The Miss Fortune Series: Nearly Departed (Kindle Worlds Novella) by Shari Hearn

around, “you don’t have to park outside our
houses. We’re fine. If we notice anything out of the ordinary, we’ll give you a
call.”
    “I’m going
to hold you to that.”
    Of course,
we expected the unordinary, so anything to us was ordinary. “Promise.”
    He nodded.
“Just stay out of the sleuthing business. For once let me do my job.”
    I knew he
was frustrated at our continual interference with his police work. The problem
was, his position as deputy meant he had to do things by the book. Ida Belle,
Gertie and I didn’t have his restrictions. And time wasn’t on our side. Not
with a potential killer gunning for Gertie and the possibility of the ATF getting
involved and discovering my true identity. I needed to get into the Swamp Bar
and do some snooping around without anyone noticing me.
    I watched
as Carter wheeled Cookie down the street. Suddenly the idea came to me. And I
thought it was a good one. I broke out in a run back to Ida Belle’s house.
Smiling all the way.
    “You want
to go to the Swamp Bar dressed as who?” Gertie asked after I burst inside and
revealed my plan.
    Ida Belle
shook her head. “No one will ever buy you as that old relic.” She got up from
the table and went into the kitchen for more coffee.
    “Why not?”
I asked, following her. “Gertie has all those old lady getups in her hidden
storage closet. People are used to seeing Cookie in the Swamp Bar. They know
they can say anything in front of her and she won’t hear it. I can go tomorrow
night.”
    Gertie came
in with her coffee mug, holding it out for Ida Belle to fill. “Cookie goes on
Tuesdays and Fridays. It would be unusual for her to show up on a Thursday
night.”
    I shrugged.
“I’ll just make up some story about being really thirsty or something.”
    Ida Belle
filled Gertie’s mug. Shook her head. “I don’t like it.”
    “All I need
is the right makeup and a motorized wheelchair. If Fred’s inside and makes a
slipup, I’ll be sitting right next to him to hear it. I bet I could even lift
one of Fred’s glasses to get a print. And no one would even notice.”
    I could
tell by Gertie’s smile my idea was winning her over. “I think it could work.”
    “How are we
going to make Fortune look like Cookie? It’s not like the old-lady disguises we
used to put on back when we were younger. The people at the Swamp Bar already
know Cookie.”
    “You said
people just ignore seniors.”
    Ida Belle
nodded. “Most of them, yes, but there are a few people at the Swamp Bar who
actually look out for Cookie. If one of them’s inside tomorrow night and can
tell you’re a fraud, it’s all over.”
    “Then we
have to make sure she’s a dead ringer for Cookie,” Gertie said, smiling. “And I
know just the person who can make that happen.”

CHAPTER FIVE
     
     
    “What?” I screamed into my vanity
mirror, scrunching my face as if I had stepped in a pile of dog poop.
    I reached
over to my laptop and pressed play on one of the downloaded videos of
Gertie’s funeral. On the video Cookie screamed “What?” to her daughter, Delphine,
her face scrunched like… well, like she had rolled her wheelchair through dog
poop.
    “What?” I
screamed again.
    After four
hours of imitating Cookie, I had her voice and facial expressions down pat. Pretty
amazing, considering I had all of five hours of sleep the previous night and Cookie
was 72 years older than me. The old-lady clothes Gertie and Ida Belle gave me
helped, a pair of polyester slacks and a T-shirt with I Brake for Bingo
Games spelled out in sequins.
    You still
have it, Fortune, I thought, flashing my reflection a thumbs-up.
    The last
time I had this challenging a role was two years ago when I pretended to be a
Russian engineer in his thirties who was selling nuclear waste to an arms
dealer in Yemen. The one thing I hated about pretending to be a man was
wrapping my breasts flat against my chest, which wasn’t an issue in that
assignment because the Russian I was