The Novel Cure: From Abandonment to Zestlessness: 751 Books to Cure What Ails You

The Novel Cure: From Abandonment to Zestlessness: 751 Books to Cure What Ails You by Ella Berthoud, Susan Elderkin Page B

Book: The Novel Cure: From Abandonment to Zestlessness: 751 Books to Cure What Ails You by Ella Berthoud, Susan Elderkin Read Free Book Online
Authors: Ella Berthoud, Susan Elderkin
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the magnificent Prince Oroonoko, hero of a tale of betrayal, true love, and stoicism published in 1688.
    Prince Oroonoko, tall, proud, and strikingly regal, loves Imoinda. Sheloves him too—and marries him—but she is so beautiful that the King of Coramantien (present-day Ghana) falls in love with her as well and forces her to join his harem. She and Prince Oroonoko manage to escape together, but are caught and sold into slavery. Miraculously, they find each other, in Surinam, and even conceive a child, but their plea to return to their homeland is ignored. Abandoned and betrayed, they tackle head-on the political forces that keep them enslaved, and things go from bad to worse—and then to even worse still.
    No one has greater reason to be bitter than Oroonoko. Not only is his wife taken from him, but he is caught up in the terrible injustice of slavery. Right at the end, when all is lost, Oroonoko faces a final, horrific ordeal: the dismemberment of his limbs, one by one. But having recently discovered the consolation of the tobacco pipe, he bears the torture by calmly smoking, sanguine and pensive. We don’t recommend that you take up smoking. But we do recommend that you emulate Oroonoko’s ability to rise above life’s unfairness and live his life without a grudge.
    See also:
Anger • Cynicism • Hatred • Jealousy • Regret • Scars, emotional • Schadenfreude
BLOCKED, BEING
    See:
Constipation • Writer’s block
BLUSHING
    Lady: My Life as a Bitch
    MELVIN BURGESS
    B lushing is something we dread. Occurring when adrenalin generated by a rush of embarrassment makes the blood vessels just under the surface of the skin expand, it turns the visage a bright, unnatural crimson that nobody can fail to notice. We all suffer the horror of blushing as teenagers, and it can happen occasionally as adults (see: Shyness). But a few continue to suffer from it chronically through adulthood, to the point where it becomes a vicious circle—fearing the blush somuch that the fear creates it. * The truth is that blushing is something we respond to warmly; recent research has shown that those who blush are seen in a positive light by their peers. But if you feel that your blushing is a hindrance to your enjoyment of social situations, we prescribe one of Melvin Burgess’s unashamedly dirty teenage novels,
Lady: My Life as a Bitch
.
    Sandra Francy is a girl of seventeen who is seriously hot for boys. She’s been hanging around with a lot of them recently, loving every minute. But two pages in, she loses her feminine charms in a rather shocking way. It happens by accident. An “alchie” in the street whom she annoys by knocking over his beer calls her a “bitch.” Suddenly she’s down on all fours, baring her teeth at him, and when she runs away, she’s delighted by her unaccustomed speed. She has lived up to his accusation—not that she realizes it for a while. Wondering why her family keeps shouting at the mad dog that seems to be just behind her, she finally sees a mongrel in her bedroom mirror—and realizes it’s her.
    Burgess handles the weirdness of the situation with consummate skill. Sandra tries to speak to her parents, and they can half hear her trying to form words. She does her best to walk on her hind legs to show them she’s really human, and while they begin to believe her, they are still creeped out by the freak before them. Soon she finds herself out on the street.
    And so Sandra discovers the joys of canine fun. “Life at the edge tastes so sweet! It’s steal or starve, life or death . . . Glorious days!” She fluctuates between doggy hilarity, hunting cats in clever half-human ways, and trying to find a way back to humanity. When she sees the picture of her human self on a MISSING poster, she remembers her past and longs for home. But might she in fact be better off as a dog?
    Certainly a constant blusher might. Immerse yourself in the uninhibitedness of this novel. Get hairy. Lose that

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