least. “Why?”
“I don’t know ,
because I’m a bitch. Because I don’t know what I’m doing with myself anymore.”
I couldn’t tell him it was because I was bored, or because he didn’t satisfy
me, even if Luke probably knew that. It would be fair. “Just please, go away.”
And he did. He
left me standing there in despair, his own horror at my revelation preventing
him standing by me any longer. I couldn’t blame him and it was what I wanted.
I swiped at my
eyes, knowing I was smudging my make-up, and slipped off my shoes. I didn’t
know whether walking half an hour on the pavement barefoot or in these shoes
was going to do more damage to my feet, but at least taking the shoes of now
offered some instant release.
I needed to figure
out what I was going to tell my mother.
She was going to
be devastated.
My parents were
approaching their thirtieth year of being married and they’d always been so
happy. Never an argument, never a falling out. There was a chance it happened
behind closed doors, but as far as I was concerned, my parents were perfect.
They’d be together forever.
And now that was
ruined.
I wrapped my arms
so tight around myself that my nails dug into my stomach, but I didn’t mind the
pain. At least that was a distraction. I’d let Emma lose her virginity whilst
she was off her head, I’d cheated on my near-perfect boyfriend, and my parents
were divorcing.
When my phone
rang, I ignored it.
Mr. Lane wasn’t
something I needed in my life tonight, or at all. My attraction to him had
caused two disasters already and I wasn’t about to let it ruin anything else.
I’d rather fail one piece of coursework and go to a lesser university than fuck
up every relationship I had.
The cold was
tugging at me and my arms were beginning to feel numb. It was still February
and it wasn’t the kind of weather to be walking around in nothing but a skimpy
dress on. Even the alcohol wasn’t preventing me feeling the cold as well as
normal.
A car pulled up
beside me, but I ignored it. I was walking along a main road, of course people
would be getting taxis home at this time of night.
A jacket was
draped across my shoulders and I slung it off automatically, a scream barely
being shoved down when I saw that Mr. Lane was the person responsible. He’d
gotten a taxi to drive along my route home to find out where I was. “What’s
happened?”
“My dad is
cheating on my mum and I broke up with my boyfriend.” My voice was emotionless,
the tears having dried up to be replaced by the numbness that was beginning to
take over my body at this point. There was nothing left.
Oscar didn’t touch
me. He just replaced the jacket around my shoulders and left me to walk on my
own. “I’m sorry. If you broke up-”
“Of course I broke
up with him because I fucked you. I cheated. I’m a cunt. That’s about all there
is to it. I’m as bad as my dad.”
“If I’d known you
had a boyfriend, I would have never proposed our deal, I just figured you were
single. I would have just given you the extension, I was going-”
“Yes, I know you
were going to revoke your offer, but I stopped you because I wanted to fuck
you. I’m a bad person, can we move on now, please. Just leave me alone. I want
to go home and think of how to tell my mum her marriage is over, if that’s okay
with you.”
Mr. Lane sighed
and looked tempted to embrace me, but he still resisted. “You’re not a bad
person, Lily. You’ve just made some mistakes and I don’t think I have the right
to judge you, anyway. Your parents will be fine, eventually. It’s just one of
those things that happens.”
I wanted to
scream. But why did one of those things have to happen to my parents.
Everything had always been so perfect with them. “I just wish I hadn’t seen.
Isn’t it awful, that I’d rather just not know, to let him continue to lie to my
mum like that, to
“I don’t know ,
because I’m a bitch. Because I don’t know what I’m doing with myself anymore.”
I couldn’t tell him it was because I was bored, or because he didn’t satisfy
me, even if Luke probably knew that. It would be fair. “Just please, go away.”
And he did. He
left me standing there in despair, his own horror at my revelation preventing
him standing by me any longer. I couldn’t blame him and it was what I wanted.
I swiped at my
eyes, knowing I was smudging my make-up, and slipped off my shoes. I didn’t
know whether walking half an hour on the pavement barefoot or in these shoes
was going to do more damage to my feet, but at least taking the shoes of now
offered some instant release.
I needed to figure
out what I was going to tell my mother.
She was going to
be devastated.
My parents were
approaching their thirtieth year of being married and they’d always been so
happy. Never an argument, never a falling out. There was a chance it happened
behind closed doors, but as far as I was concerned, my parents were perfect.
They’d be together forever.
And now that was
ruined.
I wrapped my arms
so tight around myself that my nails dug into my stomach, but I didn’t mind the
pain. At least that was a distraction. I’d let Emma lose her virginity whilst
she was off her head, I’d cheated on my near-perfect boyfriend, and my parents
were divorcing.
When my phone
rang, I ignored it.
Mr. Lane wasn’t
something I needed in my life tonight, or at all. My attraction to him had
caused two disasters already and I wasn’t about to let it ruin anything else.
I’d rather fail one piece of coursework and go to a lesser university than fuck
up every relationship I had.
The cold was
tugging at me and my arms were beginning to feel numb. It was still February
and it wasn’t the kind of weather to be walking around in nothing but a skimpy
dress on. Even the alcohol wasn’t preventing me feeling the cold as well as
normal.
A car pulled up
beside me, but I ignored it. I was walking along a main road, of course people
would be getting taxis home at this time of night.
A jacket was
draped across my shoulders and I slung it off automatically, a scream barely
being shoved down when I saw that Mr. Lane was the person responsible. He’d
gotten a taxi to drive along my route home to find out where I was. “What’s
happened?”
“My dad is
cheating on my mum and I broke up with my boyfriend.” My voice was emotionless,
the tears having dried up to be replaced by the numbness that was beginning to
take over my body at this point. There was nothing left.
Oscar didn’t touch
me. He just replaced the jacket around my shoulders and left me to walk on my
own. “I’m sorry. If you broke up-”
“Of course I broke
up with him because I fucked you. I cheated. I’m a cunt. That’s about all there
is to it. I’m as bad as my dad.”
“If I’d known you
had a boyfriend, I would have never proposed our deal, I just figured you were
single. I would have just given you the extension, I was going-”
“Yes, I know you
were going to revoke your offer, but I stopped you because I wanted to fuck
you. I’m a bad person, can we move on now, please. Just leave me alone. I want
to go home and think of how to tell my mum her marriage is over, if that’s okay
with you.”
Mr. Lane sighed
and looked tempted to embrace me, but he still resisted. “You’re not a bad
person, Lily. You’ve just made some mistakes and I don’t think I have the right
to judge you, anyway. Your parents will be fine, eventually. It’s just one of
those things that happens.”
I wanted to
scream. But why did one of those things have to happen to my parents.
Everything had always been so perfect with them. “I just wish I hadn’t seen.
Isn’t it awful, that I’d rather just not know, to let him continue to lie to my
mum like that, to
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