and I’ll be back to give it a go.”
The American says, “All right, but if you are not back in ten minutes, the bet is off.”
Sure enough, the Irishman returns exactly ten minutes later and says, “Set ’em up!”
The Irishman then proceeds to drink all twenty pints of Guinness, without stopping and without spilling a single drop.
Dumbfounded, the American hands over the hundred dollars and asks the Irishman, “To be honest, I didn’t think you could drink
them all. Tell me, where did you go for ten minutes?”
The Irishman burps and says, “I went to the pub across the street to see if I could do it!”
Evidently, the English tell Irish jokes, the Irish tell Scottish jokes, the Scottish tell Welsh jokes, and the Welsh say,
“What’s a joke?”
After a long journey, a German says, “I’m tired and thirsty, I must have a beer.”
A Frenchman says, “I’m tired and thirsty, I must have some wine.”
A Jewish man says, “Oy, I’m tired and thirsty, I must have diabetes!”
A doctor takes off his glasses, rubs his eyes, and says to his patient, “I have some bad news. You are dying of cancer. Now, I
can help you through this with counseling. I have a one o’clock tee time, why don’t you join me.”
They go to the golf course, and on the first tee the patient runs into a few guys he knows and he tells them he is dying of
AIDS. This goes on all afternoon, the patient telling everyone he knows that he is dying of AIDS.
Curious, the doctor asks, “Why are you telling everyone you are dying of AIDS when in fact you are dying of cancer?”
The guy looks at the doctor and in a low voice says, “I don’t want any of my friends sleeping with my wife after I die.”
What do you call eighty white guys
chasing one black guy?
The PGA Tour.
Why do Sicilians hate Jehovah’s Witnesses?
Are you kidding, Sicilians hate all witnesses!
What do you call an Italian
who mixes cement with a fork?
A mortar-forker.
Two kids are in a hospital, in surgical gowns, sitting on their gurneys. “What are you here for?” asks the first kid.
“I’m here to get my tonsils removed,” says the second kid.
“Don’t worry,” the first kid says. “I had my tonsils removed last year and you get all the ice cream you want!”
The second kid asks the first kid, “What are you here for?”
“I’m here for a circumcision,” says the first kid.
“Oh my God,” says the second kid. “I had that done when I was born! I didn’t walk for a year!”
Do you know about the twins from Spain,
Juan and Emmal?
If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Emmal.
Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse are standing before a judge in divorce court. The judge says to Mickey, “I don’t understand.
You want to divorce Minnie because she is crazy?”
“No,” says Mickey, “I’m divorcing her because she’s fucking Goofy!”
A New Yorker is driving in Northern Ireland and pulls into a gas station. He waits a few minutes and no one comes out, so he
beeps his horn. The door opens a little and a guy sticks his head out.
“How about some gas?” says the New Yorker.
“I’m sorry, there is no gas,” says the Irish attendant.
“Well, how about some oil?” says the New Yorker.
“No oil either, sorry,” says the attendant.
“How about putting some water in the radiator?” says the New Yorker, slightly perturbed.
“Sorry, no water,” says the attendant.
Now the New Yorker is pissed. “No gas, no oil, no water, what the hell are you here for?!”
“Well, actually,” says the attendant in a low voice, “this is a front for the IRA.”
The New Yorker looks at the attendant with disdain and says sarcastically, “Then why don’t you blow up my tires!”
What do you call a smart pig in Ireland?
A cunning ham.
A nine-year-old boy is walking down the street when he hears a voice say, “Pssst, hey you!” He looks down and sees a frog
on the sidewalk.
The frog says, “Kiss me now and I’ll turn into
The American says, “All right, but if you are not back in ten minutes, the bet is off.”
Sure enough, the Irishman returns exactly ten minutes later and says, “Set ’em up!”
The Irishman then proceeds to drink all twenty pints of Guinness, without stopping and without spilling a single drop.
Dumbfounded, the American hands over the hundred dollars and asks the Irishman, “To be honest, I didn’t think you could drink
them all. Tell me, where did you go for ten minutes?”
The Irishman burps and says, “I went to the pub across the street to see if I could do it!”
Evidently, the English tell Irish jokes, the Irish tell Scottish jokes, the Scottish tell Welsh jokes, and the Welsh say,
“What’s a joke?”
After a long journey, a German says, “I’m tired and thirsty, I must have a beer.”
A Frenchman says, “I’m tired and thirsty, I must have some wine.”
A Jewish man says, “Oy, I’m tired and thirsty, I must have diabetes!”
A doctor takes off his glasses, rubs his eyes, and says to his patient, “I have some bad news. You are dying of cancer. Now, I
can help you through this with counseling. I have a one o’clock tee time, why don’t you join me.”
They go to the golf course, and on the first tee the patient runs into a few guys he knows and he tells them he is dying of
AIDS. This goes on all afternoon, the patient telling everyone he knows that he is dying of AIDS.
Curious, the doctor asks, “Why are you telling everyone you are dying of AIDS when in fact you are dying of cancer?”
The guy looks at the doctor and in a low voice says, “I don’t want any of my friends sleeping with my wife after I die.”
What do you call eighty white guys
chasing one black guy?
The PGA Tour.
Why do Sicilians hate Jehovah’s Witnesses?
Are you kidding, Sicilians hate all witnesses!
What do you call an Italian
who mixes cement with a fork?
A mortar-forker.
Two kids are in a hospital, in surgical gowns, sitting on their gurneys. “What are you here for?” asks the first kid.
“I’m here to get my tonsils removed,” says the second kid.
“Don’t worry,” the first kid says. “I had my tonsils removed last year and you get all the ice cream you want!”
The second kid asks the first kid, “What are you here for?”
“I’m here for a circumcision,” says the first kid.
“Oh my God,” says the second kid. “I had that done when I was born! I didn’t walk for a year!”
Do you know about the twins from Spain,
Juan and Emmal?
If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Emmal.
Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse are standing before a judge in divorce court. The judge says to Mickey, “I don’t understand.
You want to divorce Minnie because she is crazy?”
“No,” says Mickey, “I’m divorcing her because she’s fucking Goofy!”
A New Yorker is driving in Northern Ireland and pulls into a gas station. He waits a few minutes and no one comes out, so he
beeps his horn. The door opens a little and a guy sticks his head out.
“How about some gas?” says the New Yorker.
“I’m sorry, there is no gas,” says the Irish attendant.
“Well, how about some oil?” says the New Yorker.
“No oil either, sorry,” says the attendant.
“How about putting some water in the radiator?” says the New Yorker, slightly perturbed.
“Sorry, no water,” says the attendant.
Now the New Yorker is pissed. “No gas, no oil, no water, what the hell are you here for?!”
“Well, actually,” says the attendant in a low voice, “this is a front for the IRA.”
The New Yorker looks at the attendant with disdain and says sarcastically, “Then why don’t you blow up my tires!”
What do you call a smart pig in Ireland?
A cunning ham.
A nine-year-old boy is walking down the street when he hears a voice say, “Pssst, hey you!” He looks down and sees a frog
on the sidewalk.
The frog says, “Kiss me now and I’ll turn into
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