Hannah.â
Donât say it, he pleaded silently. Donât say you might as well take Tobias and head for Montana.
It was a selfish thought, Doss knew. In Montana, Hannah could live a city life again. No riding a mule five miles to fetch the mail. No breaking the ice on the water troughs on winter mornings, so the cattle and horses could drink. No feeding chickens and dressing like a man.
If Hannah left the Triple M, Doss didnât know what heâd do. First and foremost, heâd have to break his promise to Gabe, by default if not directly, but there was
Piper Vaughn, M.J. O'Shea