Alexandra Iosifovna’s large white hair. She was wearing her black feathers again.
He put his hand on my elbow, gently pulling me from the crowd and leading me into a small empty sitting room. “I did not want our last conversation to end the way it did.”
“But you walked away first,” I pointed out.
“I was upset, Katiya,” he said with a sigh. “I did not want to make it worse by saying something we would both regret.”
“I already regret it, Georgi.” I wanted to be in his arms again so badly. “But I can’t change my mind. I won’t give up this chance to find a way to cure you.”
He looked at me incredulously, taking my hands in his. “Even if it means giving up on a normal life for us?”
“How normal would our life be if you are dying? I don’t want to lose you to whatever this wound is. And I can find a cure. I know I can.”
“Katiya, my love, I admire you for your dedication, but don’t you care about my feelings at all?” Looking steadily into my face, his blue eyes flashed silver. Then he frowned. “I see.”
He let go of my hands and stepped back. He’d seen a glimpseof my tangled and distressed thoughts. It did nothing to reassure him.
“You are afraid you might come to resent me if you give up your education. To hell with my father, Katiya. I’ll take you away from Russia myself. Wherever you want to go: Paris, Zurich, even London, if that’s what you want. They’ll probably disown me, and I’m afraid you wouldn’t be a grand duchess.”
“Georgi, how could you propose such a thing?” I wanted to cry. Again. The thought of him being cut off from his family because of me was horrifying. “Absolutely not.”
He shook his head, reading my thought. “I know you’re worried that I’d resent you. That is not going to happen.”
“How can you be so sure?” I whispered.
He brought my hands to his lips. “Trust me, Katiya. We’ll make a new life for just the two of us.”
The dinner bell sounded from down the hall. Another of Grand Duke Sergei’s perfectly regimented details. George sighed. “We’d better go in separately. Why don’t you go first?” He pulled me close and gave me the briefest kiss on my lips.
“We’ll talk again later.”
I walked to the dining room in a daze. I couldn’t let him throw his life away for me. How was I supposed to make him understand that? Or was he just calling my bluff, expecting me to give up my medical training instead? I sat down at my table, fury and frustration rising inside. I wished more than anything that I had the faerie sight and could read George’s thoughts, the way he could read mine.
The delicious food, fussed over so by the Grand Duke Sergei, tasted like sawdust. I was so miserable I could not even enjoy the excellent dove croquette. I avoided looking at George butnoticed the empress seated with Ella and Alix. Her eyes kept traveling toward my table. I felt her gaze upon me throughout the dinner.
I ate woodenly, smiling and making polite conversation with the guests on either side of me. I nodded when the elderly countess on my right spoke of the weather, and I smiled when the young officer on my left mentioned the latest ballet. My manners were perfect and imperial. My mother would have been pleased, even if the empress was not.
The weeks flew by, and summer turned to autumn. I continued to visit Dr. Badmaev, even though I knew the secret police followed me and reported my movements to the tsar. As long as I was not marrying his son, the tsar did not mind my unorthodox lessons.
I made progress in my studies, and soon the Tibetan doctor allowed me to examine patients in his clinic. He did not let me prescribe medicines, though, but quizzed me on my recommendations after the patient had left. My confidence grew as I learned more and more about diseases and supernatural afflictions. I could tell the difference between the bite of the upyri and that of a wolf. And I knew what would cure either one.
My grand
He put his hand on my elbow, gently pulling me from the crowd and leading me into a small empty sitting room. “I did not want our last conversation to end the way it did.”
“But you walked away first,” I pointed out.
“I was upset, Katiya,” he said with a sigh. “I did not want to make it worse by saying something we would both regret.”
“I already regret it, Georgi.” I wanted to be in his arms again so badly. “But I can’t change my mind. I won’t give up this chance to find a way to cure you.”
He looked at me incredulously, taking my hands in his. “Even if it means giving up on a normal life for us?”
“How normal would our life be if you are dying? I don’t want to lose you to whatever this wound is. And I can find a cure. I know I can.”
“Katiya, my love, I admire you for your dedication, but don’t you care about my feelings at all?” Looking steadily into my face, his blue eyes flashed silver. Then he frowned. “I see.”
He let go of my hands and stepped back. He’d seen a glimpseof my tangled and distressed thoughts. It did nothing to reassure him.
“You are afraid you might come to resent me if you give up your education. To hell with my father, Katiya. I’ll take you away from Russia myself. Wherever you want to go: Paris, Zurich, even London, if that’s what you want. They’ll probably disown me, and I’m afraid you wouldn’t be a grand duchess.”
“Georgi, how could you propose such a thing?” I wanted to cry. Again. The thought of him being cut off from his family because of me was horrifying. “Absolutely not.”
He shook his head, reading my thought. “I know you’re worried that I’d resent you. That is not going to happen.”
“How can you be so sure?” I whispered.
He brought my hands to his lips. “Trust me, Katiya. We’ll make a new life for just the two of us.”
The dinner bell sounded from down the hall. Another of Grand Duke Sergei’s perfectly regimented details. George sighed. “We’d better go in separately. Why don’t you go first?” He pulled me close and gave me the briefest kiss on my lips.
“We’ll talk again later.”
I walked to the dining room in a daze. I couldn’t let him throw his life away for me. How was I supposed to make him understand that? Or was he just calling my bluff, expecting me to give up my medical training instead? I sat down at my table, fury and frustration rising inside. I wished more than anything that I had the faerie sight and could read George’s thoughts, the way he could read mine.
The delicious food, fussed over so by the Grand Duke Sergei, tasted like sawdust. I was so miserable I could not even enjoy the excellent dove croquette. I avoided looking at George butnoticed the empress seated with Ella and Alix. Her eyes kept traveling toward my table. I felt her gaze upon me throughout the dinner.
I ate woodenly, smiling and making polite conversation with the guests on either side of me. I nodded when the elderly countess on my right spoke of the weather, and I smiled when the young officer on my left mentioned the latest ballet. My manners were perfect and imperial. My mother would have been pleased, even if the empress was not.
The weeks flew by, and summer turned to autumn. I continued to visit Dr. Badmaev, even though I knew the secret police followed me and reported my movements to the tsar. As long as I was not marrying his son, the tsar did not mind my unorthodox lessons.
I made progress in my studies, and soon the Tibetan doctor allowed me to examine patients in his clinic. He did not let me prescribe medicines, though, but quizzed me on my recommendations after the patient had left. My confidence grew as I learned more and more about diseases and supernatural afflictions. I could tell the difference between the bite of the upyri and that of a wolf. And I knew what would cure either one.
My grand
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