The (New and Improved) Loving Dominant by John Warren, Libby Warren

submission. It starts with two of us walking to the center of the scene or ritual space. My outer clothing is vanilla, and I have on a priest-like stole, a symbol of authority and power, that is rainbow-colored. This shows that we start out as equals. Pacabel’s Canon begins softly and slowly grows louder. As the music becomes manifest, I kneel down, bow and then take the stole and remove it from myself and place it on my lover.
    He motions me to take off my vanilla outer clothing, and I do. As a symbol of a willingness to become vulnerable, he puts cuffs on me, a symbol that I trust being helpless before him. Here, I would feel the fire. It might be real fire on skin or my skin reddened and warmed by the whip, symbolic of passion. Pachelbel’s Canon finishes, and Weber’s Music of the Night begins. This music by itself is symbolic of spiritual journey as it talks of letting fantasies unwind and letting the darker side give in. At this point, there is a waxing, symbolizing fire and light. The fire in the candle is symbolic of the fire in the soul, and the image of light coming into darkness is replete with symbolism.
    As the music crescendos, the lyrics ring out, “You alone can make my soul take flight. Help me make the music of the night.” We embrace and caress. This, to me, is symbolic of reaching heights in a journey that one could not reach alone. As the music dies down, we move apart. He takes off the stole and holds it out in front of him, draped over his hands. He bows. I return the bow, and, while my head is still submissively bent, he replaces the stole around me as a symbol of power returned. We again embrace and kiss as equals.
    While this BDSM ritual is in many ways reminiscent of liturgical dance, it does fit my own fantasies of being exposed and becoming known deeply and intimately by another so it is still a personal expression. When I think of a private scene, it seems like private prayer and as such is open to multitude of diverse expression.
    Submission as personal growth
    Being a submissive woman has taken me on a journey that has challenged my preconceived ideas, and it has forced me into values clarification. The life force or spirit within me has been strengthened, and continue to be guided by the spirit of Goddess/ God in every step of the journey. I have gone beyond pain and pleasure into a world of selfdiscovery, personal fulfillment and community outreach. I have discovered a side of me that is curious about my previously repressed bisexual nature and a receptivity to open relationships.
    At times, I have felt like Abraham in the Old Testament when he was asked to give back to God his son, who was to be the instrument of God’s promise. How could I give up the values of my youth or the hard-won advances of the feminists who have gone before me? Listening to that small voice within, I have been abundantly blessed, like Abraham was, when I trusted the spirit within rather than conventional wisdom. At other times, I’ve felt like I was an unwilling prophet like Noah or Paul. It has seemed that I have been compelled to be a prophet of a new sensuality as they were called to spread the word of God. My early faith development and refinement, even though it was in a very patriarchal religion, has taught me to live through questions. Being submissive may have put chains on my body, but it has removed my soul from bondage.

A Feast of Joy…A Dish of Pain
    One of the things that makes discussing BDSM so difficult is the word pain. Submissives don’t necessarily seek pain, even though many enjoy many forms of pain as part of the play. What many of us do would seem to be painful, but most dictionary definitions of pain include phrases like, “leading to evasive actions” or “which are avoided.” Yet, these stimuli, far from being avoided, are sought. Therefore, BDSM actions cannot be pain. Or, can they?
    This conundrum reminds me of a story about a politician, who being asked if he opposed liquor,