crying!”
“You’re really not sad about him at all?” Hannah seemed mystified about the whole thing, but you couldn’t really blame her for that; she had been celibate her whole life and locked in a convent for almost a decade. She didn’t even have the benefit of having watched years and years of wildly unrealistic relationships on television like I had. But I could see her point, sort of. The situation did sound convoluted coming out of my mouth.
I sighed. “Of course I am. But mostly I’m so pissed off I could scream. He asked me out! He asked me ! And then he acted like I was just a stranger with some pathetic schoolgirl crush who he was letting down easy.”
“You seem really upset,” Hannah said. “Maybe you should go lie down. I can make you some tea?”
“I don’t want tea,” I said. “I just want this whole nightmare to be over.”
“What can I do?” Hannah asked, clearly bewildered by my melodrama. Mom was watching the two of us with rapt attention, as if we were exotic animals.
“Turn back time,” I said. “Give me a do-over of the last hour so I can dump Derek via email. Do you think God would do that for me?”
“Caro,” Mom said, using her scariest Voice of Steel. “You’re going to go to your room right now and collect yourself. Then you’re going to come out and apologize to Hannah.”
I turned toward Hannah and started to say I was sorry, but Mom interrupted me.
“Not now. When you’re really sorry.”
“It’s okay, she doesn’t have to,” Hannah said softly.
“No, it isn’t,” Mom told her sharply. “She has to learn to control herself and watch her mouth. We’re not your friends, Caro. You can’t talk to us like that.”
I shook my head at her and walked away, bursting into my room a few moments later and throwing myself onto the bed. My inability to hold a thought in my mind that I didn’t express got me in trouble a lot at home, but I’d never fought as much with my parents in one short period of time as I had in the past few days. Plus,I’d said that really shitty thing to Hannah, which even I knew was unfair. The only thing that would have made it worse was having to talk to someone about it, which was why I ignored two of Reb’s calls and one of Erin’s.
Unfortunately, they would not be put off. I got a text from Reb that said, “Pick up. Heard about you and Derek. How are you feeling?” and one from Erin saying, “I thought you were going to dump him first. What happened?” I texted Erin back with “He’s a quicker draw” and called Reb. I knew that at the very least, she would coddle me.
“I’m so sorry about this, Caro,” Reb said when she picked up the phone.
“How did you find out so quickly?” I asked.
“Erin. I think Derek might’ve told some people and it got back to her.”
“I just got home from his house—how has he had time to declare his new relationship status to the entire school?”
“Blame the Internet,” Reb said.
“Ugh. This is so awful.” I put a pillow over my face. Was it possible to intentionally smother yourself?
“It’s not that bad. People break up all the time. It’s high school , remember? It’s not like you were married for twenty years and suddenly you’re a single mom living on a fixed income.” Reb stopped talking abruptly, then said, “And apparently I’m not over my parents’ divorce.”
“Did you really think you were?” I asked.
“I can barely hear you. Your voice is muffled.”
I threw the pillow on the floor. “Better?”
“Much. Anyway, I know you’re super upset right now, but I just wanted to give you a little perspective—it’s not the end of the world! You will survive. You will love again.”
“I wasn’t in love with him,” I insisted. Of that, at least, I could be sure.
“I was kidding.”
“I know.”
“You want to get out of your house? I’ll take you for ice cream to celebrate your newfound independence,” Reb offered.
“Can’t,” I said.
“You’re really not sad about him at all?” Hannah seemed mystified about the whole thing, but you couldn’t really blame her for that; she had been celibate her whole life and locked in a convent for almost a decade. She didn’t even have the benefit of having watched years and years of wildly unrealistic relationships on television like I had. But I could see her point, sort of. The situation did sound convoluted coming out of my mouth.
I sighed. “Of course I am. But mostly I’m so pissed off I could scream. He asked me out! He asked me ! And then he acted like I was just a stranger with some pathetic schoolgirl crush who he was letting down easy.”
“You seem really upset,” Hannah said. “Maybe you should go lie down. I can make you some tea?”
“I don’t want tea,” I said. “I just want this whole nightmare to be over.”
“What can I do?” Hannah asked, clearly bewildered by my melodrama. Mom was watching the two of us with rapt attention, as if we were exotic animals.
“Turn back time,” I said. “Give me a do-over of the last hour so I can dump Derek via email. Do you think God would do that for me?”
“Caro,” Mom said, using her scariest Voice of Steel. “You’re going to go to your room right now and collect yourself. Then you’re going to come out and apologize to Hannah.”
I turned toward Hannah and started to say I was sorry, but Mom interrupted me.
“Not now. When you’re really sorry.”
“It’s okay, she doesn’t have to,” Hannah said softly.
“No, it isn’t,” Mom told her sharply. “She has to learn to control herself and watch her mouth. We’re not your friends, Caro. You can’t talk to us like that.”
I shook my head at her and walked away, bursting into my room a few moments later and throwing myself onto the bed. My inability to hold a thought in my mind that I didn’t express got me in trouble a lot at home, but I’d never fought as much with my parents in one short period of time as I had in the past few days. Plus,I’d said that really shitty thing to Hannah, which even I knew was unfair. The only thing that would have made it worse was having to talk to someone about it, which was why I ignored two of Reb’s calls and one of Erin’s.
Unfortunately, they would not be put off. I got a text from Reb that said, “Pick up. Heard about you and Derek. How are you feeling?” and one from Erin saying, “I thought you were going to dump him first. What happened?” I texted Erin back with “He’s a quicker draw” and called Reb. I knew that at the very least, she would coddle me.
“I’m so sorry about this, Caro,” Reb said when she picked up the phone.
“How did you find out so quickly?” I asked.
“Erin. I think Derek might’ve told some people and it got back to her.”
“I just got home from his house—how has he had time to declare his new relationship status to the entire school?”
“Blame the Internet,” Reb said.
“Ugh. This is so awful.” I put a pillow over my face. Was it possible to intentionally smother yourself?
“It’s not that bad. People break up all the time. It’s high school , remember? It’s not like you were married for twenty years and suddenly you’re a single mom living on a fixed income.” Reb stopped talking abruptly, then said, “And apparently I’m not over my parents’ divorce.”
“Did you really think you were?” I asked.
“I can barely hear you. Your voice is muffled.”
I threw the pillow on the floor. “Better?”
“Much. Anyway, I know you’re super upset right now, but I just wanted to give you a little perspective—it’s not the end of the world! You will survive. You will love again.”
“I wasn’t in love with him,” I insisted. Of that, at least, I could be sure.
“I was kidding.”
“I know.”
“You want to get out of your house? I’ll take you for ice cream to celebrate your newfound independence,” Reb offered.
“Can’t,” I said.
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