The Ministry of SUITs by Paul Gamble Page B

of Liberty poses. They had never felt so dignified before.
    They had thanked Jack for his invention and had opened the doors for him.
    Jack walked through the enormous doors and into a large white room. It looked like a cross between an old-fashioned bank and a Greek temple. The floor was made out of white marble, and fluted columns were placed around its edges. In the center of the room Grey stood, smiling. “Congratulations, Jack! You made it through the interview.”
    â€œThat was an interview?”
    â€œWell, of course, I mean we wouldn’t let just anyone join the Ministry of Strange, Unusual, and Impossible Things.”
    â€œThe what?” asked Jack.
    â€œThe Ministry of Strange, Unusual, and Impossible Things. That’s who I work for. I knew you were a smart lad when I met you earlier, so that’s why I offered you a job. You figured out that we were based in the museum?”
    â€œWell, yeah. Where else would you get a bear and a lion in the same place? But what I don’t understand is that the animals in the museums are stuffed. And that bear we saw the other day was most definitely alive.”
    â€œYes, it was,” said Grey, smiling. “But all the animals in museums are alive. None of them are actually stuffed.”
    Jack was stupefied. He had just walked through the museum and had seen a dozen animals standing stock-still. Could Grey be telling the truth?
    â€œThink about it, Jack. How could you stuff an animal? It would be full of cotton wool or sawdust. That would never stand up, never mind look as lifelike as museum animals do. So we don’t stuff animals; we use real animals.”
    â€œBut why don’t they move around and escape, then?”
    â€œWell, before we bring them in we teach them to play musical statues. You know the game where you’re allowed to move when the music is playing, but you have to stand still when the music stops.”
    Jack remembered the game from birthday parties when he was little. “And it’s as simple as that?”
    â€œAnimals are very competitive. So they all remain still when there isn’t any music. That’s why museums are the one place that never has any background music—unlike restaurants or supermarkets.”
    â€œSo how did the bear escape today, then?”
    â€œThat was annoying. Someone came into the museum with their phone turned on. It had a Katy Perry ringtone 27 and when that started playing the bear stopped pretending to be a statue. It bolted out of the museum and I was sent to recapture it.”
    â€œDo the animals ever get to move?”
    Grey nodded. “Oh, yes, we play music for a few hours throughout the night, let them stretch their legs, get a bite to eat, and so forth. We only make sure that it’s turned off during the day when there are visitors in the museum.”
    â€œThat makes sense,” said Jack, even though it didn’t. “Anyway, here I am—and I’ve got a mystery that I need to solve. I thought you might be able to help me.…”
    â€œHold your metaphorical horses, Jack—before we could even think about helping you with a mystery, you’d have to be actually employed by the Ministry.”
    Jack shook his head. “I just came here to try and find out exactly what was going on—I think odd kids are being kidnapped from my school. And that means my friend David could be in danger. I need answers.”
    Grey rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “Well, if you want answers, what are your questions?”
    Jack started trying to think of a question. “Who is … Is there a … Why am I … This morning there was a shoe and…” He quickly gave up. “Look, I just want to know what’s going on. That’s it—What’s going on?”
    â€œAha!” said Grey, waving his umbrella. “That’s the question, isn’t it? And I have an answer to that.”
    â€œOh,