The Party Line, a Myrtle Crumb Mystery Prequel by GTrent Page B

with his life.
    "So I can get on with my life—" Those were
his very words.
    [Click, click, click.]
    Let me mute my television.
    "Tansie? You ain't gonna believe this."
    "I'm not in the mood, Melvia. I'm still not
over what you told the preacher about—"
    "Well, then, you'd better get in the mood
because Doris May Culpepper is about to steal Ada's man right away
from her."
    "Doris May Culpepper? What're you talkin'
about?"
    "Hazel Thompson saw Doris May hittin' on
Bill down at the diner."
    "So? Them Culpeppers always have been the
biggest flirts you ever saw."
    "Well, yeah, but Hazel heard him swallow the
bait right up," Melvia said.
    "Huh?"
    "Bill made a date with Doris May for this
very evening!"
    "Are you sure?"
    "Sure as I'm settin' here. Hazel Thompson
wouldn't lie…. Well, about that bein' her hair's natural color,
maybe, but not about something as important as this."
    Heavy sigh from Tansie. "Well, honey, thanks
for telling me. I'd better get off from here and tell Ada."
    "All righty. If you need anything—like for
me to go smack that Doris May right up side the head—"
    "Huh. Bill made the date. He's the one what
oughta be smacked."
    "Yeah, but that hussy knows he's a married
man. She ought not to have been castin' her wares around in front
of him."
    "Yeah, I know,” said Tansie. “Like I said,
I'd better tell Ada."
    [Click.]
    Ain't that a fine howdy-do? Well, the man
told Ada to make up her mind. I'd say she'd better do it before
Doris May Culpepper makes it up for her.
    In case you're wondering, Doris May was
named after Doris Day. I know because I went to school with Doris
May's mother, and the woman was totally infatuated with Doris Day.
She wanted to be Doris Day; but since the opportunity had already
passed for her, she named her baby Doris May. It was supposed to
have been Doris Day, but she mumbled and the nurse wrote down "May"
instead of "Day" on the birth certificate. Oh, well. That stuff
happens sometimes. I heard even Oprah was supposed to have been
"Orpah," and they spelled it wrong on her birth certificate. I'm
glad. After seeing Oprah on television all these years, it don't
sound right to call her "Orpah."
    If memory serves, Doris May is married. But,
then, Tansie and Melvia talked about Bill being married, but they
didn't mention Doris May being married. I'd better check this out.
Now, keep still while I'm on the phone. Don't want Melvia to know
I'm discussin' her and her sister's business with anybody.
    "Melvia? Hi, sweetie, it's Myrtle Crumb.
How’re you doin'?"
    "I'm fine, Myrtle. How're you?"
    "I'm doin' all right, but I have to say, I'm
awfully concerned about poor Ada."
    "Well, I am, too. She oughta go back home
like she has some sense."
    "I hope it's not too late already," I
said.
    "What do you mean by that?"
    "Well, I hate to gossip, but I heard that
Bill was hanging around Doris May Culpepper."
    "Have mercy, don't word travel fast?" Melvia
clucked her tongue.
    "I don't know that I believe it, though. I
thought Doris May was married to that nice restaurant manager."
    "Oh, that ended about a year and a half ago.
From what I hear, he's still crazy about her, but she left him.
Said it was because he drank too much."
    "Well, ain't that a shame?"
    "Yeah. Yeah, it is, Myrtle. But the real
shame is that now another home is about to be broke up because of
it."
    "Ain't that the truth? Well, if there's
anything I can do…."
    "Thanks, dear, but I doubt there's anything
any of us can do at this point."
    "Now, I wouldn't be too sure about that. I
made a nice crumb cake this morning. Stop by later and we'll have a
piece and put our heads together over this predicament."
    "Okay. Thanks."
    You know, at that point, I
agreed with Melvia that there probably wasn't anything any of us
could do. Imagine my surprise when Doris May turned up dead. I
reckon somebody did do something .

Snoopin' Around
    Come in and let me tell you the latest. You
know that Doris May Culpepper turned up dead, don't you? They